A Very Exciting Week

So I ran yesterday, and it went well. Which bodes well for the race I'm doing Saturday...maybe I can actually get through the run in one piece! Yahooyippeeeeeeee!

I can't WAIT to race this weekend. This is the first summer I haven't had a 70.3 looming over me and I definitely needed it. I love to race but knew that cutting back was going to be a smart plan, and even though there are moments when I think hey-maybe-I-could-do-Rev3?-I know that YES, I could do it, but I do not HAVE to. And that has been a nice feeling. I am excited to just enjoy a few races this summer and then wait until I really want something longer (which, who am I kidding, will probably be Rev3 half next year).

And on a completely unrelated note, I got my AP scores online today. I have to admit I really wasn't sure what this bunch would do. We all felt confident about the DBQ, though, and I crossed my fingers and hoped we had all done the other work for the rest of the test.

I am a big geek for this, but here goes: the scores were so good that I cried. Literally teared up. The best they've been in the 4 years I've been doing this. Out of 39 kids that took the test, 24 got 4s or 5s.

Proudly wearing my geek badge,

TST

Another year, another season

Whew!

Up for air. Finally.

I am sitting at home in an empty house at the moment, which happens about, oh, twice a year. It's absolutely glorious. I have nothing on the docket today except to see my good friend's beautiful new baby boy and to head to graduation tonight.

Another school year, in the books!

I can hardly believe I've been doing this 12 years now. I really was a baby when I started. Barely older than my students.

You know what? I am so NOT barely older than my students now. And I LOVE IT. I love, love, love not being the "young teacher" anymore. I'm not quite a veteran, but I'm hovering somewhere in the middle. Or, let's be honest, the way things are going in my state I won't be able to retire until I'm about 80, so maybe I'm earlier in my career than it seems. There's a certain level of difficulty that automatically comes with being a young teacher, and I'm very, very content to say that I'm past that now. It's kind of nice.

The end of school was loco. For a good reason, though. I dreamed pretty big back in January and wrote a grant for 15 iPads so that I could have my students create oral histories and "mini-documentaries" on different aspects of local history with the ultimate goal of having them end up here, on this super awesome app: www.clevelandhistorical.org Which you should check out. Although you may not find it all that interesting if you're not from Cleveland, but it's pretty freaking cool. All the content is user-created with oral histories narrating the story of various landmarks here in the NEO.

Never in a million zillion billion years did I think I'd get this grant.

Except I did!

Which is super amazing. But the equipment didn't come in until early May, so we literally had 3 weeks to throw together this project: learning the equipment and programs, scheduling and conducting 19 interviews, editing and selecting images from the Library of Congress or local archives, AND presenting. And grading. And....let's just say, my kids rose to the challenge, and although we had lots of bugs along the way, I am SO PROUD of what they created. They did awesome. If I get the permissions that I need, I'll post a few links here for you to see. I can't wait to continue this next year!

So now I'm getting ready to really get into a new tri season, but I've definitely had a few bumps on the road. My right hamstring (the one that seized up on me often during the marathon) has still been really tight. It's been bothering me when I'm running, so Coach Emily has really ramped me down. I'm hoping that with some continued yoga and easy runs, I can ramp it up back here soon. What fun is short course if I don't get to hammer?

That being said, not sure if that 5K in 2 weeks is in the cards. Eyeing one on July 4th, but not sure I could hammer it and still be okay for Lifetime. We'll see--a lot will depend on now this stupid hamstring feels.

In other news, I SWAM! And it sucked. But it should, for dear internet, I have not swam since JANUARY. Boooooo. That's no good at all. Really, someone needs to install a pool in my basement and then I'd be fine. Anyway, I still eked out 2000 yards, which is a reminder that I can wing it in the swim, however, just because I can does NOT mean that I should. I am looking forward to getting in the pool and open water here pretty often over the next few weeks.

I am getting my bike legs back a little bit, which is nice. And I have completely turned Ana into a riding buddy! I'm right--that girl will do just about anything. I may be creating a monster.

Looking forward to this bizarre thing called "free time," although after today I will have two little bugs running around and giggling like crazy, so I'm going to enjoy this rare solo quiet house while it lasts.

Happy Training!

Wait...now it's my turn?!

My kids were freaking out. ALL week. Freaking out, wondering if they did all they could. Frantically asking questions about the Gilded Age and Marbury v. Madison and the Peggy Eaton Affair and the Tariff of Abominations and the Great Society.

All week I said REPEATEDLY, "You guys will be FINE. You have to TRUST YOURSELVES. You have to believe that you did everything you could and you prepared the best you could, and whatever they ask you just believe that you are ready and go with your gut."

And then they had their test.

And they were fine.

Happy, even! Giggly. And some even told me thanks for getting them so ready.

Ahem. Perhaps I have a thing or two to learn here.

Because now that their test is over? Holy CRAP MINE IS NEXT SUNDAY.

It's here.

And I'm starting to get a little nervous.

Okay, okay. A LOT nervous.

I do sort of have this calmness, though, too. I swing between being nervous and thinking OMG WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO and you know what, self, you are going to be fine.

Every once in a while I'll have this wave of "it'll-be-fine-ness" rush over me, too. I think about what it will be like to cross that finish line, no matter what happens. I know I'm the leanest and fittest I've been in quite some time. I remember that I am running stronger now than I ever have, and now's as good of a time than ever to go for this crazy goal. The worst that could happen, in the scheme of things, isn't the worst thing ever.

Sometimes I just have this feeling like I'm going to do it.

And then I swing to ACK! again.

I have a feeling this is how it's kinda going to be for the next few days.

That was hard.

All of it. This week.

Was hard.

Really, really hard.

I don't know what to say without sounding like I'm whining. I hate whining. So I'm just going to say what I'm thinking in the hopes that it's not coming out like whining, but is coming out factual.

I got my butt handed to me this week.

