I (finally) start school tomorrow. It's my own personal New Year. Year number nine of teaching high school. That's really hard to believe.
I worry a little...that I'm not good enough to do this AP class. That once my kids have me for a month and my friend who just retired, who will be my amazing most perfect maternity sub EVER for four months, that when I come back, they'll know. That I'm unsure of myself at times. That this is all new to me. That I'll be balancing this newness and fear with a 4 month old baby and a life of my own. I try not to think about it, but every once in a while it creeps in.
Today in the pool, swimming my (slow) mile, I thought of what a different state I'm in at the beginning of this New Year. Last year, when school started, I was 17 days out from Ironman. Heh. Yeah, this school year is a far cry from that...that's for sure.
I see a few of my friends going through much of the uncertainty that I felt last year at this point. I've tried to say what they need me to say, and not necessarily what they want to hear. I would be doing them a disservice if I didn't.
It's going to be hard.
Really, really hard.
But they know this. That's why they signed up.
There are no guarantees.
And that, in my humble, I've-only-done-one-Ironman-so-really-what-the-hell-do-I-know?-opinion, that's what makes it so intoxicating and surreal.
I'm going to try and sit here and articulate a few things that I wish I knew last year that I do now. Again, I am clearly NOT an expert on this subject. But there are a few things that, as I swam in the pool today, I remembered about that day.
I wish I knew how raw my emotions would be. From that morning, when it was clear that I wouldn't be able to see Matt before I got into the water, to on that shivering bike ride and sopping run--how unbelievably raw and open all emotions were. I felt tremendous love, pain, doubt, fear, and joy. I experienced the full spectrum of these emotions, and tried as best as I could to keep them in check, since that was the advice given to me. You will feel all these things. Remember that each will pass. Your day will have many highs and lows, and there will be times when you doubt that you can make it.
This is what makes it different than any other triathlon I've ever done.
I wish I knew to trust my training more. Even until the end, I could hear the little voices in my head..."Are you sure you did enough?" "Were four century rides too little?" "Don't you think you could have done more hill work?" "You've only ran 15 miles at a time, and you think you're going to do this marathon?" "You usually only swam twice a week. Don't you think that's awfully low?"
The truth was, it was plenty. For me. Probably in some ways even more than plenty. I rode the course ahead of time. I gave everything I had for nine months. My body was ready to do what I asked it to do.
Which leads me to the next thought.
What if that still is not enough?
I wish I would have known that no amount of training can prepare you for some of the things that happen out there. You have to trust yourself and your abilities to stay as calm and clear-headed as you can. I remember making adjustments that day--even as I was riding!--because I knew if I didn't, then I wouldn't make it. It meant a bike split about an entire hour slower than I knew I could do. But, after seeing person after person spinning out, laying on the side of the road with road rash all down their sides, I made that decision because I had to. And I'm glad I did, even though I can't say I'm satisfied with my ride. Keep your eye on the prize, and adjust as necessary.
I wish I knew that some parts of my day would profoundly disappoint me. I don't think I really anticipated that. Personally, I was disgusted with my swim. I came out of the water, saw what I did, and felt as if part of me had blown it. But you have to keep things in perspective...so I tried as best I could to leave it there on the Terrace. And I did, during the race. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't still think about it today. Maybe it will help fuel me the next time.
Finally, I wish I knew what that finish line was like before I got there. So I could really, REALLY slow down and enjoy it. My TriBro, TriEric, told me after he did IMUSA, to really look around and enjoy that moment. I thought I did, but looking back, I think I could have gone even slower--walked even!--to really take it all in. It's a magical place, which I can't even really explain. It makes you absolutely amazed beyond words at your own strength and ability. For me, it was the culmination of Faith, love for my friends and family, and absolute amazement at what my body just did.
(Sort of what I'm hoping childbirth will be like...but without the cameras and Mike Reilly)
Now that I'm forced to spectate, I'm reminded of all these things that I felt during those 15 hours, 32 minutes, and 32 seconds.
I wish I knew how much it would change my outlook on things. On pretty much everything. I still have plenty of doubt and fear, as evident in my first two paragraphs. I still have my own personal demons to slay from time to time. But when I remember that day and how it worked out, I always sort of get a sense of calm. Anything really is possible. If I did this--me, who was never a star athlete or really anything special--than I can handle pretty much whatever life throws at me. I'm reminded of that today.
I wish I had known that this race would show me that.
I wish nothing but the best for my friends who are getting ready to head to Madison. I can't wait to hear how their days unfold, because it will be different for every single one. And I dream of watching them all cross that line and seeing their faces.
No matter what happens. The weather. A flat. A disappointment here or there. Doubt, pain, and ultimately elation will come to each of them some way, and I just wish I could be there to physically experience it again, with them.
But this year, I'm on the sidelines...where I'm supposed to be for now.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Awesome, awesome weekend
I just had to end an awesome weekend with my 2 close friends from college, Sam and Mindy. It went WAY too fast. They couldn't make my shower, so they picked a weekend to fly out and celebrate the baby and Mindy's upcoming wedding, too. SO. MUCH. FUN.
Why must my college girls live so far away?
Boo.
Sam helped me pack my diaper bag (whoa) and we ran out of time to put together a hospital bag. It was on my "recommended things to do" email this week, which is just crazy.
I'm getting huger by the second it seems. The dress I wore to my shower on August 5 is almost too small. I wanted to wear it to school but fear that the first day of school is prolly the last time I can fit into it before Baby Z arrives.
You know what really made me freak out for 30 seconds? Matt came home with some Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale Friday night.
If they are selling Pumpkin Ales, that means it's close to October.
And close to Baby Z.
Zoinks.
Meeting 2 of my tri-mom friends for a walk tomorrow--the weather has finally broken and this humidity insanity is pretty much gone. Good news for me as I head back to school Thursday!
Pumpkin Ale.
They are selling Pumpkin Ale.
I really want some.
Agh!
Why must my college girls live so far away?
Boo.
Sam helped me pack my diaper bag (whoa) and we ran out of time to put together a hospital bag. It was on my "recommended things to do" email this week, which is just crazy.
I'm getting huger by the second it seems. The dress I wore to my shower on August 5 is almost too small. I wanted to wear it to school but fear that the first day of school is prolly the last time I can fit into it before Baby Z arrives.
You know what really made me freak out for 30 seconds? Matt came home with some Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale Friday night.
If they are selling Pumpkin Ales, that means it's close to October.
And close to Baby Z.
Zoinks.
Meeting 2 of my tri-mom friends for a walk tomorrow--the weather has finally broken and this humidity insanity is pretty much gone. Good news for me as I head back to school Thursday!
Pumpkin Ale.
They are selling Pumpkin Ale.
I really want some.
Agh!
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Somethin' pretty cool
So, I forgot to mention this before.
My Aunt has been doing some research into our family tree and going through old documents and stuff. She found some really cool pictures and documents that I can't wait to get framed. There's this great picture--in the middle, are a man and a woman who are my great-grandparents. They are each holding little baby girls. Sitting in front of them, with an impish little grin, is my grandfather when he was about 3 or so. And behind them, are three tall dark and handsome young men.
Upon further review, the three boys in the back are my great-grandfather's sons from a previous marriage. Very unheard of for the 1920s, but pretty cool. They were a very early, 1920s Brady Bunch.
We also found my great-grandfather's naturalization papers from 1921. They are really cool to see. It's so interesting, and tragically funny, how classifications were made back then, and how much things have changed. For instance, on the papers there's a spot for "Color" and it says, "White," but then under the next spot for "Complexion" it says, "Dark." A little tongue in cheek how funny it is that they felt, in 1921, they needed to make that distinction.
His name that he wrote on the papers was John, and it says, "Country of Origin: Italy." So of course, I was like, ain't no WAY his name was JOHN if he was originally from Italy. Sure enough, on another paper, my suspicions were confirmed: John was originally Giovanni. He must have changed his name to sound more American. Again, a little sad that it had to be done, but this was the decade of extreme nativism, of Sacco and Vanzetti, and of NOT wanting to be seen as anything other than a hard-working American. So that's exactly what he did, and he made his new life here.
So, where am I going with this?
One of the boys in the back--my grandfather's half-brothers--I can't remember which one, had a son named Tom.
Yeah, so?
Okay, here's where it gets really bizarre.
Tom is a professor at Elon College in NC...of Sociology. Cool--another social sciences Arcaro, like me.
And now it gets REALLY CRAZY.
He teaches a CLASS ON TRIATHLON AND IS AN IRONMAN FINISHER and BOSTON MARATHON FINISHER.
A CLASS. On TRIATHLONS. A Sociology ELECTIVE. Looking at the course requirements...20% of your grade is your race report! All of us bloggers would get A pluses! ha ha
If you don't believe me, here it is.
Now THAT'S what I call some family ties!
My Aunt has been doing some research into our family tree and going through old documents and stuff. She found some really cool pictures and documents that I can't wait to get framed. There's this great picture--in the middle, are a man and a woman who are my great-grandparents. They are each holding little baby girls. Sitting in front of them, with an impish little grin, is my grandfather when he was about 3 or so. And behind them, are three tall dark and handsome young men.
Upon further review, the three boys in the back are my great-grandfather's sons from a previous marriage. Very unheard of for the 1920s, but pretty cool. They were a very early, 1920s Brady Bunch.
We also found my great-grandfather's naturalization papers from 1921. They are really cool to see. It's so interesting, and tragically funny, how classifications were made back then, and how much things have changed. For instance, on the papers there's a spot for "Color" and it says, "White," but then under the next spot for "Complexion" it says, "Dark." A little tongue in cheek how funny it is that they felt, in 1921, they needed to make that distinction.
His name that he wrote on the papers was John, and it says, "Country of Origin: Italy." So of course, I was like, ain't no WAY his name was JOHN if he was originally from Italy. Sure enough, on another paper, my suspicions were confirmed: John was originally Giovanni. He must have changed his name to sound more American. Again, a little sad that it had to be done, but this was the decade of extreme nativism, of Sacco and Vanzetti, and of NOT wanting to be seen as anything other than a hard-working American. So that's exactly what he did, and he made his new life here.
So, where am I going with this?
One of the boys in the back--my grandfather's half-brothers--I can't remember which one, had a son named Tom.
Yeah, so?
Okay, here's where it gets really bizarre.
Tom is a professor at Elon College in NC...of Sociology. Cool--another social sciences Arcaro, like me.
And now it gets REALLY CRAZY.
He teaches a CLASS ON TRIATHLON AND IS AN IRONMAN FINISHER and BOSTON MARATHON FINISHER.
A CLASS. On TRIATHLONS. A Sociology ELECTIVE. Looking at the course requirements...20% of your grade is your race report! All of us bloggers would get A pluses! ha ha
If you don't believe me, here it is.
Now THAT'S what I call some family ties!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Please no more TWO CENTS. I've got TWO MILLIONS CENTS.
