Thursday, April 13, 2006

I don't know why I just did that

The front page of the paper today released the Flight 93 transcripts. My students, as they were working in the library, had a copy and were reading it. They asked me if I read it, and I said "no." For me, I told them, it's still too soon. They were 9 when it happened. They really don't remember much or even really understand that day. I know it's going on five years now. But for me it's still too soon.

I'm not a cryer. I don't cry easily. But I'm wondering when the time will come that I don't cry on that day. So far I wake up that day and tell myself I won't, and I always do.

So what do I do today after my ride, as I'm getting ready to blog? I go online to the paper's website. And I read it.

And, just as I thought, it's still too soon.

I knew someone on Flight 11. Not even well--many of my friends knew her much better than I. I'm not sure she would even know me if she were still here today. But, she was an acquaintance--I knew her from a class and intramural sports--she was in my graduating class in college. I knew who she was. And for some reason, any time the subject comes up, all I can think about is her face as she must have realized what was happening. I feel like for me it makes it so personal--almost like a part of me was there, too.

And for that reason, when my students ask me if we can "see that movie about 9/11" or "did you hear the plane that flew into the Pentagon was really a fake" or whatever the latest conspiracy theory is out there, I get MAD. And I don't get mad often. But I get really short with them and say, "STOP IT--I don't want to hear about it." I know that as 9 and 10 year olds they really don't understand the terror of that day. To them it's almost like a movie. Some of them say they were even "mad" their teacher turned it off that morning.


I know they don't understand---they didn't understand, and they STILL don't understand. And hopefully they never will have to understand another event like that.

I just wish I knew how many more years it will take until I don't cry.

I was all ready to tell you about my ride--that I did the exact same route today and averaged 18.4mph--and yay, isn't that great.....and then I did what I knew I shouldn't and I read that transcript.

So, no bike story for excitement about my time off work...just a reminder that life is short and fragile. Live it to the fullest, as I truly think we as triathletes strive to do every day. And always, ALWAYS tell your friends and family how much you love them.

That's all I got.


BuckeyeRunner said...

I still remember that day, too. I remember what a beautiful day it was, all sunny and blue sky. I remember where I was when I first heard, I remember who was in the room with me. I remember what I did that day, and that my husband was out of town, and that I slept on the couch that night. I remember.
The only thing that I am thankful for about that day is that no one I loved was a casualty of that day.

qcmier said...

Thanks for sharing. I was in Mississippi that day. I remember quite a bit of that day. Sadly I think the general public has forgotten.

When you wake up on 09/11/2006, I hope you will be crying tears of joy after becoming an IronWoman.

TryAthlete said...

I remember waking up (time difference) to the news and feeling stunned by all that horror even though I didn't know anyone involved.

However tenuous the links, tragedy is more difficult when you knew someone that was involved.

Crying isn't always a bad thing. Apathy is.

Scott said...

Even as a Canadian, I struggled with the transcripts. It is all just too..... well, everything for me to comprehend.

Totally agree with you about Iron Benny's post. Before too long, we will be reading about your victory!

greyhound said...

I tried three times to write a comment about my real feelings, but each effort made me look like weepy bleeding heart, or a bigot, or a warmonger, or a pacifist. I don't want to be any of those things, and yet 9/11 brings all of that out.

Cliff said...

I remember that was all over the news....what was scary.for me..was that..i met up with my friend..and i told them about it. They heard it and just shrug it was frosh week..and they are living in their own little world....

Kurt said...

I think for a very long time 9/11 is going to be with us. The balance between security and civil freedoms are always going to be in question and I think we can all identify with the victims, the helplessness they were in and knowing they had limited time to make final calls. I remember the horror of the folks jumping out of the towers. I remember running 15 miles that day trying to understand what happened and realizing there is no understanding. When I was in the Marine Corps I was involved with conflict but at least I figured I had the edge.

TriSara, I hope you find joy and peace this easter weekend and find a way to celebrate life and enjoy your runs/swims/bike rides. There is also joy and happiness along with love in the world.

Eric said...

As always thanks for sharing. This was the first major event for some of us that will stick with us forever. Your students will unfortunately have their time also. Stay strong and help them understand the impact of that day.

My sis-in-law was flying into NY city that day and had to have someone drive out to get her and co-workers back to Ohio.

trifrog said...

Yes, life is too short not to live it every day. We have no control over when our own time on earth will be over. I just blogged on this idea myself because I was reflecting on whether life should be drudgery waiting for some future joy. Instead I conclude that today is the day I should live like it might be my last.

Chris said...

Thanks for sharing, Sara. Losing someone that you know is always hard. And especially someone so young. It really puts into perspective how fragile life actually is.