Last weekend's long run (which was 6 days ago, actually) took a lot out of me. This week was rough at school, so even my rest days were not really rest days. I don't think I really got to recover enough, but such is life. The show must go on. I focused on good nutrition and attempted to get some sleep, despite having two sick little ones early in the week.

The routine was off, and I let it get to me.

I focused on negative energy that was hitting me this week, and I did not have my head in the right place. Not Tuesday, not Wednesday during my Yassos that left me in an exhausted heap on the floor after they were over, and certainly not today.

I had to do my 20 miler alone for a myriad of reasons. Mostly because it needed to be a) early b) near my house and c) Ana was gone.

It was supposed to look like this:

5 miles warmup

5 miles MRP

2 miles @9:00

6 miles @MRP

2 miles cooldown

It looked like this:

5 miles warmup cursing my Garmin for losing satellites and leaving me hanging

5 miles MRP where I needed to stop 2 times and lose my marbles

2 miles: one at 9, one at MUCH slower

1 mile trying to get to MRP and not coming close

7 miles very, very slowly and with many stops--2 to refill bottles (I drank 60 ounces in this run!) and one to sit on some guy's rock in his front yard and put my head in my hands

Total miles: 20

Average pace: 9:00/mile

Pathetic stops and self-doubt: much

I need to do a few things:

1. Eat a bigger breakfast. Clearly my one-packet of instant oatmeal is NOT cutting it at all.

2. Try to recover more. Sleep is a huge issue for me, and it was even more so with my kids being sick Sunday-Tuesday and with school dumping quite a load of stress on me this week. Simply put: I did not sleep much this week, and it killed me.

3. I need to surround myself with positive ideas and not negative.

Looking back at the plan, I did some solid cross-training on top of 37.1 miles ran with my overall average for those miles at 8:49. That is huge for me. I hate to say this was NOT a good week. That is a huge week for me and the fact that I'm able to do that is a huge improvement.

I think this solo run was good for me. It was good to be alone, to bonk alone, to feel how bad that sucked alone, so that I don't have to feel that again. I learned quite a bit about what I need to do here the next 3 weeks. And most of that work needs to be done in this big thing on top of my shoulders.

I am done with this week. I am ready for a week to recover mentally more than anything here--to actually, finally rest. I'm off school until May 2nd and I am hoping this will do wonders for my sleep and stress levels. Of course, when I get back the AP test is that Friday, but I feel like I needed to get those kids to the Election of 2000 before break and I did. It was crazy fast and stressful, but I did. The rest is up to them now. I told them they weren't going to go from a score of 1 to a score of 5 in the four days when we get back. There's no cramming for this test; either you have done the work all year like you were supposed to, or you didn't. End of story.

The same is true for me. I know I have done everything I possibly could. The hard work has been put in the bank. Now I need to really focus on fixing my mistakes from this week, believing in myself, and moving forward.

Seven Weeks

So I know it's been quiet over here.

Part of that is it's the end of the 3rd quarter. In fact, I have a pile of AP essays sitting next to me now begging to be graded. Sigh.

But part of that is that I just haven't quite known what to say.

I got ANOTHER infection last weekend. The doctor thinks it was a secondary sinus infection. Basically, I felt like butt. Headache that literally had me laying around like a slug (which works very well with two toddlers--my house looked like a tornado had come through) and begging for mercy with the most disgusting matter ever coming out of my nose. After a 5 mile treadmill run that literally almost had me in tears because how on earth was I ever going to run this pace again?, I cried uncle and called the doctor. She put me on antibiotics. I've taken it relatively easy over here--a MUCH better 5 mile run yesterday morning that even had me feeling like Rocky and busting out some pushups afterwards, but when it comes down to it....

I am still not 100%.

It's been over 2 weeks. Two very, very important weeks of training in a very, very important part of my marathon training plan.

To say I've been panicking is the understatement of the century.

Yesterday I lost it. I came home from work and was already bawling. Matt had no clue what to do with me. I just kept thinking how things were going so well, and this was my one chance...one chance before the times dropped down to what is darn near impossible for me, given my daily life responsibilities.

I felt like I was watching it slip away.

Emergency email into Coach Emily (who, by the way, kicked some serious ass at IM San Juan 70.3...she's pretty awesome like that). Basically saying something to the effects of:

Am I out of time?

Out of miles?

Do I give up? Do I drop to the half or do I readjust my goals and accept that this isn't in the cards?

She gave me a nice and much needed ass-kicking to the head. Here are some of the points raised:

1. There are 7 weeks left. There is still time to ramp up my miles. Not much, but enough.

2. What's the worst that can happen here? I blow up? So let's say I blow up. The sun will still come up on May 16th. The earth will continue to rotate on its axis. Life will go on.

3. She directed me to this article. Specifically, the part about Kara Goucher at the end. Is awesome. "I either need to be all in, or this isn't going to happen....my key word now is free...free of limits of myself, free not to do anything but run as hard as I can..."

I'm coming to terms with the reminder that this is, in fact, a MARATHON. There are NEVER any guarantees in a marathon. There is ALWAYS the chance you will blow up. There was before, and there still is now. These two weeks have not changed that entirely.

This has never, ever been easy for me. I am not the best athlete. I never have been. But what I do have going for me is a borderline irrational level of determination. I know that if I lined up on May 15th wearing a half marathon bib or standing by the 3:50 pace group, regardless of what happened at the finish line, I wouldn't sleep well that night. I would wonder. I would feel that I haven't given it my all.

That I wasn't all in.

The next seven weeks will be a true test of how far my heart can get me. I am going to have to work harder now than I was going to before. (And that was going to be pretty damn hard to begin with.) I am going to focus on just doing what I can do--letting these two weeks go, and focusing on the future.

And now I'm about to get all history on yo' asses. ;)

One of my favorite quotes that I always give my AP kids every year before they take their test--in a note I write to them with smarties stapled to it--is the one I had in my bento box the day I did Ironman almost five years ago. I think I need a refresher.