Dudes, I feel HUGE. HEEEEE. YOOOUGE.
Ugh.
This crazysick humidity is not helping, either. BUT--it makes for a nice swim. Swam another mile today and felt GREAT. Getting out of the pool is getting more and more entertaining. I ditched Mom Suit and swam in Big Girl Suit. There weren't too many people there and I'm past the point of caring. At Trimama's suggestion, I wore my IM MOO swim cap. It was a pretty entertaining sight.
While in the pool, I started thinking about a possible hairbrained idea for next year...it's too early to even mention it, but it got me all pumped up. I even emailed Coach Angela to talk logistics with her about it. We'll see!
I'm feeling good--mostly because I'm feeling so uncomfortable. If I'm this uncomfortable, it must mean I'm getting close. And that's good. Nursery is all decked out and adorable, if I do say so myself. Clothes and blankets are all washed. Bouncy seat that everyone says is a lifesaver is ready to go and even has batteries. Picture frames are hung, just waiting for pictures to go in them. Baby classes are done. Stroller and car seat are ready. Lesson plans through the week after I am due are done, as are copies.
Let's. Get. It. ON.
Speaking of getting it on, best of luck to my tri-buddy Rob this weekend at IMKY, and to all who are racing! Holy smokes, is it going to be HOT and HUMID. I still, for the life of me, can't figure out why they put a race in Louisville at the END OF AUGUST. I used to live in the 'Nati, and I KNOW what it's like in August on that river. But, I guess you never know...I trained with the assumption that IMW was going to be hotter than Guam, and we all know how that ended up last year, right?
I'll tell you something I'm NOT going to miss...EVERYONE THROWING IN THEIR 2 CENTS. For the love of ALL THINGS HOLY I can't seem to go ANYWHERE without randoms throwing in their 2 cents. See, I am undeniably pregnant now. It is abundantly clear that this ain't just fat. Last night I had a little meltdown to Matt because I am just SOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of it and I really want to just not leave my house.
You'd be amazed at what total strangers will say and do. Matt's lucky--we decided--because unless he SAYS anything, no one KNOWS he's expecting. I might as well have a neon sign and marching band following me around. And people just seem to want to tell you how BAD things will be. They LOVE to say how "you'll never do this or that again" and "oh, don't even think about ___________________ (*fill in the blank with ANYTHING, really*), because you won't have time to worry about that, you'll barely have time to eat or shower or blink your eyeballs," and in general tell you how miserable you're going to be, because they are or something.
World at large--just because you might be miserable, doesn't mean I'm going to be. So trying to make me miserable really isn't justifying your miserable-ness. It's just ANNOYING.
I think the craziest thing I've heard was when I was at work about 2 weeks ago, and the UMPIRE there (I work for a Rec Department) in between games, who I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW...and this was a DUDE!.....decided to tell me all about how since his sister-in-law's baby was big, they HAD TO BREAK HER PELVIS IN THE DELIVERY ROOM.
THANK YOU, Random Umpire Man! That is SO what I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW!
So I am really, really, really looking forward to NOT having to deal with 2 cent-ers at the grocery store, the post office, work, the baseball diamond, or anywhere else. Really...I promise...if I want to know, I'll ask you. Unsolicited miserable-ness is just not good.
/end soapbox rant
On a positive note, I heart air conditioning. But hopefully it will cool down before school starts next week, since 221 sorely lacks it. I'm getting really excited about this new class, too. It's a LOT of work--I've already put in so much time reading these college-level articles (man, how do these 10th graders do it? but my friend swears they will rise to whatever bar you set) and stuff, and it's exciting to have a little change. We'll see if I'm still saying that next February... :)
Ugh.
This crazysick humidity is not helping, either. BUT--it makes for a nice swim. Swam another mile today and felt GREAT. Getting out of the pool is getting more and more entertaining. I ditched Mom Suit and swam in Big Girl Suit. There weren't too many people there and I'm past the point of caring. At Trimama's suggestion, I wore my IM MOO swim cap. It was a pretty entertaining sight.
While in the pool, I started thinking about a possible hairbrained idea for next year...it's too early to even mention it, but it got me all pumped up. I even emailed Coach Angela to talk logistics with her about it. We'll see!
I'm feeling good--mostly because I'm feeling so uncomfortable. If I'm this uncomfortable, it must mean I'm getting close. And that's good. Nursery is all decked out and adorable, if I do say so myself. Clothes and blankets are all washed. Bouncy seat that everyone says is a lifesaver is ready to go and even has batteries. Picture frames are hung, just waiting for pictures to go in them. Baby classes are done. Stroller and car seat are ready. Lesson plans through the week after I am due are done, as are copies.
Let's. Get. It. ON.
Speaking of getting it on, best of luck to my tri-buddy Rob this weekend at IMKY, and to all who are racing! Holy smokes, is it going to be HOT and HUMID. I still, for the life of me, can't figure out why they put a race in Louisville at the END OF AUGUST. I used to live in the 'Nati, and I KNOW what it's like in August on that river. But, I guess you never know...I trained with the assumption that IMW was going to be hotter than Guam, and we all know how that ended up last year, right?
I'll tell you something I'm NOT going to miss...EVERYONE THROWING IN THEIR 2 CENTS. For the love of ALL THINGS HOLY I can't seem to go ANYWHERE without randoms throwing in their 2 cents. See, I am undeniably pregnant now. It is abundantly clear that this ain't just fat. Last night I had a little meltdown to Matt because I am just SOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of it and I really want to just not leave my house.
You'd be amazed at what total strangers will say and do. Matt's lucky--we decided--because unless he SAYS anything, no one KNOWS he's expecting. I might as well have a neon sign and marching band following me around. And people just seem to want to tell you how BAD things will be. They LOVE to say how "you'll never do this or that again" and "oh, don't even think about ___________________ (*fill in the blank with ANYTHING, really*), because you won't have time to worry about that, you'll barely have time to eat or shower or blink your eyeballs," and in general tell you how miserable you're going to be, because they are or something.
World at large--just because you might be miserable, doesn't mean I'm going to be. So trying to make me miserable really isn't justifying your miserable-ness. It's just ANNOYING.
I think the craziest thing I've heard was when I was at work about 2 weeks ago, and the UMPIRE there (I work for a Rec Department) in between games, who I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW...and this was a DUDE!.....decided to tell me all about how since his sister-in-law's baby was big, they HAD TO BREAK HER PELVIS IN THE DELIVERY ROOM.
THANK YOU, Random Umpire Man! That is SO what I NEED TO HEAR RIGHT NOW!
So I am really, really, really looking forward to NOT having to deal with 2 cent-ers at the grocery store, the post office, work, the baseball diamond, or anywhere else. Really...I promise...if I want to know, I'll ask you. Unsolicited miserable-ness is just not good.
/end soapbox rant
On a positive note, I heart air conditioning. But hopefully it will cool down before school starts next week, since 221 sorely lacks it. I'm getting really excited about this new class, too. It's a LOT of work--I've already put in so much time reading these college-level articles (man, how do these 10th graders do it? but my friend swears they will rise to whatever bar you set) and stuff, and it's exciting to have a little change. We'll see if I'm still saying that next February... :)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
A Matter of Time
I had to give up Big Girl Swimsuit Top today and put on....MOM SWIMSUIT TOP. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSLKJDFL:SDKJFLS:DJK
It totally makes me look like a mom. It is SOOOOOOOOOOOO not triathlete. I look like one of those moms who just sit at the pool and read magazines. It's like a black lycra tent.
Boo.
But I did manage to swim 1200 meters in it--I could have gone longer but I wasn't wearing a cap and my hair was driving me up the wall. I figured I shouldn't wear a cap and look like a poser in a Mom Suit. But then I went INSANE all swim with my freaking hair everywhere. I think I'm just going to have to look ridiculous and wear a cap with my Mom Suit in the lap lane and my stomach that looks like I swallowed a watermelon.
The Mom Suit is temporary, and at least I know I won't EVER SUCCUMB TO THE HORROR of the dreaded MOM JEANS.
It's kind of funny how, as I looked through my lesson plan book today, I had "Leave for Ironman" with an arrow and a homemade M-Dot on the week before I now have a ultrasound scheduled to see just how big this kid is. Cuz it's BIG, people. We may have a little TriSaraTops early.
It totally makes me look like a mom. It is SOOOOOOOOOOOO not triathlete. I look like one of those moms who just sit at the pool and read magazines. It's like a black lycra tent.
Boo.
But I did manage to swim 1200 meters in it--I could have gone longer but I wasn't wearing a cap and my hair was driving me up the wall. I figured I shouldn't wear a cap and look like a poser in a Mom Suit. But then I went INSANE all swim with my freaking hair everywhere. I think I'm just going to have to look ridiculous and wear a cap with my Mom Suit in the lap lane and my stomach that looks like I swallowed a watermelon.
The Mom Suit is temporary, and at least I know I won't EVER SUCCUMB TO THE HORROR of the dreaded MOM JEANS.
It's kind of funny how, as I looked through my lesson plan book today, I had "Leave for Ironman" with an arrow and a homemade M-Dot on the week before I now have a ultrasound scheduled to see just how big this kid is. Cuz it's BIG, people. We may have a little TriSaraTops early.
What's even STRANGER is that TriShannon called all this a LONG time ago. Like, right after she signed up for IM MOO. In November or so. She called me and said, "I just had a dream that I was at the finish line of Ironman, and you were pregnant. REALLY, REALLY pregnant."
I was like, "GIRL, PLEAZ. U CRAZY."
She can tell the future, people.
(Please tell me the future will not involve this tent of a Mom Suit or the Mom Jeans.)
Monday, August 13, 2007
Where did THAT come from?
So, today, I swam a mile.
That's not really a big deal...but the big deal is that I DID IT WITHOUT STOPPING ONCE!!!
Where did this newfound lung capacity in the water come? I can assure you I don't have it on land, and this baby hasn't dropped yet....
Pretty sweet!
Bad news is, that even my Big Girl Swimsuit is getting too small. You know it's bad when you can't tell if the bottoms have a front or a back. It just looks like one big black lycra granny panty. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I miss my old body.
Oh well...home stretch here, home stretch....Baby Z loves to swim, and that's good, because that's about all I can do at this point. Even walking is presenting its own challenges. I walked too far the other day and had to call Matt to pick me up. So. Sad. I wonder if I'll ever be able to run fast again! Good thing I have some awesome tri mom buddies who are showing me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Riddle me this: why are my legs really skinny but my fingers too sausage-like for my rings? Seriously. I think my ring finger is the size of my ankle. I thought your ankles were supposed to swell up?!?!
Sigh.
Two more weeks of freedom...I kind of want to get the show on the road already, as we go back extra late this year, which stinks...because that means a June 11 end date instead of June 4. Boo. I like to get started early and get out early...more time for training.
