Sunday, December 14, 2008

Buckeyes and Stuff

Okay, for those of you not from Ohio or the Midwest who are unfortunate enough to NOT KNOW WHAT BUCKEYES ARE (blasphemy!), I will provide a step-by-step instruction manual for you. This is how Ohio folks do Buckeyes.

Notice, I did not say Ohio STATE folks. That would greatly upset someone in this household.
(Oh, and it would really tick Matt off, too.)

First, you gather all the stuff you need. I took the liberty of buying this in bulk at BJ's, so that I could also make a batch for the bowl game if we run out before. This is not for the weak at heart, ladies and gentlemen. Do not--I repeat, do NOT--even try to imagine the amount of saturated fat in this conglomeration of ingredients. You'll just want to barf. And that's not the point. Unless you're trying to make more room for more Buckeyes.

Then, you take FOUR STICKS OF BUTTER (don't think about it....lalalallalala what saturated fats?) and 32 OUNCES OF PEANUT BUTTER, and mix until they are a messy goo of tasty lard.

The next step is one I just kinda improvise. You put in enough confectioner's sugar to sweeten it up and make it like a play-doh consistency. I just keep pouring and mixing. But I must recommend the best way to mix is to take the rings off, wash the hands, roll the sleeves up, and GET ALL UP IN THERE.

At this point, I have to try really, REALLY hard not to take the bowl and a spoon, run into the nearest closet, and have my way with the peanut butter ball-mixture. Must. Show. RESTRAINT.

And now, time to roll the dough into little balls of goodness. This is a little time consuming, but worth it. I usually make them too big and I remember my Mom getting on me for this when I was a kid. It's better to make them smaller, but really, who wants a small Buckeye, right?

(insert gratuitous ball jokes here--don't worry, I often quote the SNL skit with Pete Schwety on NPR when I'm creating Buckeyes. I've heard and/or said them all. BTW--not sure what's up with the random squirrel at the end of the clip, but it's OUTSTANDING)

Chill for at least 10 minutes. Then, the final stage: dipping. Melt some chocolate chips CAREFULLY in the microwave (20 seconds at a time, and MIX WELL!) with a little bit of Crisco to make them shiny (you know, in case they weren't UNHEALTHY ENOUGH). Take a toothpick, dip them in to resemble a Buckeye, and voila!

Now since I have over 100 Buckeyes in my home, I need to either A) get rid of them FAST B) smear them on my hips since that's where they'll go anyway if I don't get rid of them pronto or C) have some good workouts this weekend. I'm happy to report that C was the option I chose.

Yesterday included a 90 minute trainer session with 4X8 minute pushes at Zone 3 (for me, 160-170 watts) and I felt great. Then today, I got out in the nasty drizzle shizzle and had a kickin' run! 8.25 miles in 1:14, which adds up to sub-9 minute miles! Yahooooooooooooo

Amazing what little balls of peanut butter chocolate-y heart attacks will do for your motivation, huh?



Amy said...

hocky smokes bullwinkle! I make something REALLY similar up here in the great white north. My friend calls them Power Orbs. Pretty much the same: equal parts peanut butter and icing sugar but no butter and then add rice krispies once you get to the crumble dough stage and then you dip them in chocolate! Yummy!

Jumper 2.0 said...

You, you married a Michigan fan!

(sits in stunned silence)

(sits in stunned silence)

(sits in stunned silence)

Michele said...

gotta wipe the drool off my computer now.

Karen said...

I make something very similar. Whenever someone asks for the recipe I ahve to give the disclaimer because you just can't think about it the fat - and then the crisco in the chocolate. Horrifying but yummy all at the same time!

Love2Run said...

Mmmm! Very similiar to my Chocolate Balls (but has some dates added for extra dense calorie/protein).

triguyjt said...

alec baldwini might win a thousand emmy's but he'll always be mr. schwety balls to me....hilarious...

good luck keeping away from the buckeyes

Alili said...

I spent my Saturday rolling and dipping...and eating. Time to put some in the mail, take some to work--get them out of my house! Too bad I have another batch to roll and dip tonight!

Pharmie said...

I laughed out loud when I read the statement about smearing them on your hips. I know that feeling all too well!

Steve Stenzel said...

I'm sorry. I'm one of those that did not know.

But now that I know, they look frickin' delicious!!!


I head to Ohio on Saturday and can't wait for my annual dosage of BUCKEYES!!! (and White Castle)

Rae said...

I can't imagine anyone not knowing what Buckeyes are!! I do roll mine totally in chocolate, instead of making them truly look like the night!! Might as well have as much sugar as possible!