"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." --Teddy Roosevelt

No one ever said this would be easy. Especially for me.

It's about damn time I freed myself from my own limits.

"How do you do this?"

I put a countdown on my board for my kids this week.

13 CLASS WEEKS UNTIL THE AP TEST AND 6 UNITS TO GO

(On a side note, I also taught about Roosevelt's "Big Stick" diplomacy to 3 classes of 16 year olds. Thank you for your pity. I can still hear the Beavis and Butthead-style chuckles....huh huh....she said carry a big stick...huh huh)

Underneath that, I wrote, 14 WEEKS UNTIL MRS. Z'S TEST. I figured they'd might as well know that I also have something big and intimidating looming in the distance. Something that right about now makes me go, "WHY did I do this to myself?" Kinda like what they are all starting to think, too.

I get asked "why" I do this stuff a lot. To me, it's like asking why I blink my eyeballs every few seconds. It's not a question of why I'm a teacher. A mother. A triathlete. It's just part of me. I wouldn't be me without these things.

But you know what? Sometimes it's not easy.

Actually, lots of times.

Okay. The truth. Pretty much all the time.

I find myself often saying, "How do I do this?"

How will I do this?

How am I going to keep this up until May? And remain sane?

Is it really possible to be a mother, wife, friend, teacher, AND athlete--all at the same time?

Sometimes other people ask me how I do all these things. And the short answer is, I don't really know. Day by day, I guess you could say. There is no secret. There is no recipe. You make it work the best you can. Sometimes, I cry. And sometimes, I cheat like crazy. By cheat, I mean I use meal-assembly places for dinner even though I love to cook and am damn good at it, if I do say so myself. It buys me a few extra minutes to play Buzz Lightyear with Bug. I have a lot of help from my family--I'm lucky to have pretty much one of the most generous and helpful husbands in the universe. He'll "sense" laundry and do it. He'll see that I really need to get a long run in and take control of the fort so I can skip out for a bit. You either make peace with the fact that housework will not get done, or you get some help. I realized that workouts will be less about socializing and more about getting to know myself. And I further appreciate how wonderful it is to have good friends to swimbikerun with--when I had all the time in the world I don't think I realized just how important that is. Now I make an effort to do one "social workout" a week, even though it's pretty hard to schedule. Lately it's been one every-other week and might have to go longer as work is going to pick up. But I know they are out there, and they'll be there, ready to ride and run with me when I can.

This has been a true exercise in letting the small stuff go. That's never been easy for me. I'm getting there, but it's definitely a work in progress.

Bottom line: this is very difficult and often overwhelming. But I love it. I love every second of every part of it, as much as it frustrates me from time to time and as much as I often question whether or not I'm good enough at any of it.

I love watching my students right about this time of the year, when they realize that there's no turning back--it's time to put the proverbial mental miles in, or pay the consequences. And most of them choose to put the miles in. It means extra hours for me after school, but I honestly don't mind. Watching them do what they need to do over the next three months is why I got into this line of work, anyway.

I love watching Bean taking her first steps. When we get home from work, I change as quickly as I can into my PJ pants and we all head downstairs. Bug makes me "dinner" with his kitchen and all the "food" we got him for Christmas, and Bean and I practice walking. Sometimes her little feet go too fast for her body and she spins out of control and starts to fall, face first. But I'm there to catch her. And she always giggles when she falls forward. She can't wait to get back up.

(I know that feeling all too well. Sometimes my feet just can't keep up with everywhere I want to go, either.)

Watching her giggle when she falls reminds me that falling means you are making progress.

Falling means you're going somewhere.

This is one crazy, simply amazing, simply exhausting journey I'm on. I'm not sure if I'm doing this right. I don't know if any of us really ever do.

All I can do is hold on, hope my feet catch up to the rest of me, and keep going.

The Past Two Weeks

I had a really funny post all ready to type up on January 2nd, about how I jumped in frozen Lake Erie with a bunch of my equally crazy friends. I literally was going to sit down and create it. And then I checked the answering machine.

I heard two messages both with the same words: "tragedy," and "student."

We lost a student to suicide on January 2nd. It has been a very, very difficult two weeks. I've held it together at school for the most part, and then just melted down when I get home. This happened in my school six years ago, too. I'm finding it's a whole new dynamic this time around, now that I have a little boy of my own. I can't even imagine the grief that this family must be going through. It has kept me up at night. It has me breaking down crying while I'm trying to make dinner or give Emery a bath. Several times last week, it had me run upstairs to my room to slam the door shut so I could just sit in the dark and cry for a minute. Partially because I was angry, and partially because I was so, so saddened.

This week was better. The students seemed better, too. The rest of the school year will not be the same, but each day gets a little easier to walk by that locker or for the students to see the empty chair in their classroom.

Needless to say, I haven't had much time to write anything training-related as I just haven't been myself here the past two weeks. I've been running and biking like crazy, but also running myself into the ground a bit as the lack of sleep thing catches up with me by about Thursday. Hopefully that will subside any day now.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share something I posted on my blog for Bug. At the wake, I walked by all the pictures of Micah as a little boy, with his brothers and sisters and parents. And it reminded me that we all start out this way--with chubby cheeks and a big smile. Every student has that inside somewhere. My heart still hurts for his family as they deal with the loss of their little boy.

________________________________

I know that the days of you calling me "Mama" are numbered, Bug.

This week, we registered you for preschool.

Two weeks ago, we finally moved you into your "big boy bed."

Dare I say it...? Potty training seems to be almost done.

But you still call me "Mama." And I love it more than you know. I want to bottle it up and record it and play it over and over again when you are bigger than me...when you are in Middle School and want nothing to do with me...and when, inevitably, someday you are upset with me because I'm telling you that you can't do something you want to do.

(I mean, I do that now, too. But when you're screaming and throwing a fit, you still scream, "NO I DON'T WANNA DO THAT RIGHT NOW MAMA!" Still "Mama," see? Even in a meltdown, it melts me.)