:)
Very behind on blogs, and probably will be for a while...helping a few friends get through some rough times this week, and still dealing with our poopypants basement.
Slow, continuous mile swimmer, signing out!
That's not really a big deal...but the big deal is that I DID IT WITHOUT STOPPING ONCE!!!
Where did this newfound lung capacity in the water come? I can assure you I don't have it on land, and this baby hasn't dropped yet....
Pretty sweet!
Bad news is, that even my Big Girl Swimsuit is getting too small. You know it's bad when you can't tell if the bottoms have a front or a back. It just looks like one big black lycra granny panty. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I miss my old body.
Oh well...home stretch here, home stretch....Baby Z loves to swim, and that's good, because that's about all I can do at this point. Even walking is presenting its own challenges. I walked too far the other day and had to call Matt to pick me up. So. Sad. I wonder if I'll ever be able to run fast again! Good thing I have some awesome tri mom buddies who are showing me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Riddle me this: why are my legs really skinny but my fingers too sausage-like for my rings? Seriously. I think my ring finger is the size of my ankle. I thought your ankles were supposed to swell up?!?!
Sigh.
Two more weeks of freedom...I kind of want to get the show on the road already, as we go back extra late this year, which stinks...because that means a June 11 end date instead of June 4. Boo. I like to get started early and get out early...more time for training.
:)
Very behind on blogs, and probably will be for a while...helping a few friends get through some rough times this week, and still dealing with our poopypants basement.
Slow, continuous mile swimmer, signing out!
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Silver Linings
....after yesterday's utter homeowners disaster, it looks like carpet being full of sewage is covered by our insurance. Yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Still have to pay a deductible, though, but let's just say that Baby Z will have the cleanest and newest basement carpet to crawl on and be all cute on. So that makes things somewhat better. :)
At least we didn't ACTUALLY WITNESS the type of encounter that my poor neighbor found floating in her basement water.
Unfortunately, it wasn't a Baby Ruth in their basement.
Case in point: just got my schedule today, and it is AWESOME. My favorite lunch period (later--I'd rather eat later for some reason) and instead of 147 kids like I had last year, I have...are you ready for this?....101!!!! AWESOME. This is in 5 classes. I have one pretty big class of freshman and the rest are small. I knew that teaching the AP would have this effect, but I guess I didn't realize how much. So, I will have a MUCH higher load of grading, and a much higher quality of work to grade (like essays and the beloved DBQ's), but not as many bodies. I'll take that.
I'm still nervous though. But excited. Even more so now that I know my awesome friend who retired this year and whose schedule I'm essentially taking over agreed to be my sub! She is, without a doubt, the best teacher I've ever seen. I feel so good knowing my kids will be in her hands for almost 4 months.
The other good part of my schedule is that I have 1st period planning...AGAIN! This makes 3 years in a row. I used to hate it....before I started doing the long stuff. Now, I really enjoy having my first period free so I am not as rushed in the morning. AND, this just might work out well with Baby Z, since I've sort of (GASP) become a morning workout person. I can get my swim in--maybe even swim with my Y friends, like Dave the Lifeguard, TriEric, Noodle Lady, and Navy Guy again! Or, I can hit the treadmill or trainer in my basement for an hour before the shower. The main thing, of course, will be lack of sleep...but I feel like my body's preparing me for that a bit already. Matt HATES working out in the AM, and is MORE than happy to have AM Baby Z duty so he can work out in the afternoon. We're already discussing it, and that's going to be half the battle, I think. The other half is SLEEP.
Case in point: I've become a third-trimester insomniac. My pal Suzi had a similar issue. I just don't seem to sleep well, and when I do, the baby wakes me up with kicks or I have to pee like SEVEN TIMES A NIGHT. Last night, I really don't think I got more than 2 hours of continuous sleep at all.
Practice, anyone?
See, I know this is going to factor in next year. PLEASE don't tell me again how it will. I swear I understand. :) XT4 and I were just discussing how very well-intentioned people who keep mentioning how we have no idea how much things are going to change are starting to drive us batty. WE. GET. IT. We'll figure it all out. But, I for one refuse to just throw the towel in and give up because I'm tired. Like today. I so did NOT want to swim, but I dragged my sorry sleepy ass to the pool and had the best swim I've had in probably 2 months.
Lesson learned. You will be tired, and sometimes, a workout will make you feel better. Even if it's small.
So there's another silver lining for me. The girl who loves to sleep...the one who with DaisyDuc could BARELY MAKE 1:00pm brunch in the dining hall ...she is realizing she can do more with less sometimes.
It's not going to be easy, but it'll work somehow.
At least we didn't ACTUALLY WITNESS the type of encounter that my poor neighbor found floating in her basement water.
Unfortunately, it wasn't a Baby Ruth in their basement.
My buddy Steph DID give me a HILARIOUS shirt for Baby Z this weekend at my shower...it says, "If Pooping Your Pants Is Cool, Consider Me Miles Davis." This is not only a take on my favorite Billy Madison quote, but pretty much the first thing I told her and my AGD friends when I crossed the finish line in Madison last year...except I swapped one bodily function for another.
On a lighter, and less smelly note, I got an AWESOME swim in today. Just a mile...but I felt so good and had I had more time, I could have kept going. Instead of doing sets of 200 like I normally do, I did sets of 400. It took me roughly the same amount of time, and I didn't feel as out of breath. Yippee! Now, it was still REALLY slow...let's not get ahead of ourselves...but at this stage in the game, I'm just so doggone happy to be out there doing SOMETHING.
I dream about next year and racing, too. I really miss racing, but I think even more than that I miss training. I love long solo runs, group runs with my Soler friends, and long rides with IronJohnny and my other IMW buds. I know that things will need to be flexible next year but I'm already planning on how to make it work as much as I can.Case in point: just got my schedule today, and it is AWESOME. My favorite lunch period (later--I'd rather eat later for some reason) and instead of 147 kids like I had last year, I have...are you ready for this?....101!!!! AWESOME. This is in 5 classes. I have one pretty big class of freshman and the rest are small. I knew that teaching the AP would have this effect, but I guess I didn't realize how much. So, I will have a MUCH higher load of grading, and a much higher quality of work to grade (like essays and the beloved DBQ's), but not as many bodies. I'll take that.
I'm still nervous though. But excited. Even more so now that I know my awesome friend who retired this year and whose schedule I'm essentially taking over agreed to be my sub! She is, without a doubt, the best teacher I've ever seen. I feel so good knowing my kids will be in her hands for almost 4 months.
The other good part of my schedule is that I have 1st period planning...AGAIN! This makes 3 years in a row. I used to hate it....before I started doing the long stuff. Now, I really enjoy having my first period free so I am not as rushed in the morning. AND, this just might work out well with Baby Z, since I've sort of (GASP) become a morning workout person. I can get my swim in--maybe even swim with my Y friends, like Dave the Lifeguard, TriEric, Noodle Lady, and Navy Guy again! Or, I can hit the treadmill or trainer in my basement for an hour before the shower. The main thing, of course, will be lack of sleep...but I feel like my body's preparing me for that a bit already. Matt HATES working out in the AM, and is MORE than happy to have AM Baby Z duty so he can work out in the afternoon. We're already discussing it, and that's going to be half the battle, I think. The other half is SLEEP.
Case in point: I've become a third-trimester insomniac. My pal Suzi had a similar issue. I just don't seem to sleep well, and when I do, the baby wakes me up with kicks or I have to pee like SEVEN TIMES A NIGHT. Last night, I really don't think I got more than 2 hours of continuous sleep at all.
Practice, anyone?
See, I know this is going to factor in next year. PLEASE don't tell me again how it will. I swear I understand. :) XT4 and I were just discussing how very well-intentioned people who keep mentioning how we have no idea how much things are going to change are starting to drive us batty. WE. GET. IT. We'll figure it all out. But, I for one refuse to just throw the towel in and give up because I'm tired. Like today. I so did NOT want to swim, but I dragged my sorry sleepy ass to the pool and had the best swim I've had in probably 2 months.
Lesson learned. You will be tired, and sometimes, a workout will make you feel better. Even if it's small.
So there's another silver lining for me. The girl who loves to sleep...the one who with DaisyDuc could BARELY MAKE 1:00pm brunch in the dining hall ...she is realizing she can do more with less sometimes.
It's not going to be easy, but it'll work somehow.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Why, surrounded by muck and humidity, I am the luckiest girl alive
August 7--our third anniversary.
I awake to hear storms. I love storms. I lay in bed until almost 10 listening to storms.
I come downstairs to see a note from Matt to block out 12-2 for lunch. How sweet, I think, so I call him.
"I'm at my parents. They're flooded. Are we?"
Uh oh. I don't know.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah. Really flooded.
Lovely.
Not too much standing water, but sopping everywhere. Matt comes home with his dad and tries to clean up. I can't really do anything and feel useless yet again.
Noon comes. I figure lunch is out. It's not. Matt tells me to get in the car so I do.
We pick up sandwiches. We go to a little gazebo where we got our wedding pictures taken. Matt unloads card table and chairs, CD player, and sparkling grape juice. We have a nice lunch under the gazebo and he made a mix CD of songs like Ice Cream (Sarah MacLachlan---our first dance, because we love our ice cream), I Wanna Grow Old With You (from the Wedding Singer) and Brown Eyed Girl. He. Just. Rocks.
Then we go back to the insanity and try to clean up the muck. I, still feeling useless, decide to take the ruined laundry that was already done and folded in a basket in the floor to my parents to redo it. When I open my trunk, a screw pops out. "Hmm," methinks. "Wonder what this screw's for." I put it in the trunk.
Laundry is done. Go to the car. Trunk won't pop.
TRUNK WON'T OPEN.
Awesome.
Try not to cry. Go home. Too tired to make dinner and too hot. We order wings (ew--but he loves them), some fries, and a soft pretzel from local pub. I pick it up. We eat it on our china in the living room. Yes, we ate WINGS AND FRIES on our china. Sweet. I only ate a few fries because I was too not hungry to eat anything.
We exchange gifts and his card makes me cry, because he wrote a funny poem in it like he always does.
Then, we commence cleaning. He primes and paints the shower area. I use a steam cleaner on the carpet, dumping buckets and buckets of muck out. I feel like I'm getting nowhere.
Man, it's hot down here.
Check thermostat: AC is running....with warm air.
AC is now broken.
TriSaraTops starts crying.
I'm hot and tired and the electrician won't even call me back anymore and it's been a month and what does it take to get a freaking electrician to follow up after a month? and I can't take this humidity and someone better come tomorrow and fix our AC because it's a heat wave and our basement is still mucky and I look at the yellow pages and we can't afford this crap right now and I cry.
He makes me laugh again and of course, he's right, there's nothing we can do now...it's 12:30am. And I just looked in the nursery because he told me to and he put together our bouncy seat. I start laughing hysterically while I'm crying.
