Saturday, March 27, 2010

We talkin' 'bout PRACTICE.

Not a game.


Yes, over here at the TST household, we've been practicing binkies and bottles. And it's driving the OCD, Mama-Bear instinct in me crazy at 2am when Matt tries to give her a bottle and she cries for more than 30 seconds. But I can fix that! Lemme at 'er!

NO. She needs to practice.

The binkies seem to help as she's making the transition. She's not fighting it as much anymore.

The trouble is, with all the stuff I dislike about nursing, there is one thing that's awesome (besides all the medical benefits of it and yada yada yada)...

...she needs me. Only me.

And she's all me. Every bit of her exists because of me.

Now, I know it's silly to think like this. Using a bottle from time to time doesn't mean she'll need me any less, you know? And she needs her daddy, too. I don't need a bottle now but I still need my Mom. I can't imagine her not being there to help me. So here I am, 32 years old, and I need her.

No bottle required.

But it's crazy once you become a mother. There's this nutty instinctual thing that just goes on and you know parts of it are irrational, yet you feel it nonetheless. And one of those things is that when I stop nursing, she won't need me anymore.

Silly, I know.

What she needs me to do is to be there for her and calm her down and hug her and support her. And that can be done long after the bottles are done.

What she needs me to do is set a good example of how to be a strong and intelligent woman.

So I'm trying to remember that. And we're practicing over here. She's practicing a bottle....and I'm practicing letting go enough to let her grow. And remembering that she can't do that without me, no matter what.


JP Severin said...

HAHAHAHAHA... love the AI reference.

Michelle Simmons said...

I remember that instinctual stuff- knowing that I could make her stop crying and it drove me nuts when my husband could not...

Jennifer P said...

I came home the other afternoon from grocery shopping and Gillian is sucking away at a bottle and I lost it thinking that she wouldn't need me anymore either (nevermind realizing that it was a good thing for our whole family). I spent the night sulking and crying. I hear you on this one!

Ange said...

I had these Same feelings. and you are So right..she will need you forever! But it IS very hard. Nursing is a bond between Mom and baby...I remember when my 3rd started refusing me. It broke my heart. He is 6 and snuggles like you would not believe. You're a great Mom!!!