Tonight I was the one to put you to bed, which I've kind of been loving lately. Even though it takes about 18 hours to get you to put on your PJ's, go upstairs, brush your teeth, and actually LAY DOWN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, eventually we get to the point where you say, "I just want you to lay with me a little bit Mama" and, of course, I do. Immediately.

Usually we read a book or two. You always pick this really annoying Power Rangers book full of made-up words. I tried to BS my way through it tonight and you caught me. I was skimming and just describing the characters on a page that they had their ridiculous introductions with made up words, and you said, "No, Mama, you didn't say that the red guy's name was NICK."

And wouldn't you know it? On that very page, Nick the Red Mystic Power Ranger introduced himself.

Busted.

Anyway, I read most of the book despite my futile attempts to outsmart you, and then it was time for me to go. But you begged me to stay a bit more. So I did.

After about a minute, you put your arm around me and said, "I love you, Mama."

And I can't help it--anytime I hear you say that, it makes me immediately tear up. But you went one step further.

"Thank you, Mama."

I told you thank you for being a sweet Bug. You sighed and closed your eyes and then said it again.

"I love you, Mama. Thank you, Mama."

Waterworks.

And then you said it one last time.

"I love you, Mama. Thank you, Mama."

Then you said the phrase we always say when we're trying to get YOU to go to sleep:

"You need your sleep so we can play tomorrow, Mama."

And with that, I kissed your cheek, told you I loved you to the moon and back, and tried not to bawl as I tiptoed to your door to slowly shut it while you snuggled with your monkey and blanket.

These moments are passing too fast. You bring me such joy and I can't even begin to put it into words.

Thank you, Bugaboo.

I love you,

Mama

Overwhelming/ed.

So, starting off the school year with six absolutely insane weekends of busy-ness has been rough.

Four of the past six weekends, I've been out of town at least one night.

Three of those, I've been out of the state.

All of this has left me quite overwhelmed, frazzled, and burned out, to say the least.

Now, it's all been good things, so I hate to complain. Poor me--I have lots of good things I have to do. Waaaa. It's just that I struggled the last time I went back to work, and I knew this might be rough. Just going back might be rough. And then add in there that I won't be home to be with my two little ones, nor have time to do any of the work that I need to do just to survive the workday...well, that's been very hard.

Really, really hard.

Major respect out there to single moms. I flat out do NOT know how you do it. And remain sane. If Matt wasn't here, I'm pretty sure I would have lost my marbles by now.

This morning, while trying to pick up the pieces from everything I dropped the past week (or, who am I kidding, really the past SIX) I stopped and just put my head on my desk for a minute. Because, wow. I had no idea how I'd get through the work day in one piece. And I sure didn't know how I'd have time to eat anything, or grade anything, or plan anything for the rest of the week.

And I knew when I went home, it wouldn't get done until after the kids went to bed. Because I missed them so much this weekend (and, really, the past SIX). And, I'm sorry essays and DBQs, but you just won't come before them. EVER.

And then I also accepted the fact that I would probably not be able to do anything after they went to bed, because I was still trying to get some sleep (since I'm a freak and NEVER sleep well in a hotel--I mean, EVER) since I hadn't slept more than 4 hours a night the past two weekends.

And I just wanted to keep my head there for a minute. Just a few minutes.

How am I going to do all this? Until June?

I've had some pretty rough patches here thinking about my weight, too. I realize that I'm being unrealistic and it hasn't even been eight months yet. But this time it's coming off much slower, and I have more to lose. And it's starting to really, REALLY get to me.

Yet I don't even have time to grade. Or eat lunch. Or go for a run.

Agh. Head on desk. Keep it there for just another minute.

Then, I figured I'd better get my head off my desk and go check my mailbox, since I didn't even get to do that before I left on Friday. So I headed down, reached in, and found some more stuff to grade and a pink Warm Fuzzy paper that the kids can write to each other. I wondered who it was supposed to go to, and, uh oh, was I supposed to pass this out last period? But then I saw it had my name on it.

So I opened it up. From one of my former students, who I had for two years. An extremely talented girl who happens to be an amazing speed skater and has her eyes on the Olympics someday. And this is exactly what it said:

To: MRS. ZIEMNIK (written in all different colors)

First of all, thank you so so much for putting up with me for two years. I can honestly say you're one of the greatest if not the best teacher I've ever had. Though AP nearly killed me last year :) I was always looking forward to your class. I remember almost daily I would walk into your class dreading what was coming after. (Because I had you 7th period both years, I had skating or long endurance runs after) But I was always drawn to your Ironman number and it hit me one day: you are a mom, pregnant (at the time!), a teacher, AND a triathalete. And perhaps I am wrong, but you always seemed so put together and prepared. It made me feel guilty, as I have so little on my plate compared to you, but it inspires me much more. You are 10x the athlete I am now, but I hope to one day have the same dedication and determination as you.

--L

ps--I basically managed to make this both sappy and weird haha sorry :)

And I stood there in the main office, with my pile of ungraded Chapter 4 questions from last week and the pink warm fuzzy in my hand, and a lump in my throat and tears welling up in my eyes.

And I remembered how lucky I am to do this every day, as much as it challenges me, and despite the fact that the past six weeks have been the hardest I've had in a while. Every once in a while, I get to hear something like that, and it feels like a burst of energy that will carry me through the next ten school years. And I think that triathlon is the same, too--challenging, humbling, and overwhelming at times, but so, so worth it if you stick it out to that finish line.

Sometimes you just have to put your head on your desk for a minute. But then you pick it back up and get the red pen out, and start slowly but surely working your way through the pile. And remember that the whole reason you're there is to make someone else a little better and a little stronger, and in the process, you look at yourself and realize you are, too.