So now it's time for bed. And I know that this is going to be a funny anniversary someday. And one thing's for certain.
I married the most amazing man on earth.
I awake to hear storms. I love storms. I lay in bed until almost 10 listening to storms.
I come downstairs to see a note from Matt to block out 12-2 for lunch. How sweet, I think, so I call him.
"I'm at my parents. They're flooded. Are we?"
Uh oh. I don't know.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah. Really flooded.
Lovely.
Not too much standing water, but sopping everywhere. Matt comes home with his dad and tries to clean up. I can't really do anything and feel useless yet again.
Noon comes. I figure lunch is out. It's not. Matt tells me to get in the car so I do.
We pick up sandwiches. We go to a little gazebo where we got our wedding pictures taken. Matt unloads card table and chairs, CD player, and sparkling grape juice. We have a nice lunch under the gazebo and he made a mix CD of songs like Ice Cream (Sarah MacLachlan---our first dance, because we love our ice cream), I Wanna Grow Old With You (from the Wedding Singer) and Brown Eyed Girl. He. Just. Rocks.
Then we go back to the insanity and try to clean up the muck. I, still feeling useless, decide to take the ruined laundry that was already done and folded in a basket in the floor to my parents to redo it. When I open my trunk, a screw pops out. "Hmm," methinks. "Wonder what this screw's for." I put it in the trunk.
Laundry is done. Go to the car. Trunk won't pop.
TRUNK WON'T OPEN.
Awesome.
Try not to cry. Go home. Too tired to make dinner and too hot. We order wings (ew--but he loves them), some fries, and a soft pretzel from local pub. I pick it up. We eat it on our china in the living room. Yes, we ate WINGS AND FRIES on our china. Sweet. I only ate a few fries because I was too not hungry to eat anything.
We exchange gifts and his card makes me cry, because he wrote a funny poem in it like he always does.
Then, we commence cleaning. He primes and paints the shower area. I use a steam cleaner on the carpet, dumping buckets and buckets of muck out. I feel like I'm getting nowhere.
Man, it's hot down here.
Check thermostat: AC is running....with warm air.
AC is now broken.
TriSaraTops starts crying.
I'm hot and tired and the electrician won't even call me back anymore and it's been a month and what does it take to get a freaking electrician to follow up after a month? and I can't take this humidity and someone better come tomorrow and fix our AC because it's a heat wave and our basement is still mucky and I look at the yellow pages and we can't afford this crap right now and I cry.
He makes me laugh again and of course, he's right, there's nothing we can do now...it's 12:30am. And I just looked in the nursery because he told me to and he put together our bouncy seat. I start laughing hysterically while I'm crying.
So now it's time for bed. And I know that this is going to be a funny anniversary someday. And one thing's for certain.
I married the most amazing man on earth.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
So What Are You Craving?
One of the most frequent questions I get asked, aside from "do you know what it is?" (I usually like to respond, "homo sapien"), is, "So what strange cravings have you had?"
Really. I can't say that I've had ANY strange cravings. There was a bizarre macaroni and cheese thing for about 5 days back around week 13, but other than that...um....I got nuthin'. No pickles. No ice cream, really, which for me is quite a shock.
There are two things I crave more than anything though, but I can't indulge in them. You can't buy them in any store.
They are:
1. A 10 mile run
2. A 3 hour ride
Well, I'm just sayin'.
THAT'S what I'm craving.
Really. I can't say that I've had ANY strange cravings. There was a bizarre macaroni and cheese thing for about 5 days back around week 13, but other than that...um....I got nuthin'. No pickles. No ice cream, really, which for me is quite a shock.
There are two things I crave more than anything though, but I can't indulge in them. You can't buy them in any store.
They are:
1. A 10 mile run
2. A 3 hour ride
Well, I'm just sayin'.
THAT'S what I'm craving.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
No....not August....
So I always get a little sad on the first day of August.
For teachers, that means school is a reality. It's kind of like when you were a little kid and you knew school was coming. We get the same way. And I really, really do enjoy my job...but there's just something about relative freedom every summer that rocks, you know? We're quite spoiled that way. That's why we make the big bucks.
:)
Anyway, I am feeling so good this August 1. Why is that? I just got back from my doctor's appointment...
For teachers, that means school is a reality. It's kind of like when you were a little kid and you knew school was coming. We get the same way. And I really, really do enjoy my job...but there's just something about relative freedom every summer that rocks, you know? We're quite spoiled that way. That's why we make the big bucks.
:)
Anyway, I am feeling so good this August 1. Why is that? I just got back from my doctor's appointment...
- Weight has leveled off! I have no idea what it is, but it leveled off! Yippee kay yay!
- Glucose test came back totally normal!
- Blood pressure is great!
- Cervical measurements from last ultrasound are perfect! I have no idea what that means, but rock on!
- Baby Z is measuring a little big...SO, what that means is that the Baby's growth spurt was most likely what caused mine! Would have been nice to hear that last month instead of that it was MY fault...but hey, live and learn! Also means Baby Z could come a week or so early...hey, FINE WITH ME!
So I am actually, for once, in a good mood after an appointment. Yahooooooooo!
I headed to Raleigh, NC last weekend to visit Kim and Jeff, the bro and sis-in-law. We had a great time! It was so nice to spend time with them and see their adorable place. I thought we'd be a little closer to the ocean than we were (try 3 hours away--oops) so no open water swimming for me. Bummer. But, we got to eat some tasty Mexican, relax a lot, and go see a free concert in downtown Raleigh where the "headliner" was....ready for this?....NIGHT RANGER! Haaaaaaaaaaaahahhahahahahaha
Sing it with me, now..."Sister Christian now you're time has come.....and you know that you're the only one....."
I don't know the rest of the words but it involves something like "MOTERHEAD."
On our way back we stopped at this AWESOME Bed and Breakfast in Wytheville, VA, to sort of celebrate our anniversary and have a little "babymoon." It was SO beautiful. Everything is renovated to look Victorian but is brand spankin' new. I even mentioned it was our anniversary next weekend and they surprised us with a little heart cake in an antique cake holder! So cute. It was very nice to get away and relax.
This weekend, I'll be volunteering at the Burning River 100 Race. I'm so excited for this! I've never gotten to see an ultra race...let alone one that's 100 miles. Rootsrunner Lloyd, Ultra Runner Extrordinaire, is the leader of our aid station. We're at miles 30.3 and 36.3. Espeed, DaisyDuc, and some other friends will be manning Mile 91. Man. I can't even imagine what people will look like when they see them. It should be an awesome race and a fun way to see my Soler friends. Wish I could join them for their AM run on the Towpath, but I'll have to wait a few more months for that. Best of luck to all 175 runners who will start the 100 mile race Saturday morning!
Then Saturday is my first baby shower. I'm getting pretty excited to see my friends! The following weekend is our first of 2 baby classes in the AM, and then my niece's 3rd birthday party. We're really pumped about the gift we found for her. :) It involves Spiderman, because she LOVES Spiderman. Then, Saturday night, we have Matt's grandpa's 80th birthday, and the following day is another baby shower with our families. Busy, busy, busy. The downside of this is that I won't be able to help out at the GCT expo OR go cheer on DaisyDuc and my buddies. :( Oh well...I'll be rooting for them the whole morning! Speaking of Daisy, I had the opportunity to swim with her yesterday and we had a blast! We had to dodge the occasional old lady or wayward kid, but we got in a nice distance at my local pool in the sun, so we can't complain about that. She's training for her first 70.3 so go to her blog and give her some love. She was looking strong and steady in the water, and I know she will do well. She's gonna have a fun day picking off all the bikers and runners with her blazin' speed, that's for sure! For now, I'm going to head up to the pool for another swim...I felt really good yesterday, so we'll see how we feel today! I'm definitely slow, but I find if I do steady, slow sets of 200s with a minute or so in between to catch my breath, I feel like I could go all day. My goal of at least a mile every time in the pool helps keep me motivated. Baby Z seems to love it. I think for these last few weeks I am going to start blogging pregnancy related stuff on a new blog that will take me into Baby Z's first few years. I can then focus on training here and try to keep the pregnancy blabber to a minimum. I'm going to password protect it, though, because I'm a little afraid of psychos in cyberspace. :) If you'd like me to add you to the password list, just post here and I will (if I know you)! No offense if I don't, please...you just gotta protect yourself, and your kids, you know? I'm gonna call it, "And Baby Z Makes Three." That's about as creative as I can get.Off to the pool...happy training everyone!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Butterflies in my tummy.
Can I just say that I wish there was an Ironman every night, so I could watch live feed of the finish line for 2 hours or so, like, every NIGHT?!
Man. Was that FUN.
MAJOR congrats go out to all who finished IMUSA, and especially JenC and Cliff for their Iron-Debuts! I got to see Jen cross the finish line and jumped up and down. Well, as much as I can right now.
Also, major Balls to the Wall Awards go out to my IMW training buddy/partner in crime, IronJohnny, and to kIM, for signing up for IMUSA next year! I am so pumped to follow their journeys.
So I was watching the live feed of IMUSA for Jen to finish when I saw something SOOOOOOOO crazy. RIGHT within a few minutes of when I finished IMW, a girl came through carrying a little one at the finish line--not sure if it was a girl or boy--looked about 2 years old or so. I got a little choked up and teary. Stupid hormones.
IMKY '09, anyone? (For the record, Baby Z would be around 2...)
Got some butterflies from that.
Speaking of butterflies in my tummy, Baby Z is currently 3 pounds, 7 ounces. Holy smokes! That's big. Don't get too big in there, you hear? You have to get OUT somehow.
Also, I'd like to state for the record that WHEN I SAY WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE GENDER AND FILL OUT FORMS SAYING THAT, AS WELL AS ANNOUNCE IT BEFORE EVERY ULTRASOUND BEGINS, THEN WE SORT OF FLIPPIN' MEAN IT. SO THANKS A MILLION TO THE TECHNICIAN TODAY WHO LET IT SLIP, AND THEN BACKPEDALED TO TRY TO STOP THE FLOODGATES.
Seriously. You're lucky I can't kick very high anymore. Many, many f-bombs were dropped by me in the parking lot, as well as threats to go back in there and kick some arse. Much backpedaling occured as did promising that it meant nothing and WASN'T REALLY A MISTAKE, but I don't buy it.
Oh well. Nothing I can do now. It just makes me really upset, that's all. Why people gotta BE LIKE THAT? Keep your mouth SHUT, beeeznatch. We don't need your stinkin' commentary. I guess I'll find out if she really slipped up or if her attempt to cover up her mistake was honest in a few weeks, anyway.
Baby Z stuck its tongue out at us today. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. So that made me feel better.
And all is well in there, too. (Except that a very LOUDMOUTH technician sucks.) But in the scheme of things, that's what really matters.
