So, I have a confession to make.
2010 has not been kind to me so far. And it has very little to do with me chopping off my own pinky finger. Although I must admit that added to the situation.
I just heard even more bad news this evening, which makes last night's bad news even more emotional. And the news from the week before is still fresh in my mind. It's one of those weeks where I am literally afraid to even answer the phone, or now check my email. And I definitely can't look at the news right now.
I'm not much into talking about stuff here like this. I have been doing a very good job putting on the happy face at work over the past 2 weeks, so the kids don't know what's going on. But it's harder to put the happy face on here, since...well...you don't see my face. It's just my words and thoughts here. And I have a rough time not showing you those.
Last week, we found out about our good friend's brother who was killed in a car accident. Hit by a driver who was texting while driving. He lost control on an icy patch and slammed into the median. 25 years old. He was just starting to turn his life around, and his girlfriend is due with their child next week.
Last night, I found out we have another battle with cancer to wage in our family...one that we all thought was over. That we had won. Now the hard battle will be picked up again, but it's going to be very, very hard.
And just now I found out that a running and triathlon friend's wife passed away yesterday from a heart attack.
This, all on top of Matt's mom bravely fighting her cancer and in her third round of chemo.
Right now, I'm having a hard time accepting why bad things happen to good people. I don't understand it, but I do understand that I'm not supposed to. I need to make peace with that. Just when I feel like no one's there and I just want to go from my bedroom, to my classroom, and back home again, not talking to anyone that I am not required to talk to, several of my friends (who don't even know what's going on) have been calling and emailing me "just to check on me." I'm taking that as a reminder that someone does care up there. And I need to trust that everything will work out somehow.
The trouble is, since I'm 9 months pregnant I'm not sleeping well. I'm up often. And last night when I got up, I just thought about the horrible news we got yesterday, and I just kept crying. So, I'm really, really tired. All the time.
(Now would be a good time to remind me NOT to use my mandolin slicer, lest in my tired state I sever another digit. ;)
I'm not sure how much I'll want to talk here the next few weeks. Maybe I'll decide that writing here is a good thing. But I might disappear for a bit. I just don't know. I thought I'd explain what was going on, just in case I temporarily vanish.
The good news is that everything is fine with the baby, so I didn't want anyone to worry about that. But it's pretty much everything else around me that seems to be crashing in.
It's right about now that I wish I could go for a good, hard tempo run. With some Pantera. Or a 3 hour ride by myself. But I can't do any of those things.
So I'm focusing on yoga a lot, and hopefully will be swimming with my preggy pal JenC tomorrow morning. That should help. I can't go hard, but at least she can make me smile.
Somehow, someway, everything will work out.