On SM Chemistry

I was really lucky to grow up where I did. I know that most of my teachers were good educators. Some were more memorable than others, though...and it's funny that my most memorable teachers were in the subjects that I had the hardest time with: math and science. Not that I wasn't good at them...on paper, I was. But it just took me WAY longer to "get it." And I was lucky enough to have teachers in those subjects who were understanding...who would meet me every morning at 7:15am to go over Pre-Calculus...and who would walk me through stoichiometry even though they had already explained it to me thirty-three THOUSAND times.

I've written before about my SM Physics class. "SM" stood for "Science Major." Or, as we liked to call it, "SO MUCH." As in, SO MUCH FREAKING CHEMISTRY. I had no business taking any SM class in high school. There was no way in hell I was going to be a science major, and by age 15 I knew that already. I knew it would be harder and I knew that if I worked at it, I could do it, and I was raised to never settle for something easy when you know you can do the harder one. So SM Chemistry it was.

Mr. Ule was one of those teachers who you could just tell loved coming to work every day. Even at 15, you know the ones who are just there for the paycheck, who are just buying the time until retirement, or who are there because there wasn't really anything else they found and they thought, well, I might as well teach. But he wasn't one of those. This guy loved his job, and he loved his students. And it made a class that was very difficult for me really, really enjoyable. I had to work--hard, by the way. I had to really earn that grade big time. And it definitely messed up my GPA a bit as it wasn't a weighted class or anything, but I just felt like it would be a better thing for me to do. I could do it--I had the ability, so to settle for anything lower seemed like cheating.

Some of my best memories were in that class.

To me, the best educators aren't necessarily the ones who are all buddy-buddy with their students, or who are mind-numbingly easy, or, on the flip side, pride themselves in being so hard and difficult and untouchable. I always felt like my best teachers were the ones who walked that fine line between caring so much for me and for the class and for the subject, but absolutely refusing to back down when it was time to challenge me.

(Even if that meant frustrating me once in a while.)

Because that's how guys like Mr. Ule did it. He guided, he cared so much, but he rose that bar just high enough that I really, really had to jump up high to get it. Even if it meant coming in early. Staying late. Reviewing over and over again.

I've long since moved on. There was and never will be any "science major" for me. I entered the same career as him--one full of challenges every day. I try now to be the best teacher I can, and walk that line that I believe makes you a great one--one that stands above all the rest. I know I have a long way to go. I hope someday I'm half as good of a teacher as Mr. Ule was to me: a student who had no business being in his "Science Major" class, but ended up loving it and growing from it.

And I can't help that think that teachers like him are partially the reason why I love endurance sports so much. Let me be clear: I'm no natural athlete. I have to really work hard at this. And as much as it frustrates me from time to time, I know that's why I love it. I credit him for developing me into a person who loves a challenge...who thrives on challenge. A life without challenges to me is just not a life, period.

It's ironic that on a day we were getting such great news about our family's battle with cancer, Mr. Ule was losing his. His family was getting ready to say goodbye. And when I heard the news today, I cried--not just because of his passing, but because I never really got to tell him how much this non-science major got from his class...and from him.

Thanks, Mr. Ule.

Happy New Year

Thanks for the kind words on the last post. We are hanging in here and staying positive. I am kind of private when it comes to this stuff so please know I don't think I'll be sharing too much here, but I really appreciate all your thoughts, prayers, and just kind words. Thank you. Stage 3 uterine cancer has met its match, and that match is a WHOLE BUNCH OF ZIEMNIKS. We don't take things lying down.

We had a little vacay visiting Matt's sister and brother in law in Charlotte, NC. Bug did a FANTASTIC job on the plane--WAY better than his Mommy. I seriously HATE flying. Literally almost pass out every time we take off and land. I know, statistics show, blah blah blah, but it's just the lack of control that drives me NUTS. But, despite that, we had a fantastic time hanging out on Lake Norman and relaxing. It was a nice way to spend the last few days before school.

Call me crazy here--I fully admit that I am--but I am kind of happy to be back at school. Check me in a few weeks, right? But it's been fun to have a new crop of faces and some old ones, too. I have a record number of AP kids signed up for History at the moment--57 to last year's 37--so we'll see if they can stick it out. I usually lose a few in the first weeks when they see the work load, but so far these guys are troopers! :) It hasn't been TOO hot, either, which is nice. I've been taking Bug to the pool after school so we get to pretend it's still summer. Awesome.

Being pregnant when you're used to training for long-distance events makes you really appreciate free time. It's been kind of nice that I have been able to do things that I don't normally get to do during training. For instance, I've had lots more time to read. I just finished In Defense of Food (very interesting), am currently working on The Other Boleyn Girl (slightly trashy--we'll call it history-trash), and next up on the docket is Escaping North Korea. I'm pretty excited for that one. Best Friend is trying to convince me to read all the Twilight books, and swears she is going to just drop them off sometime, to which my response is I AM NOT TWELVE. AND VAMPIRES ARE STUPID. And that's my story and I'm sticking to it, so don't even try to convert me. :)

Also, Best Friend and I have decided to start "Restaurant Club." She's super crazy busy, and I usually am too but have an extra 10 hours or so in my week until March, so we decided that one night in the last week of each month we shall have a meeting of the esteemed Restaurant Club. In this way, we know we have a friend date at least once a month. The rules are as follows:

1. NO chain restaurants. There will be no Applebee's here.
2. It must be in a developing area, like downtown, Ohio City or Tremont, and preferably locally owned, so that we can help give back to the local economy and
3. At least one of us can't have eaten there before.

So far we've tried Luxe and Momocho's. Luxe was AMAZING. I loved it. Momocho's was very good, but we both decided our husbands would not like it. However, it'd be a great place to have some drinks and chips with all kinds of gourmet guac. She's picking the next one, so I'll let you know where we end up! Cleveland area peeps, feel free to give suggestions!

And on a training front, here's the funny thing: I am not working out NEARLY as much as I did with Bug, yet have gained less. And that's what we call IRONIC. All kidding aside, I'm still focusing on eating as healthy as I can and trying to move 3-4 days a week. Running is getting slower, but is still happening (yay!) and swimming will happen as long as the outdoor pool is open for sure. It will be harder to get to the indoor pool on a regular basis but I will shoot for 1-2 times a week. I've been doing some strength training still (squats, lunges, light arm weights) because I think being stronger will help with the back pain that I already know is on its way in about two months. Plus, it can't hurt to be stronger for labor, either.