Do you know what's really sad? It took me about 40 minutes to WADDLE 2 MILES YESTERDAY.
FO-DEY.
Sigh.
I guess I should be glad I'm still able to walk my 2-3 miles and am not on bedrest. I can't think of a worse punishment for me than being on bedrest. I think I might pull all my hair out and start speaking jibberish, like Billy Madison did at dinner.
Man. Was that FUN.
MAJOR congrats go out to all who finished IMUSA, and especially JenC and Cliff for their Iron-Debuts! I got to see Jen cross the finish line and jumped up and down. Well, as much as I can right now.
Also, major Balls to the Wall Awards go out to my IMW training buddy/partner in crime, IronJohnny, and to kIM, for signing up for IMUSA next year! I am so pumped to follow their journeys.
So I was watching the live feed of IMUSA for Jen to finish when I saw something SOOOOOOOO crazy. RIGHT within a few minutes of when I finished IMW, a girl came through carrying a little one at the finish line--not sure if it was a girl or boy--looked about 2 years old or so. I got a little choked up and teary. Stupid hormones.
IMKY '09, anyone? (For the record, Baby Z would be around 2...)
Got some butterflies from that.
Speaking of butterflies in my tummy, Baby Z is currently 3 pounds, 7 ounces. Holy smokes! That's big. Don't get too big in there, you hear? You have to get OUT somehow.
Also, I'd like to state for the record that WHEN I SAY WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE GENDER AND FILL OUT FORMS SAYING THAT, AS WELL AS ANNOUNCE IT BEFORE EVERY ULTRASOUND BEGINS, THEN WE SORT OF FLIPPIN' MEAN IT. SO THANKS A MILLION TO THE TECHNICIAN TODAY WHO LET IT SLIP, AND THEN BACKPEDALED TO TRY TO STOP THE FLOODGATES.
Seriously. You're lucky I can't kick very high anymore. Many, many f-bombs were dropped by me in the parking lot, as well as threats to go back in there and kick some arse. Much backpedaling occured as did promising that it meant nothing and WASN'T REALLY A MISTAKE, but I don't buy it.
Oh well. Nothing I can do now. It just makes me really upset, that's all. Why people gotta BE LIKE THAT? Keep your mouth SHUT, beeeznatch. We don't need your stinkin' commentary. I guess I'll find out if she really slipped up or if her attempt to cover up her mistake was honest in a few weeks, anyway.
Baby Z stuck its tongue out at us today. I don't think I've laughed that hard in a long time. So that made me feel better.
And all is well in there, too. (Except that a very LOUDMOUTH technician sucks.) But in the scheme of things, that's what really matters.
Do you know what's really sad? It took me about 40 minutes to WADDLE 2 MILES YESTERDAY.
FO-DEY.
Sigh.
I guess I should be glad I'm still able to walk my 2-3 miles and am not on bedrest. I can't think of a worse punishment for me than being on bedrest. I think I might pull all my hair out and start speaking jibberish, like Billy Madison did at dinner.
And....I'm spent. That's all I got. Looking forward to some open-water swimming in a very, very cool location this weekend! Here's a hint: it's NOT Lake Erie. :)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Shakin' it up
Not really a theme to this post, just a lot of odds and ends.
FIRST things FIRST--good luck to my buddy JenC as she tackles her first Ironman in Lake Placid! Jen has worked so hard and I just know she's going to rock the course. Also, good luck to Cliff as he takes on IMUSA, too! These guys are both just awesome people and I wish them an amazing and memorable race day. I'll be cheering for everyone out there!
Second off, I never got to disclose the Super Fast Blogger I got to meet last week....drum roll please...it was Kurt! If ya don't believe me, here's proof:
(agh! my camera is swallowing pictures...stay tuned for proof!) :)
Kurt was just as nice as could be, which is how I pictured him exactly! It was great to meet him in person and I hope our paths cross again. We talked about all kinds of stuff, and I asked him what the secret was to his super fast 5 and 10Ks, since my favorite thing to do is go out way too fast. :) Wish we could have hung out longer, but he had to go to work! Thanks for having lunch with me!
Onto next year...my races are EXTREMELY subject to change, and they are already changing by the day. I think what I really want to do is to balance my family with my friends and racing--and racing friends. That's a tall order. So, I decided I really, really wanted to be able to go back to WIBA next year. There are just so many awesome people that I met there, and hopefully there will be a good crew next year as well. So, turning around and doing Muncie the following weekend is just too much traveling for this chick with a little one--I can already tell and Baby Z ain't even here yet! So.......here's my new plans: (don't worry--they might change in 5 minutes)
FIRST things FIRST--good luck to my buddy JenC as she tackles her first Ironman in Lake Placid! Jen has worked so hard and I just know she's going to rock the course. Also, good luck to Cliff as he takes on IMUSA, too! These guys are both just awesome people and I wish them an amazing and memorable race day. I'll be cheering for everyone out there!
Second off, I never got to disclose the Super Fast Blogger I got to meet last week....drum roll please...it was Kurt! If ya don't believe me, here's proof:
(agh! my camera is swallowing pictures...stay tuned for proof!) :)
Kurt was just as nice as could be, which is how I pictured him exactly! It was great to meet him in person and I hope our paths cross again. We talked about all kinds of stuff, and I asked him what the secret was to his super fast 5 and 10Ks, since my favorite thing to do is go out way too fast. :) Wish we could have hung out longer, but he had to go to work! Thanks for having lunch with me!
Onto next year...my races are EXTREMELY subject to change, and they are already changing by the day. I think what I really want to do is to balance my family with my friends and racing--and racing friends. That's a tall order. So, I decided I really, really wanted to be able to go back to WIBA next year. There are just so many awesome people that I met there, and hopefully there will be a good crew next year as well. So, turning around and doing Muncie the following weekend is just too much traveling for this chick with a little one--I can already tell and Baby Z ain't even here yet! So.......here's my new plans: (don't worry--they might change in 5 minutes)
- End of May: Cleveland Half Marathon, hopefully to race, but at the very least just to run!
- Early June IF life permits: Maumee Bay Sprint or Oly Tri....cuz why not? It's not too far-and I can be back by the afternoon!
- July: WIBA with my Ironfriends (maybe I can pick up Jacks on my way to Madison....? :) Hear that, Jacks?) and perhaps a local sprint tri, like Huntington, since I earned a free race by volunteering this year--boo-ya!
- August: Greater Cleveland Half Ironman--this is a great race put on by an awesome guy and HUGE supporter of all things triathlon, Mickey, and TONS of peeps in my tri club do it every year. It would be a great chance for me to get in a 70.3 close to home. It's not the flattest bike course, which for me means probably not a big PR, but I might need to sacrifice finishing time for distance. The other option is Steelhead, which I believe is a flatter bike course...but requires a 4 hour or so drive and a night at a hotel. Boo. So...we'll have to make that call probably more in May or so, when I see how I'm handling life at that point.
- October: Chicago Marathon--big trip and a big A race...and hopefully a sub-4 or at the very least a PR with my IronSis Wil !!! Lush might be there if life allows it for her, which would be hella sweet. And I know another SuperAwesome person who might be on the course somehow, too! :)
This sounds a bit more doable. And, it only really calls for 2 weekends (possibly 3 with Steelhead but that would really just be one night) away: one to Madison, and one to Chi-Town. AND, I'd get to see lots of my IronBlogger friends while also doing a great race with my Cleveland TriClub friends. I've never done a "big" marathon before, and I think I could really feed off the crowd support and atmosphere when the going gets tough, as it inevitably will if I'm (able and) trying to go hard.
So that's the new flavor of the week. I'll have to update my chart! But for now, a storm came through and cooled things off, so a nice long walk is in order.
Sammy and Justin are coming into town this weekend for Cerveza's wedding, as are Po, Lush, and Hedda...so I'm pumped! And HAPPY 30TH TO MY GIRL JACKS! I have a few days on her but now we're even. :)
GOOD LUCK to all at IMUSA this weekend!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Motion
How do you avoid triathlon burnout?
Get knocked up.
(Seriously.)
I think this is great advice. I was thinking about it the other day, and I really haven't stopped moving in a while. 2004 saw a bunch of triathlons, a Masters degree, and a marriage. 2005 brought me another marathon, some olympic and sprint tris, and my first half ironman. 2006 brought me another half ironman, 2 half marathons, a few shorter tris, and an Ironman. I did a half marathon in late November, 2006.
I didn't stop.
Until February rolled around. When my body gave me the proverbial middle finger and sort of FORCED me to stop.
I kicked and screamed. I tried to keep going...and mostly failed. I slept. A lot. In short, I really didn't know what to do with myself. If I'm not moving, then who am I?
I think that's a good question for all triathletes out there to ask themselves.
Because this thing can be taken away from you at a moment's notice. And not always for good, exciting reasons.
You really, really need to know who you are when you're not moving.
I'm getting to know her...and maybe starting to like her a bit. I'm realizing how much of a dreamer she is--that she can't stop thinking about the future. She thinks about school...will she really be able to handle an AP class and a bunch of honors kids? She hasn't really had the honors kids...ever. Far from it. Especially not with a new (or at least MUCH more detailed) subject and when 9 months pregnant.
Then, she remembers...yeah. Cum laude, Miami University. Armonk Scholar. James Madison Scholar. 3.9 GPA in MA program.
She can do it somehow. She'll make it work.
She thinks about the fall. How the room that used to be an office is now starting to fill up with blue, yellow, and green things. How she can't deny what's about to happen when she feels a strong kick to the rib cage. How sometimes it's all so overwhelming it brings tears of frustration to her eyes...this thing is so much bigger than anything she's ever done. It's so damn scary.
But she's never let herself down before. She remembers that...at mile 5 of the bike course last year, she knew if she was going to make it that day she was going to have to adapt to the situation and throw all prior goals out the window. It was going to be all about surviving.
So she knows she'll somehow do that, too.
She dreams about next year. Of how happy she'll be to get on her bike for the first time, after watching so many rain-less, brisk mornings go by this summer. Of how she can't wait to run...to really, really run again. To do a track workout. To gasp for air again. To see a "7" on her watch--at the front--after running a mile. To feel her heart pounding.
Of how good it will feel to be at a starting line next year.
Any starting line. And how good it will feel to finish.
But for now, she's forcing herself to be in the present, because she has to. The kicks remind her. Snap out of it. Think about now.
She's packed away all her trophies and age group awards, and really wasn't sad to see them move to the attic after mostly gathering dust in the old office. She's starting to realize that's not what this is really about. That she'll never, ever be in the top 3 at an Ironman, a marathon, or for that matter, probably at a half-ironman. But she knows that those races are where she needs to be.
She's getting as ready as she can...because you never will be ready. You can wait your whole life to be "ready," and still not be there. She's figured that part out, at least.
But sooner or later, she knows she's going to have to trust herself and her abilities.
And that's who I am when I am not moving.
