Some people really love being pregnant, and I am just NOT one of those people.
I have a problem slowing down. Always have.
So now as I have 9 days of school left, I think it's hitting me. It's hitting me in much the same way that the last day of school hit me last year. "The next time I walk into this room, I'll almost be an Ironman...."
The next time I walk into this room, I will almost be a mother.
The kind of terrified you feel when you can't even walk near the baby section at Target, or the store "Babies R Us" makes you queasy. When people ask you if you've registered of thought of names, you just mumble, "Uh, no...I'm going to worry about that later," and look away.
Now that I'm far enough along, I'm starting to show. I kind of look like a skinny chick with a distended belly. I'm starting to get some stares when I go for my increasingly shorter and slower run in the neighborhood. I can't hide what's happening much longer from anyone. Including myself.
Today I had lunch with two friends from work who had babies recently--one, her first 2 weeks ago today, and the other, her second, 4 weeks ago tomorrow. She has a 2 1/2 year old. They're adorable...and so little. Sometimes I'm afraid I'll break them. And I just listened to what they've been going through and what their days and nights are like, and it absolutely petrifies me.
Supposedly you're never really ready for this. I'll be 30 years old. It's not like I'm 17. So why do I get tears in my eyes when I think about it?
You can never really, 100% prepare for Ironman. A friend who has done several told me that, and now that I've finished one, I think it's quite true. You do what you can...whatever is humanly possible to prepare your body and your mind for whatever is thrown at you that day. And you might even do everything right--you might train your heart out and do every workout you can and prepare the best you can and it still might not work.
You just have to go with what the day gives you.
But this isn't a day.
This is forever.
I wasn't nervous at all to get married. Forever was exciting in that case. I couldn't wait for forever to start.
Why am I so scared for this forever to begin?
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. And I am halfway there.