Lastly, I have a new goal: I am going to do the Rocky River Spirit Run in mid-October. It's a 5K, and will be later in my pregnancy than the last 5K I did preggers, so we'll see if I can actually run most of it or if I'll need to run/walk. Either way, HEY I HAVE A RACE COMING UP! And that's pretty exciting.

Now it's time to go enjoy a tasty bagel that Matt brought for me, and perhaps watch some Elmo until the sun comes out here soon. :)

Happy training and racing to all, and especially good luck and tailwinds to my awesome teammate Rural Girl tomorrow as she takes on IM LOU! Can't wait to follow her all day--GO RURAL GIRL!!

Pencils Down

My life is measured in school years. And another one has just closed.

There's a certain familiarity to it; predictability and routine, but also never the same day twice. Never the same student twice. This, I think, is part of the reason I love what I do. Every year, I walk out of a clean classroom--all the posters taken down, the secret initials written in chalk on my board by kids who think I'll never find 'em, the scantrons in the recycle bin, and the students gone. Just me, and 31 empty desks.

Pencils down.

I always get a teensy bit sad--actually, I don't think sad's the way to describe it...wistful, maybe?--when I walk out of that room the last time every June-whateverth, because I know I'm another year older. Another year has gone by, and I'm that much different than I was when I walked in there.

But there's something magical about an empty classroom. It just begs to be filled. And I know when I lock the door for the last time that I'll unlock it and enter in August even more older, and hopefully wiser. Under different circumstances. Still teaching about the Enlightenment and the Gilded Age and the Cold War, but hopefully not the same lessons. And definitely not to the same audience.

I've now been teaching almost one third of my entire life, which is hard to believe. Next weekend I'm heading down to Miami for my ten-year reunion. Where my school year ended, and I packed everything up, and I said goodbye to my good friends that last day after the caps and gowns were put away and the cheap beer had been tapped out, and drove away. And then--only then--I cried. I knew it was the end of something, and I just didn't know what was next. I was afraid that the quote "best four years of your life" end quote were over. What could be better than that?

The good news is what was next has been even more amazing than my four years there. I didn't know it then, but I can appreciate that now, as I'm knocking on the door to 32 years old and walking out of my tenth school year as a teacher.

Yesterday I ran a new loop, which is different for me. As stated before, I enjoy routine. I like the same patterns. I like to know where I am, at what time, and how that compares to last run. So for me to branch out and try a new loop was definitely different. And, here's the kicker--I didn't even take the Garmin. Type-A TST put it away and just ran for fun. Such will be my runs for a while here, as I am in definite need of a break. I have some pretty lofty goals in mind, but I need a bit of time here to recharge the batteries.

I'm reading Dara Torres' biography right now, which seriously is making me want to swim every. single. second. I can, because it reminds me of when I used to watch swimming as a kid. I LIVED for the Summer Olympics. I remember watching in on our TV in our old house--the '88 Olympics, on my parent's small TV in their bedroom. I grew up worshiping the likes of Dara Torres and Summer Sanders. I loved to swim, and am well aware that I never met my full potential in that sport. Just when I needed to step it up a notch and swim year-round--right around, oh, age 12-13 or so--along came band and cheerleading and softball and boys and all the other reasons why I didn't want to stare at a black line for hours on end. I don't really regret it, since I think about all the things I got to experience instead. But I've accepted that I never got to see how far I'd go in that sport. Conversely, I'm on an absolute thrill-ride seeing how far I've come in a sport I NEVER thought I'd enjoy--running. So it all evens out, I think, in the end.

I'm only halfway through, but I love DT even more now that I'm reading this book. I think I can really identify with her in a lot of ways. Not in the 24 second 50 meter way. (In my dreams....) But check this out....sound familiar?

"One thing I learned from being a pregnant athlete and then an athlete-mom is that when it comes to women, sports, and child-bearing, often people's first reaction is to say, "No you can't." You can't do those exercises. You can't go that fast. You can't win that race. But most of the time that negativity is not based on fact. It's based on ignorance or fear. So I chose to do my own research. I wanted to learn what my own body could take." --page 71

Well played, DT. Well played indeed.

Here's another one I like:

"...other people were constantly insinuating that age did matter, that even at 33 I was too old to compete. "Don't you feel terrible in the water?" people would ask. "You know, being so old and out of the water for so many years?" Questions like that really bothered me until I realized they had very little to do with me. Our whole culture is so terrified of growing older, so sure that life goes to hell progressively once you pass 25 or 30 or 35--whatever number people have stuck on their heads. But I came to see such negativity as a reflection of other people's fears about life, a window into the ways in which so many of us are limiting ourselves and selling ousrselves short. I decided, back then, not to live that way." --page 109

I know now that the best is yet to come. I've been so lucky and blessed so far, in racing but really just in life in general, and it's easy to get stuck in the routine and enter another age group and feel like, "That's it...the good times/races/days are over." But that, my friends, is total bull. One day, I'm going to qualify for the Boston Marathon. One day, I might even become the swimmer I could have been 20 years ago. Or one day, maybe I'll even hit a home run over the fence. (My one and only lonely home run on record was inside the park.) Who knows? I don't know what I'm doing next week...or certainly next school year.

But I know one thing for sure: I am not going to slow down.

Not much is better

...than your first run in brand new shoes, sunset along the lakeshore, 66 degrees.

Not much that I can think of, at least.

My kids are taking their APUSH tests today, and I'm really proud of them. They are ready. That means life will also get a bit easier for me the next few weeks, and I can exhale.

Except for my race. That's next week.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt, and my body will want to stop, and that's okay. I'm going to have to ignore that.