Get knocked up.
(Seriously.)
I think this is great advice. I was thinking about it the other day, and I really haven't stopped moving in a while. 2004 saw a bunch of triathlons, a Masters degree, and a marriage. 2005 brought me another marathon, some olympic and sprint tris, and my first half ironman. 2006 brought me another half ironman, 2 half marathons, a few shorter tris, and an Ironman. I did a half marathon in late November, 2006.
I didn't stop.
Until February rolled around. When my body gave me the proverbial middle finger and sort of FORCED me to stop.
I kicked and screamed. I tried to keep going...and mostly failed. I slept. A lot. In short, I really didn't know what to do with myself. If I'm not moving, then who am I?
I think that's a good question for all triathletes out there to ask themselves.
Because this thing can be taken away from you at a moment's notice. And not always for good, exciting reasons.
You really, really need to know who you are when you're not moving.
I'm getting to know her...and maybe starting to like her a bit. I'm realizing how much of a dreamer she is--that she can't stop thinking about the future. She thinks about school...will she really be able to handle an AP class and a bunch of honors kids? She hasn't really had the honors kids...ever. Far from it. Especially not with a new (or at least MUCH more detailed) subject and when 9 months pregnant.
Then, she remembers...yeah. Cum laude, Miami University. Armonk Scholar. James Madison Scholar. 3.9 GPA in MA program.
She can do it somehow. She'll make it work.
She thinks about the fall. How the room that used to be an office is now starting to fill up with blue, yellow, and green things. How she can't deny what's about to happen when she feels a strong kick to the rib cage. How sometimes it's all so overwhelming it brings tears of frustration to her eyes...this thing is so much bigger than anything she's ever done. It's so damn scary.
But she's never let herself down before. She remembers that...at mile 5 of the bike course last year, she knew if she was going to make it that day she was going to have to adapt to the situation and throw all prior goals out the window. It was going to be all about surviving.
So she knows she'll somehow do that, too.
She dreams about next year. Of how happy she'll be to get on her bike for the first time, after watching so many rain-less, brisk mornings go by this summer. Of how she can't wait to run...to really, really run again. To do a track workout. To gasp for air again. To see a "7" on her watch--at the front--after running a mile. To feel her heart pounding.
Of how good it will feel to be at a starting line next year.
Any starting line. And how good it will feel to finish.
But for now, she's forcing herself to be in the present, because she has to. The kicks remind her. Snap out of it. Think about now.
She's packed away all her trophies and age group awards, and really wasn't sad to see them move to the attic after mostly gathering dust in the old office. She's starting to realize that's not what this is really about. That she'll never, ever be in the top 3 at an Ironman, a marathon, or for that matter, probably at a half-ironman. But she knows that those races are where she needs to be.
She's getting as ready as she can...because you never will be ready. You can wait your whole life to be "ready," and still not be there. She's figured that part out, at least.
But sooner or later, she knows she's going to have to trust herself and her abilities.
And that's who I am when I am not moving.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Okay, Blogger won't let me put a title on my posts now. WTF?
Anyway, I have a few additional and somewhat unrelated things to say.
NO more watches for my swims.
I wore a watch today and it was sooooooooooooooooooo sad. I just didn't have more than 1600 meters in me today. I had to have a break in the middle because the "lifeguards saw lightening," which I think was total bull and they just wanted a break. So yeah. One mile. A LOT slower than usual. Many, MANY minutes. Ew. I've had to scrap the flip turns, so maybe I can blame a few minutes on that...? Ah, who am I kiddin'. But, I guess that's what I get for carting around a 2.5 pound, 15 inch being (or so the books say at this point in the game).
Furthermore, it was too hot for me to walk at the track so I passed. Ugh. I miss running so much. Boo. Saw a lot of people braving the heat out there and it reminded me of all my runs last summer, to "get ready for the heat" in Madison (now that's just COMICAL). Iron Johnny and I would have LOVED to do a nice 2 hour run on a day like today. We used to wait until it was as hot and humid as possible. And then on race day I had to wear a garbage bag...ha ha!
While Matt was putting our floor in and I felt useless, I tried to assemble one of those "easy assemble" shelves. I SUCK at that stuff. Sure enough, within 5 minutes, I screwed it up and put 2 holes in it and started crying. So Matt came up to help me and saw in the directions where it said to use the SMALL dowels instead of the large ones and I SWEAR THE WORD SMALL WASN'T THERE BEFORE. Anyway, the holes are in the bottom so at least I screwed up the part no one would see. Matt helped me get back on track and then had to read for his classes, so I finished it up and put the blue, green, and yellow drawers in it.
And just for fun I put some stuff on the shelves that we've gotten. A piggy bank my niece made the baby. A blue stuffed bunny. A book.
And then, I realized it's starting to look like a baby's room.
And then I cried again but just for 10 seconds or so.
Damn, I wish I could go for a run.
Anyway, I have a few additional and somewhat unrelated things to say.
NO more watches for my swims.
I wore a watch today and it was sooooooooooooooooooo sad. I just didn't have more than 1600 meters in me today. I had to have a break in the middle because the "lifeguards saw lightening," which I think was total bull and they just wanted a break. So yeah. One mile. A LOT slower than usual. Many, MANY minutes. Ew. I've had to scrap the flip turns, so maybe I can blame a few minutes on that...? Ah, who am I kiddin'. But, I guess that's what I get for carting around a 2.5 pound, 15 inch being (or so the books say at this point in the game).
Furthermore, it was too hot for me to walk at the track so I passed. Ugh. I miss running so much. Boo. Saw a lot of people braving the heat out there and it reminded me of all my runs last summer, to "get ready for the heat" in Madison (now that's just COMICAL). Iron Johnny and I would have LOVED to do a nice 2 hour run on a day like today. We used to wait until it was as hot and humid as possible. And then on race day I had to wear a garbage bag...ha ha!
While Matt was putting our floor in and I felt useless, I tried to assemble one of those "easy assemble" shelves. I SUCK at that stuff. Sure enough, within 5 minutes, I screwed it up and put 2 holes in it and started crying. So Matt came up to help me and saw in the directions where it said to use the SMALL dowels instead of the large ones and I SWEAR THE WORD SMALL WASN'T THERE BEFORE. Anyway, the holes are in the bottom so at least I screwed up the part no one would see. Matt helped me get back on track and then had to read for his classes, so I finished it up and put the blue, green, and yellow drawers in it.
And just for fun I put some stuff on the shelves that we've gotten. A piggy bank my niece made the baby. A blue stuffed bunny. A book.
And then, I realized it's starting to look like a baby's room.
And then I cried again but just for 10 seconds or so.
Damn, I wish I could go for a run.
Ugggggghhhhhhh.
There's a reason I don't live in the Southeastern US, folks.
I. HATE. HEAT. AND. HUMIDITY.
Yes, that's right. I will take 3 months of snow, sleet, and blustery winds in exchange for my nice, temperate spring, summer, and beautiful fall.
So this 93 degrees and high humidity thing BLOWS. And not just when I'm pregnant. Pretty much all the time. I enjoy living in a city with very few 90-plus degree days, and I have not been a happy camper the past few days! Man, how do you guys that live in the south DO THIS? Ugh....
Anyway, we had a great weekend. I feel like Rae with our kitchen remodeling! It's about halfway and unlike Rae we are ONLY doing the floor. I will post some pics when it's done. I'm not much help though, since I can't bend over very well and am the most un-handy person alive. Good thing I married the most handy person alive. But, I'm good at organizing, so while he was working on the floor, I cleaned out and organized all our cabinets. Yay! I contributed. :)
We also have some bathroom remodeling going on--the last of our wallpaper infested house to go down! It's not going down without a fight. The shower stall with pink and black tile, I'm proud to say, is no more. But we still have the fugly wallpaper with butterflies and stripes. Our whole house was pretty much covered in wallpaper when we moved in and we've saved this little gem for last. Hopefully we can just finish the stall this year and tackle the wallpaper later, because......
The nursery is still a disaster.
Maybe I'm just worrying too much here, but sersly. Alls I got is STILL my jogging stroller. Uh oh. Good thing we have a room that's yellow and blue. Matt likes to say it's because Baby Z is a Michigan fan (ew). It was our old office, so going through everything has been a pain. We're getting there, but we need to get rid of some more stuff PRONTO. And, like, get some stuff we need. But, I guess we've got time for that.
This Sunday I volunteered for the Lorain Sprint Tri and Du. It was hella fun! I did bodymarking and then was the "pointer" for T1 and T2. It was REAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY hot though, and even though I drank a lot of water, I still didn't quite feel like myself even yesterday. Saw lots of CTC people kicking some butt, which was good. It's a great race for first-timers, too, so it was fun to see people getting bitten by the tri bug. And my buddy Marie was 3rd in Age Group, so she picked up some hardware! The best part? I get a FREE RACE VOUCHER for next year for ANY NCN race! Yahoooooooooooooooo! I might need to bail on the Chicago Oly for next year and just stay local and do the Lorain Oly...two trips to Chi-Town might be too hard to pull off, and I definitely want to do the marathon. Don't hate me, Wil....I'm still in for Muncie and the marathon though!
Today I'm going to do a 2000 yard swim and then maybe meet the Second Sole crew for a walk while they run. I don't know....I gotta see how this heat factors in. I might have to bail on the walk. Luckily, it is supposed to go back down to the 70s later this week.
And guess what? Tomorrow I am meeting a SUPER FAST and SUPER COOL Blogger for lunch! Super Fast Blogger is from quite a ways away and coming through on business, so I will leave you in suspense as to who it is...but don't worry, I'll get pictures!
There's a reason I don't live in the Southeastern US, folks.
I. HATE. HEAT. AND. HUMIDITY.
Yes, that's right. I will take 3 months of snow, sleet, and blustery winds in exchange for my nice, temperate spring, summer, and beautiful fall.
So this 93 degrees and high humidity thing BLOWS. And not just when I'm pregnant. Pretty much all the time. I enjoy living in a city with very few 90-plus degree days, and I have not been a happy camper the past few days! Man, how do you guys that live in the south DO THIS? Ugh....
Anyway, we had a great weekend. I feel like Rae with our kitchen remodeling! It's about halfway and unlike Rae we are ONLY doing the floor. I will post some pics when it's done. I'm not much help though, since I can't bend over very well and am the most un-handy person alive. Good thing I married the most handy person alive. But, I'm good at organizing, so while he was working on the floor, I cleaned out and organized all our cabinets. Yay! I contributed. :)
We also have some bathroom remodeling going on--the last of our wallpaper infested house to go down! It's not going down without a fight. The shower stall with pink and black tile, I'm proud to say, is no more. But we still have the fugly wallpaper with butterflies and stripes. Our whole house was pretty much covered in wallpaper when we moved in and we've saved this little gem for last. Hopefully we can just finish the stall this year and tackle the wallpaper later, because......
