Uhhhh...Huh huh. I just said, "hard."
(Sorry--that's my inner 15 year old Beavis and Butthead talking)
I know that I'm preaching to the choir hear, but this is hard.
I really try to stay upbeat as much as possible, but I'm having one of those days--or few days, I guess. Where I am very overwhelmed. Where my head is spinning because I'm trying to figure out how to fit it all in.
Last night when I was plugging all my workouts into my palm pilot, I stared at the screen and felt my heart racing. Gotta go to a faculty meeting Thursday--push that afternoon workout later than I want. Gotta be ready to paint the town with my buddy's bachelorette party late on Saturday--move my long run to Friday after work. Geez, Sara, you know how tired you are on Fridays. Do you really think you're going to have a good run? And your friends called to say they haven't seen you in a while and can you do Friday evening--and you already told them yes. Will they understand if you're late and even MORE tired? You told your friend you could meet her for dinner tonight because it's your rest day, but since it's your rest day you also try to do the laundry, mop the floors, vacuum, go to the bank/post office/grocery store, and send the check for the sweet Historical Vietnam GIJoe you just won on eBay....gotta call the Model UN guy....gotta call the WWII Vet to come speak to my classes.....Matt is very stressed with the work situation so he's helping with as much as he can but boy is the laundry still piling up...
Oops. Forgot to eat lunch. Quickly run to the store and grab some soup.
Now, what was I doing?
I'm realizing my "rest" days are becoming a little too hectic. I need to let go.
I need to let the house be a little messy if that's what it takes. Who really cares, besides me, if the coffee table has some dust?
I need to trust my friends understand that I really want to see them but I've gotta plan this well in advance, and it's not because I don't love 'em. And even then sometimes I might be late--or dog tired.
I need to let this negative energy go.
I know that Spring Break will be here soon and I am looking forward to my week in Arizona and my backpacking adventure. That will help. March is always a tough time of year for me...the weather is not so good and the kids are not so motivated at school. Sometimes, my end seems so far away from the means...September 10th is really not that far, but sometimes when I look at my schedule I get so overwhelmed. It reminds me of when I was in graduate school and teaching full-time. Every once in a while I'd have a momentary freak out and just want it to be DONE. How, I thought, can I possibly do all this?
The answer is, I can't. I need to rely on others and accept that I'm not superhuman. Sometimes, some things gotta give.
I need to remember the BIG picture here. Every little thing I do gets my body ready for IM MOO. (there's a little mantra!) But I can't do everything I want/need to do without there being about 37 hours in the day.
I can prioritize. I can do this. One thing at a time.
And now it's 3:45 and I made it through the school day--whew--and I just so happened to look on the bulletin board by my desk where I put good quotes, pictures of classes from years past, and other random stuff. This quote by TR caught my attention:
"THE CREDIT BELONGS TO THOSE WHO ARE ACTUALLY IN THE ARENA, WHO STRIVE VALIANTLY; WHO KNOW THE GREAT ENTHUSIASMS, THE GREAT DEVOTIONS, AND SPEND THEMSELVES IN A WORTHY CAUSE; WHO AT THE BEST, KNOW THE TRIUMPH OF HIGH ACHIEVEMENT; AND WHO, AT THE WORST, IF THEY FAIL, FAIL WHILE THEY ARE DARING GREATLY, SO THAT THEIR PLACE SHALL NEVER BE WITH THOSE COLD AND TIMID SOULS WHO KNOW NEITHER VICTORY NOR DEFEAT." --Theodore Roosevelt
Welcome to the arena.