I stole a great quote from Coach Emily here (Thanks, Coach E! :) and put it up for my quote of the week on my board...because my kids were saying how TIRED they were and how they didn't think they could make it to Friday. It also will be good for me to think about next weekend:

"Now, if you're going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up...you've got to make the mind take over and keep going." --General George S. Patton

A little bit of hurt is good. It reminds you you're alive.

A few more miles in the bank and then it's go time!

Earning a 5

Just got back from another Tuesday Night APUSH (aka Advanced Placement United States History) review session at the local coffee shop. It's hard to get moving to go to these, since it means I have to leave Bug and Matt. But once I'm there, it's actually kinda fun. Working with kids who really care and WANT to do well is nice, you know?

The thing is, they are all flipping out on me right now. Either that, or completely shutting down. It's interesting how they deal with stress. Total. Opposite. Extremes. The national test is next Friday, so now my job literally becomes Zen Master who Knows Many Facts and DBQ Strategies But Says Them In a Calming and Non-Threatening Manner. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

It's also time to start practicing what I preach. I was just telling them tonight how if they've done everything they are supposed to so all along, they will be fine. But, it's also normal to feel like you could have done more. The key is to recognize that at this stage in the game, what's done is done. If you know you slacked off on a few units, you have to accept that and move on. Cramming and staying up all night these next 10 days will not do anything but make you tired, cranky, and hate everything and everyone. Either you did it, or you didn't. And you'll know on Friday which category you fall in, although you probably know right now.

This morning I ran 7.5 miles in 1:05. It was a MUCH better run that Sunday. I warmed up easy, and then did two 15-minute pushes. I was supposed to do these 5-10 seconds below race pace. I was freaked about that, and kind of thought about it all night. Then in the morning, I rolled begrudgingly out of bed, and I did the first push at 7:53 and the second around 7:40. It was hard, but doable.

These guys are laying all on the line next Friday. They are worried, they are frustrated, they wonder why they did this to themselves. They don't feel ready but if they really think about it, they know they are. It's an $86 gamble: will they score high enough to get the college credit? Or will they simply have to accept that this time wasn't the time?

Eerily similar, no?

(Except my race fee was a bit less than $86.)

I don't know if I have any business laying it all on the line for what (for me) is such an aggressive goal. But whatever. I'm going to do it, and I'll find out when I get to the finish. I could have done more, for sure. But I'm going to have to just trust that I've got it in me somehow...that I've done the reading and know the facts and somehow, just somehow... I'll get this five.

So, Thursday I rode in the South of France

Seriously!

Well, kinda.

I did my Thursday night spin class again--these have been ROCKIN' as far as preparing me for New Orleans (which is 3 weeks from tomorrow, kids...yikes). I tell ya what, I never work that hard on my own. No way, Jose. Me in my basement for two hours means spinning and kinda zoning out and that's about it. No matter how hard I try, I just don't duplicate the ridiculous effort that I get on Thursday nights. My watts hit 500 this week! Something about having some friends to suffer with you in a room with great tunes seems to really help me focus.

So we've been having themes lately to mix it up. A few weeks ago was 80s hair night. A few buddies even came with wigs and sequined headbands! Then we did ladies night, and last night was the 6th stage of Paris-Nice complete with a map of the elevation and the "estimated times" we'd reach each climb. Andy, our fearless leader, did a great job of making us feel like we were in the peloton and racing the 182K stage. There were Cat 3 climbs thrown in, too. For this triathlete who has never ever ever done a cycling race before, it was pretty fun! Thanks to the Spin-Second Sole Multisport Team for putting on these great workouts! And, the free beer and good conversation afterwards was the icing on the cake. :)

This weekend, I've got a solid bunch of training sessions to get in. Today, when Bug naps, I'll do a 2 hour ride with a 20 minute runoff. Tomorrow, I'm going to run for 1:30 and then swim 3000 yards when he naps. Three weeks from tomorrow, I'm jumping in Lake Ponchartrain (or however you spell it...my apologies to the lake) for what will be my first open water swim of the season--in a race. Interesting. It is pretty cold today, so it looks like today's spin will be inside unless it warms up by 1 or so. Right now it's sunny and gorgeous but 20 degrees. I totally underestimated how cold it was when I went up to the kids' resale at an area school and braved the crowds to get Bug a sweet tunnel to crawl through for five bucks and an awesome Indians outfit for Opening Day for three bucks!

(Ahhhh, good deals. Me love you long time.)

Anyway, I've almost made it. Things are clicking. I'm really tired, but feeling like I'm getting pretty strong. Been putting in a lot of extra time at school and it paid off for my AP students. They just rocked their last test, and I think they're starting to see that taking this harder class, pushing themselves more than anyone else who's taking the easier US History, and generally suffering more has made them stronger and ready to take on the big test in 32 school days.

So, I'm just going to get through this one workout at a time, one session at a time...and pretty soon it will be time to pack up my bike and get this party started.

Gotta go crawl through a tunnel in my basement now! ;)

April, 1994

In April 1994, I was a 16 year old high school student primarily concerned with my softball games, if I'd be going to prom, and can I get up early enough to straighten my hair.

I was a half a world away from the genocide unfolding in the country of Rwanda.

I was actually, for a 16 year old, kind of up on current events. I mean, I payed attention more than your average bear. And I vaguely remember hearing something about Rwanda...something about "tribal warfare" and a lot of killings.

Now I'm 31, and I've studied the event extensively. I know now that the word "genocide" was carefully left out of the American press. That the United Nations failed miserably in their attempts to keep the peace. And that in a country of less than 8 million people, almost a million died. That would be like if the United States today, with a population of 300 million, lost 45 million people.

In three months.

I've become increasingly frustrated with the big talk but lack of action from world leaders on the genocide in Darfur. I'm doing what I can to get my students aware of the situation and trying to help, despite the lack of attention to it by the American press. So when I heard that Paul Rusesabagina was coming to speak near us, I had to take some students. And I had to be there, too.