The nursery is still a disaster.
Maybe I'm just worrying too much here, but sersly. Alls I got is STILL my jogging stroller. Uh oh. Good thing we have a room that's yellow and blue. Matt likes to say it's because Baby Z is a Michigan fan (ew). It was our old office, so going through everything has been a pain. We're getting there, but we need to get rid of some more stuff PRONTO. And, like, get some stuff we need. But, I guess we've got time for that.
This Sunday I volunteered for the Lorain Sprint Tri and Du. It was hella fun! I did bodymarking and then was the "pointer" for T1 and T2. It was REAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY hot though, and even though I drank a lot of water, I still didn't quite feel like myself even yesterday. Saw lots of CTC people kicking some butt, which was good. It's a great race for first-timers, too, so it was fun to see people getting bitten by the tri bug. And my buddy Marie was 3rd in Age Group, so she picked up some hardware! The best part? I get a FREE RACE VOUCHER for next year for ANY NCN race! Yahoooooooooooooooo! I might need to bail on the Chicago Oly for next year and just stay local and do the Lorain Oly...two trips to Chi-Town might be too hard to pull off, and I definitely want to do the marathon. Don't hate me, Wil....I'm still in for Muncie and the marathon though!
Today I'm going to do a 2000 yard swim and then maybe meet the Second Sole crew for a walk while they run. I don't know....I gotta see how this heat factors in. I might have to bail on the walk. Luckily, it is supposed to go back down to the 70s later this week.
And guess what? Tomorrow I am meeting a SUPER FAST and SUPER COOL Blogger for lunch! Super Fast Blogger is from quite a ways away and coming through on business, so I will leave you in suspense as to who it is...but don't worry, I'll get pictures!
Friday, July 06, 2007
Embracing 30
Man, so many changes in the last year.
I became an Ironman.
I became pregnant.
I became the new AP US History teacher for next year.
I became unsure of what to do with myself in the face of all these changes.
It turns out, all I have to do is believe in myself and lean on my friends. My husband, who is the most amazing person in the world to me. And I am blessed with the most wonderful, supportive group of friends EVER. Thanks to all my buddies for helping me celebrate a new year--I was bombarded with voicemails, texts, emails, and cards on Thursday. It really brightened my day!
So they say that when you're 30 you finally start believing in yourself. I think I believe in myself for the most part...but I have a long way to go. These next three months are going to really test that, I think. I'll be volunteering at a triathlon this Sunday, and then volunteering at the Burning River 100 mile race this year...I have sent away my wetsuit to my good buddy Jacks, and sent away my wheels to TriEric.
This year, it's my turn to step back and return as much tri-karma as I can, because I know how lucky I was last year to receive so much.
This year, I'll watch my good friend TriShannon cross that finish line at Ironman Wisconsin, after she was forced to sit back with an injury and support ME last year. Her dedication, talent, and perserverance never cease to amaze me.
This year, unfortunately, I'll have to settle for Ironmanlive.com to watch Greyhound at the finish line. Last year, I got to put my sweaty, nasty, rain-soaked and shivering arm around him at the finish line and RobbyB put the medal around MY neck. I wish I could be there to do the same.
This year is my Iron Sis Wil's year. I can't wait to watch her finish Ironman. I can only hope to repay her somehow for all she's done for me in the past few months. It's amazing how something as seemingly insignificant as a race can bring people together and bond you for life, you know?
So in the spirit of embracing this year's changes, here I am. I'm done hiding.
13 weeks to go until things change more than I can even imagine.
I became an Ironman.
I became pregnant.
I became the new AP US History teacher for next year.
I became unsure of what to do with myself in the face of all these changes.
It turns out, all I have to do is believe in myself and lean on my friends. My husband, who is the most amazing person in the world to me. And I am blessed with the most wonderful, supportive group of friends EVER. Thanks to all my buddies for helping me celebrate a new year--I was bombarded with voicemails, texts, emails, and cards on Thursday. It really brightened my day!
So they say that when you're 30 you finally start believing in yourself. I think I believe in myself for the most part...but I have a long way to go. These next three months are going to really test that, I think. I'll be volunteering at a triathlon this Sunday, and then volunteering at the Burning River 100 mile race this year...I have sent away my wetsuit to my good buddy Jacks, and sent away my wheels to TriEric.
This year, it's my turn to step back and return as much tri-karma as I can, because I know how lucky I was last year to receive so much.
This year, I'll watch my good friend TriShannon cross that finish line at Ironman Wisconsin, after she was forced to sit back with an injury and support ME last year. Her dedication, talent, and perserverance never cease to amaze me.
This year, unfortunately, I'll have to settle for Ironmanlive.com to watch Greyhound at the finish line. Last year, I got to put my sweaty, nasty, rain-soaked and shivering arm around him at the finish line and RobbyB put the medal around MY neck. I wish I could be there to do the same.
This year is my Iron Sis Wil's year. I can't wait to watch her finish Ironman. I can only hope to repay her somehow for all she's done for me in the past few months. It's amazing how something as seemingly insignificant as a race can bring people together and bond you for life, you know?
So in the spirit of embracing this year's changes, here I am. I'm done hiding.
13 weeks to go until things change more than I can even imagine.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
I am a HUGE dork.
I hate to admit this, but I saw this movie yesterday and it was AWESOME. (Except for the part where I got MASSIVELY motion-sick and since I can't take any dramamine, I had to beeline for the bathroom afterwords like a 19-year-old at a keg party. Ugh.)
It kinda makes me want to go find my bro's Optimus Prime.
I must also give big birthday shout outs to the Great One, Huey Lewis, who shares a birthday with me tomorrow.
Seriously. He's, like, the only famous person that shares my birthday with me. I guess I'll take what I can get.
I have MAD love for Huey though, and threw a few songs on our July 4th picnic playlist for tonight! Hopefully this rain will hold off and we can get in some good games of cornhole tonight. I just made potato salad and deviled eggs, and am taking a little break before making antipasta salad (yum) and my extra special burgers. Mmmmmmmmmmm.
To all here in the states, Happy 4th!
It kinda makes me want to go find my bro's Optimus Prime.
I must also give big birthday shout outs to the Great One, Huey Lewis, who shares a birthday with me tomorrow.
Seriously. He's, like, the only famous person that shares my birthday with me. I guess I'll take what I can get.
I have MAD love for Huey though, and threw a few songs on our July 4th picnic playlist for tonight! Hopefully this rain will hold off and we can get in some good games of cornhole tonight. I just made potato salad and deviled eggs, and am taking a little break before making antipasta salad (yum) and my extra special burgers. Mmmmmmmmmmm.
To all here in the states, Happy 4th!
Monday, July 02, 2007
No Sugar Coating Zone
Alright, I'm keeping it real now.
I never heard it would be like this before, so maybe if I just keep it real someone out there like me might feel less alone on this stuff. If you'd like a happy entry come back later, I guess.
Except for one thing: had a WONDERFUL swim today outside in a beautiful blue sky. 2500 meters. Felt great. Felt almost normal.
Other than that, here goes.
I only cried once today, which is down from 3-4 times the past 3 days, so that's a start. And at least Matt was here instead of backpacking in Michigan out of all cell phone reach. I think that's why I cried so much this weekend. Lonely house. No way to talk to my best friend. Ugh.
I went to lunch with some of my close friends from work, and it was so good to see them....but so overwhelming. There were 5 cute little ones there and 3 of them are 6 weeks old or less. The others are 2 and 3. Just watching my friends and hearing them talk totally, completely overwhelmed me. Two had to go to the bathroom--one to try and stop her sweet little newborn from crying, the other escorted another friend's adorable daughter so she could hold her son. Then a little cutie started crying and I was the nearest one...so I tried to help and realized I really didn't know how. I couldn't even get her out of the CAR SEAT. I had to get instructions from my friend. All I could think of was, "What have I gotten myself into? I know NOTHING...." So that freaked me out. Big time.
This calorie stuff has me feeling like I'm in a prison for the next three months. I don't know if I can do it, because old habits die hard. Old habits being whenever I've counted calories before, I turn it into this sick almost-game where I try to keep it as low as I can. I can pull that crap off when it's just me...(not that it's GOOD. I'm just saying that unfortunately I can and did) but I can NOT be doing that now. It's not just me that might get hurt.
"The charts" that I have come to detest say that you are supposed to eat 300 extra calories a day, plus if you work out, an additional 200 or so on top of that. So, the past 4 days, my 1400 calories and 4 workouts really aren't cutting it. I know this. I sort of knew this would happen. I'd like to say I could track my food and count my calories without it happening, but that's not true. Maybe someday, but apparantly, still not now.
So I don't know if I should track my food anymore. I'm fearing that it will only make me feel worse (as it has), but more importantly than that, only make things worse for the baby. I might just have to tell my doctor to stuff it.
By the way, I'm in the process of trying to switch doctors. That's stressful, too, as I've only really gone to this one, but I know that things are only going to get more tense and emotional and scary from here on out, and I can't have what happened on Friday happen again. I just can't. Asking if I "drink a lot of pop" and then leaving the room when I'm in tears is just not cool. I think I need one that is a bit more sensitive, and I've gotten some great recommendations from friends. I just have to see if insurance will allow it this late in the game.
Thanks for the emails and comments with stories of others who don't fit the charts. It's nice to know I'm not alone. For the record, I'll just lay it out here: my doctor is freaked because I am up 27 pounds. According to ME, I am up 33, since I go from what I weighed before I got pregnant and not what I weighed my first visit at 10 weeks. Whatever. Compared to numbers I'm hearing from some of you out there who have been so gracious to share it, that's the only thing making me feel better. 27/33 isn't 400. I am 27 weeks along today. 13 weeks to go, so if I can keep it to 1/2 pound a week, I'll be at 40, which from what I'm researching for my frame is still considered pretty average. But, what if I can't? I worry about that, too.
I remember sobbing when I was 7 or 8 because one stupid kid would call me fat and I would just fixate on it and it was all I heard. My Mom tried over and over again to tell me I wasn't, that I was a strong little swimmer, that I was tall...when I was in high school, my friends said the same as I started the calorie counting ridiculousness. For some reason, I just can't shake what my doctor said, even though all the voices of reason out there are knocking me over the head with the obvious. And when I'm counting these damn calories I just can't stop being worried to put anything in my mouth that's not spinach, fat-free yogurt, carrot sticks, or a plain piece of chicken.
I can't do that for 3 more months. Not only will I drive myself insane, but it's not healthy. So I don't think I'm going to.
I think what I need to do is block OUT the one voice that doesn't make sense, and focus on all the other ones that do.
And focus on mine, too.
And stop crying, too. These hormones are freakin' out of control. Maybe this is a girl in here...I've sworn it was a boy all along until this past week. :)
I never heard it would be like this before, so maybe if I just keep it real someone out there like me might feel less alone on this stuff. If you'd like a happy entry come back later, I guess.
Except for one thing: had a WONDERFUL swim today outside in a beautiful blue sky. 2500 meters. Felt great. Felt almost normal.
Other than that, here goes.
I only cried once today, which is down from 3-4 times the past 3 days, so that's a start. And at least Matt was here instead of backpacking in Michigan out of all cell phone reach. I think that's why I cried so much this weekend. Lonely house. No way to talk to my best friend. Ugh.
I went to lunch with some of my close friends from work, and it was so good to see them....but so overwhelming. There were 5 cute little ones there and 3 of them are 6 weeks old or less. The others are 2 and 3. Just watching my friends and hearing them talk totally, completely overwhelmed me. Two had to go to the bathroom--one to try and stop her sweet little newborn from crying, the other escorted another friend's adorable daughter so she could hold her son. Then a little cutie started crying and I was the nearest one...so I tried to help and realized I really didn't know how. I couldn't even get her out of the CAR SEAT. I had to get instructions from my friend. All I could think of was, "What have I gotten myself into? I know NOTHING...." So that freaked me out. Big time.
This calorie stuff has me feeling like I'm in a prison for the next three months. I don't know if I can do it, because old habits die hard. Old habits being whenever I've counted calories before, I turn it into this sick almost-game where I try to keep it as low as I can. I can pull that crap off when it's just me...(not that it's GOOD. I'm just saying that unfortunately I can and did) but I can NOT be doing that now. It's not just me that might get hurt.
"The charts" that I have come to detest say that you are supposed to eat 300 extra calories a day, plus if you work out, an additional 200 or so on top of that. So, the past 4 days, my 1400 calories and 4 workouts really aren't cutting it. I know this. I sort of knew this would happen. I'd like to say I could track my food and count my calories without it happening, but that's not true. Maybe someday, but apparantly, still not now.
So I don't know if I should track my food anymore. I'm fearing that it will only make me feel worse (as it has), but more importantly than that, only make things worse for the baby. I might just have to tell my doctor to stuff it.
By the way, I'm in the process of trying to switch doctors. That's stressful, too, as I've only really gone to this one, but I know that things are only going to get more tense and emotional and scary from here on out, and I can't have what happened on Friday happen again. I just can't. Asking if I "drink a lot of pop" and then leaving the room when I'm in tears is just not cool. I think I need one that is a bit more sensitive, and I've gotten some great recommendations from friends. I just have to see if insurance will allow it this late in the game.
Thanks for the emails and comments with stories of others who don't fit the charts. It's nice to know I'm not alone. For the record, I'll just lay it out here: my doctor is freaked because I am up 27 pounds. According to ME, I am up 33, since I go from what I weighed before I got pregnant and not what I weighed my first visit at 10 weeks. Whatever. Compared to numbers I'm hearing from some of you out there who have been so gracious to share it, that's the only thing making me feel better. 27/33 isn't 400. I am 27 weeks along today. 13 weeks to go, so if I can keep it to 1/2 pound a week, I'll be at 40, which from what I'm researching for my frame is still considered pretty average. But, what if I can't? I worry about that, too.
I remember sobbing when I was 7 or 8 because one stupid kid would call me fat and I would just fixate on it and it was all I heard. My Mom tried over and over again to tell me I wasn't, that I was a strong little swimmer, that I was tall...when I was in high school, my friends said the same as I started the calorie counting ridiculousness. For some reason, I just can't shake what my doctor said, even though all the voices of reason out there are knocking me over the head with the obvious. And when I'm counting these damn calories I just can't stop being worried to put anything in my mouth that's not spinach, fat-free yogurt, carrot sticks, or a plain piece of chicken.
I can't do that for 3 more months. Not only will I drive myself insane, but it's not healthy. So I don't think I'm going to.
I think what I need to do is block OUT the one voice that doesn't make sense, and focus on all the other ones that do.
And focus on mine, too.
And stop crying, too. These hormones are freakin' out of control. Maybe this is a girl in here...I've sworn it was a boy all along until this past week. :)
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Starting Fresh
...kinda like next year.
I was just telling Wil how excited I am to race next year, because it will just be all shiny and new again. After spending the better part of the past two days crying and feeling sorry for myself, I think I'm done now. Gotta love these hormones.
My philosophy will be to track everything I'm consuming. It shouldn't be too different from before, but I'm going to really watch the salty carbs that I like so much. Like pretzels. And Sun Chips. Mmmmm. Sun Chips. They will go bye bye.
I went to a natural foods market today and bought lots of vegetables--even more than usual!--and some other stuff to make lower-carb and lean-protein things. Anyway, all is not lost. After all, the baby is fine. That's what really matters. I went on a 2 mile walk today at the lake and it was a beautiful day. I'm not going to let this get me down. I've got a birthday Thursday, too. A big one. There's no crying at birthdays. Not that I'm even really doing anything that exciting, but still. Supposed to be happy. And I WILL eat enchiladas and a little ice cream cake that day. I'm sorry. It just is going to happen.
I refuse to go through the next three months of this hating every second. There's got to be a silver lining in here somehow. And although I've felt more down on myself this weekend than I have in a long, LONG time, there's still hope. Maybe things will level out. Maybe I can stay around where I am. I'm not off the "chart" yet...
All I can do is be the healthiest I can be. I did that last year, but I had the luxury of being able to torch 2 or 3 thousand calories in a nice long brick every Saturday. I could eat what I wanted and not pay as much attention. I feel like I've paid lots of attention now, but maybe I haven't. Something's not adding up.
So now I'll pay close attention. It couldn't hurt. And if it still doesn't change things, then at least I know I've done everything possible in my control. And I'll have to let it go then.
I found a great site: http://www.babyfit.com/ where I've started tracking my nutrition and workouts. They even have a nice message board where there are "teams" of Moms. I found a "Racing Mommies" team. How cool is that? Most of them are already moms but maybe they'll let me in the club. :)
I'm gonna do this, dammit. And I'm gonna like it.
I was just telling Wil how excited I am to race next year, because it will just be all shiny and new again. After spending the better part of the past two days crying and feeling sorry for myself, I think I'm done now. Gotta love these hormones.
My philosophy will be to track everything I'm consuming. It shouldn't be too different from before, but I'm going to really watch the salty carbs that I like so much. Like pretzels. And Sun Chips. Mmmmm. Sun Chips. They will go bye bye.
I went to a natural foods market today and bought lots of vegetables--even more than usual!--and some other stuff to make lower-carb and lean-protein things. Anyway, all is not lost. After all, the baby is fine. That's what really matters. I went on a 2 mile walk today at the lake and it was a beautiful day. I'm not going to let this get me down. I've got a birthday Thursday, too. A big one. There's no crying at birthdays. Not that I'm even really doing anything that exciting, but still. Supposed to be happy. And I WILL eat enchiladas and a little ice cream cake that day. I'm sorry. It just is going to happen.
I refuse to go through the next three months of this hating every second. There's got to be a silver lining in here somehow. And although I've felt more down on myself this weekend than I have in a long, LONG time, there's still hope. Maybe things will level out. Maybe I can stay around where I am. I'm not off the "chart" yet...
All I can do is be the healthiest I can be. I did that last year, but I had the luxury of being able to torch 2 or 3 thousand calories in a nice long brick every Saturday. I could eat what I wanted and not pay as much attention. I feel like I've paid lots of attention now, but maybe I haven't. Something's not adding up.
So now I'll pay close attention. It couldn't hurt. And if it still doesn't change things, then at least I know I've done everything possible in my control. And I'll have to let it go then.
I found a great site: http://www.babyfit.com/ where I've started tracking my nutrition and workouts. They even have a nice message board where there are "teams" of Moms. I found a "Racing Mommies" team. How cool is that? Most of them are already moms but maybe they'll let me in the club. :)
I'm gonna do this, dammit. And I'm gonna like it.
Friday, June 29, 2007
All better, sort of.
I talked to four people whom I trust: one is an athletic good friend dietician, two are athletic moms (one of them being my own), and one's a best friend. All said pretty much the same thing, which was reassuring to hear that no matter if it's a dietitician or my best friend with no kids. My doctor probably spoke without thinking a bit, which might explain why when I started throwing things at her like "zero refined carbohydrates" and "high-fiber" and "low-glycemic" and "light but sustained physical activity" she started backpedaling and looked very confused. When she asked me if I "drank a lot of pop" and I said I haven't had pop in probably 15 years, or that I know not to drink juice because of empty calories she seemed lost. She sees me more as a piece of paper, which is just the way our medical system is set up right now, and she's probably trying to cover her ass. I can respect that, but I've had some philisophical differences and this just might be the straw that broke the camel's back. Next time around, I think I'll be going with a doctor who understands athletes more or is at least willing to entertain the possibility that someone might be doing everything right and still not fit into the "recommended chart."
I will still write everything down like she suggested, and I will BRING it next month. Yeah, that's right. BRING IT, DOC. I'm coming prepared. And she said she "might need me to see a dietician" if things don't change and I might grow a pair and tell her thanks for the suggestion, but that's unecessary. I already have a good friend dietitician who is an endurance athlete that thinks my doctor is overreacting.
And I just did that blog rating thing last night that TriEric had on his blog and mine was PG because I had the word "ass" 4 times on my blog. So make that 5. Or actually, 6.
ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS.
Ha!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go for a nice long walk with a few podcasts.
I talked to four people whom I trust: one is an athletic good friend dietician, two are athletic moms (one of them being my own), and one's a best friend. All said pretty much the same thing, which was reassuring to hear that no matter if it's a dietitician or my best friend with no kids. My doctor probably spoke without thinking a bit, which might explain why when I started throwing things at her like "zero refined carbohydrates" and "high-fiber" and "low-glycemic" and "light but sustained physical activity" she started backpedaling and looked very confused. When she asked me if I "drank a lot of pop" and I said I haven't had pop in probably 15 years, or that I know not to drink juice because of empty calories she seemed lost. She sees me more as a piece of paper, which is just the way our medical system is set up right now, and she's probably trying to cover her ass. I can respect that, but I've had some philisophical differences and this just might be the straw that broke the camel's back. Next time around, I think I'll be going with a doctor who understands athletes more or is at least willing to entertain the possibility that someone might be doing everything right and still not fit into the "recommended chart."
I will still write everything down like she suggested, and I will BRING it next month. Yeah, that's right. BRING IT, DOC. I'm coming prepared. And she said she "might need me to see a dietician" if things don't change and I might grow a pair and tell her thanks for the suggestion, but that's unecessary. I already have a good friend dietitician who is an endurance athlete that thinks my doctor is overreacting.
And I just did that blog rating thing last night that TriEric had on his blog and mine was PG because I had the word "ass" 4 times on my blog. So make that 5. Or actually, 6.
ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS ASS.
Ha!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go for a nice long walk with a few podcasts.
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