Because part of me is still ashamed. Mad that I was alive during that awful 100 days. And that I didn't do anything; that I didn't even know. So to meet such a hero...to thank him, to shake his hand and tell him how much he inspires me...it meant more to me than I can put into words.

And from listening to them on the bus ride home, I think it meant a lot to them, too. And hopefully, will inspire them to act.

One Week In

I just lost my class for a meeting, so I'm sitting and just taking a breather.

Whew.

Figured I might as well throw a post up to state that I made it...one week down, one good solid week of workouts in for the next race, and so far, so good!

I'm not used to standing, talking a lot, or wearing anything other than flip flops, so me poor widdwle toes are quite blistered. And I have not much of a voice left. But it's been pretty fun, nonetheless.

And it's not 90 degrees, nor am I nine months pregnant and scared out of my wits, so that's always good.

Most of my workouts were done early, or while pushing Bug in his stroller. Let me tell you how NOT fun it is to push a 24 pound Bug in a stroller while trying to do 5K pace pickups. He sure liked it, though! I've got about 9 hours planned for this week, and, barring any major disasters, I should hit that. That, in and of itself, is quite a victory for me.

Tomorrow morning I'm super excited to be able to hit the trails and run with another person that can talk to me! Yahoooooooooo! It's not just me and my Garmin! :) I'll be doing 12 miles with Aimee, my buddy and my Iron-Bro Eric's wife, who is training for the Nike Women's Marathon the same day of C-bus. We're about the same pace and have the same goals, and want to start REALLY early, so it works out perfectly! Then later that day I'll take Bug out for a few more miles to get about 14-15 in. Sunday I've got a ride and some weights, and Monday my last swim outside for a while. I really wish the pools were open in September around here, because it's still CRAZY hot here in September! Oh well.

I've been focusing on good nutrition, and it seems to have paid off! I'm pretty pumped about that. Now, I still eat my ice cream, don't you worry....but I just try to do as much whole grains, fruits and veggies, low-fat dairy and lean meat as I can, and--drum roll please--I've lost 4 more pounds, which puts me below my pre-pregnancy weight! Yahoooooooooooooyippeeeee! So now I'm all about maintaining and toning up what I've got, which is (to me) a good place to be.

Tonight, though, it's all about celebrating...a new year, a good start, and cashing in on a gift card from my brother for my FAVORITE restaurant, which happens to be a Mexican place. I sure hope I don't pay for that tomorrow morning... ;)

Oh, and the little Bug started walking on August 17th. I forgot to mention that. And it's been sooooooooo fun. I like to think he did it so that I could be there for it. Thanks, Bug!

Six Word Memoir

Whew.

It's Wednesday, and I'm as tired as I am on Fridays.

Yikes.

DBQs will do that to you...but they are done (yay!) and my students have really improved so much. I am excited and nervous for them as they enter the home stretch before the AP test. All I can do is prepare them the best I can, I guess. The rest is up to them.

Went for a 4 mile run Monday and a 5 mile run yesterday with JayZ. He goes out cold every time. Yesterday I did an out and back and felt like I was flying along for the first 2.5. And then, at the turnaround, the wind hit. Man, when that wind picks up...whew. Let's just call it one long hill repeat, 'cause that's pretty much how it felt. The kickin' stroller is not very aerodynamic, and especially when you add a 20.25 pound six month old boy.

So I missed my tempo run, but oh well. I haven't really missed anything yet, which I am quite proud of, so this one time I'll chill about it. Flexible, flexible....right?

And this weekend I'll have a little 5K action that I'm going to try and treat like a tempo run, so I'll get some speedwork in there. I'm not holding my breath to race this one well, but hey, I'm just so excited to put a number on again! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

So my boy Bubba will be doing his first 100 MILE RACE this weekend. Bubba, you CRAZY! But that's why we love him! Best of luck to you! He also had a six-word memoir on his blog, which I heard about on NPR and thought they were really cool. In six words, try to sum up your life. It's hard, huh? I think I've settled on mine:

"What do you mean, slow down?"--TriSaraTops

What's your six words?

How to Drive Yourself Crazy

1. Assign a DBQ Essay for the test on the last day of the quarter.

2. Try to grade it in a weekend....

3. While still eating, sleeping, and attempting to have some kind of life.

Not my smartest moment!

Thank goodness for a KICKIN' 10 mile run yesterday to help me keep my sanity--6 hill repeats and still a negative split! Yahoooooooooooooo

Now if I can just find the time this week to enjoy the weather and finally go for a ride outside!

But for now...back to my DBQ dungeon.

SNOW DAY SNOW DAY SNOW DAY!

Yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo no school tomorrow due to wind chill!!!!!

I realize that our wind chill is NUTHIN' next to what my bloggy friends to the north are dealing with (JenniferP, all the Twin Cities peeps) but it was enough for Northeastern Ohio.

And now I might actually get caught up on some things--like sleep! Boooooooooo yah!

I swear we're worse than the kids...

SNOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DAY! :)

Stay warm everyone!

And it's done.

We're all fine.

JayZ laughed and giggled all day long, and snoozed, and pooped. The usual. He even "left me a message" on my home machine to say he was happy and giggled. It was soooo cute and made me smile.

I got up, ran 5 miles, got ready, and then we had to WAKE JAYZ UP (seriously. the kid rocks.) to take him to the sitter's. Yes, he slept ALL NIGHT.

I cried a little when I said bye, and when I first walked in my classroom. Just a teensy bit.

And then, it felt kinda good to be back. Just a teensy bit.

I got very busy, which made time fly. And then it was time to go.

A good friend said it best to me when he tried to describe what I (and what we) are feeling right now. He said it's a revolution of your heart and mind. I think that's the closest thing I can liken it to. My heart and mind have been completely, 100% rewired over the past four months. I never knew it was possible to love something so much.

So tomorrow, we do it all again. Except it's a tempo run in the morning.

And another big smile and giggle around 3:30.