Thanks for the kick in the pants!

Thanks for the much-needed kick in the booty. I feel better knowing that a) my feelings are normal and b) I'll get there eventually. I know I can't rush this, and if I try I will only screw things up. My body is way smarter than my head, after all.

Speaking of which, JayZ is sleeping on my shoulder and making the CUTEST. NOISES. EVER. He'll be a pumpkin tonight and help us pass out candy. :)

Just got back from the Docs. Without giving TMI, and/or grossing out the world at large, let's just say that she was VERY excited to see that things are healing VERY well. Also, inconvenient/embarrassing/nasty things that often happen when you have certain procedures that I had are NOT happening, which is outstanding. Then I had a conversation to ask her about using the elliptical that went something like this:

TST: So I have a question for you...

DOC: Yes?

TST: See, I've been walking 2-3 miles a day the past 2 weeks....

DOC: (Making a face like I just told her I smoke crack for breakfast) WHAT? No, no no.....

TST: Huh?

DOC: 2-3 miles is WAY too much. I don't want you to have that much friction there...(yes, she said friction in regards to my bum)

TST: But...you said I could walk...?

DOC: Like, a mile or so at a leisurely pace! Not 2-3 miles and not fast!

TST: Oh. (Thinks in head that now is probably not a good time to ask about using the elliptical)

DOC: In two weeks you should be able to get back to exercising.

TST: Oh. (Thinks again that she might smack me if I ask about using the elliptical) Okay.

And so it goes. But when you tell me I can start walking, then I START, you know? Homey don't do leisurely one mile slow walks.

But I guess I will for 2 more weeks.

Oops.

The weather here is absolutely GORGEOUS--I heart NEOhio in the fall. The leaves are bright colors and it's a nice 68 degrees...no humidity, no mosquitoes...perfect for Halloween.

So I guess me and the little Pumpkin will be going for a slow walk and then passing out candy, which I am going to REALLY try hard not to eat.

Except for one fun-sized Butterfinger. 2 glorious points. MMMMMMMMM.

:)

Pardon Me While I Beat Myself Up

Today was a BEEEYOOOOTIFUL crisp, fall day in C-town, and all I could think about was how good it would be to go for a run.

Sigh.

I had to settle for a walk. Which was nice, but just not the same as a good fall run.

And I'm being irrational about my weight and need to cut it out, pronto.

I dropped 30 pounds virtually instantly, but since then the scale has not budged much. And I want it to. NOW. NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW.

I realize that tomorrow is 28 days since JayZ got here, and I am being stupid. I am doing everything I can...dutifully entering my Weight Watchers points, walking 3 miles a day, blah blah blah. I can't possibly expect my body to be back to normal now.

But I want to.

Blah.

I think once I can actually start running/swimming/more-than-walking, I'll feel better. I'm going to ask the Doc Wednesday if I can try the elliptical. I mean, if I'm walking...that shouldn't be a problem...right?

Blah.

But I look at my little man's face and think how much it was worth it.

And then I eat a piece of celery and want to go for a run.

Can somebody please send me some patience?

NOW?!?!

The Soothing Sounds of Axl Rose

First, before I start, let me say last night was AWESOME!!!!

By "awesome," I mean JayZ slept from 11pm-2:45am!!!!!!!!!!!!

(it's the little things that make me happy)

Then he was up until 4:45 but then let me sleep with only 2 or 3 interruptions until 8:30!!!

That's my boy!

Okay, enough of that. So yesterday I totally thought I could go during his "mellow time" (usually 6-8pm) to Trader Joe's to get me some WINE (yahooooooooooooooo), Extra Virgin Olive Oil (my staple for cooking and it's hella cheap there), some Emergen-C for Matt (also cheap there), and tasty cereal and peanut butter (the bomb). Things were OK until I made it to the peanut butter, and then my little man decided to freak out on me. I was sort of embarrassed. I decided to high-tail it to the checkout aisle without looking like an even worse mother by perusing the wine aisles with a screaming baby. So, no wine for TriSaraTops yet. Sigh. Although I have had some tasteeeeee Hoegarden (yum!!!) which rocks.

I paid and sheepishly got the heck out of dodge, while JayZ continued to melt down. I got to the car and put him in, hoping that the car would mellow him out as it usually does. Not until I turned on the radio did he calm down. And who was on the radio? My boy Eddie Vedder, singing "I Am Mine," which is on my running mix.

Sigh. Running.

He was pretty calm during that, but what really lulled him to sleep was the next song: Mr. Brownstone by G N' R. WTF??????

This is also on my running playlist and gets me so pumped up! But apparently to JayZ it is a sweet little lullaby.

I guess that's what he gets for having a father that listens to nothing but Iron Maiden, Anthrax, and Pantera in his car and a Korn onesie that he proudly wears.

Anyway, listening to these songs got me soooooooooooooo excited to start running. I really really really hope I get the all clear on the 12th to exercise, as I signed up for a tri swimming clinic that meets every other week to work on my stroke and just miss running and my running buddies so darn much.

I also saw that my Iron Sis Wil has started a 23 minute 5K challenge. See, that rocks on so many levels. I have run a 23 ish minute 5K a couple of times, but not in, like YEARS. That will be a fun goal for me to try next year. It got me all pumped up. My Runner's World Guide to Running and Pregnancy says to "disregard your pace for the first three months of running."

You know me. That's gonna be hard. But I'm gonna try.

So I figure if I can start run/walking in 3 weeks, hopefully by the holidays I'll be able to do some half-hour-45 minutes of consistent running...even if it's slow. Then I can gradually introduce some speedwork and hills in the new year, and hopefully be back on track by the time the first few 5Ks roll around in February and March. Maybe by early spring I can actually see some decent times.

Or not. Or I just get to make it to the starting line of some 5Ks this early spring and I'll have to be happy with that. And you guys will have to remind me to be happy with that.

And if spring comes early I can even take my little man out in his SWEET jogging stroller!

hee hee

So anyway, obviously, all plans are subject to change depending upon what the doctor says and what my body says. But for now, I'm getting excited to get back out there again. Fall is here--my favorite season by far--the leaves are changing and everything's preparing for winter.

So thanks to Eddie and Axl for lulling JayZ to sleep and for getting me mentally prepared for my very different winter.

Last Night Was a Bad Night....

He had 3 good nights in a row...but last night he was up every 45 minutes.

Ugh.

But how can you stay mad at this face?

Seventeen Days

Seventeen days ago my world changed forever.

It has been, as I thought, harder than anything I've ever done. Anything.

From the labor...the most physically demanding and painful and joyous experience I've ever felt...to the tears from lack of sleep, to the amazement and wonder as I stare at this little being that my body created.

For several years my life involved the buildup to this thing called Ironman. It was scary. It was going to hurt. It made me doubt my very abilities from time to time. It wasn't something I could necessarily plan, but something I had to prepare for and cross my fingers and hope for the best.

In the end, it was worth every second...despite the setbacks, the sacrifices, and the occasional disappointments. Somehow I made it to the finish line, and felt so alive in the realization of what my body had just done.

I was amazed.

So far this journey is even more amazing.

I just look at him sometimes...just stare...and think, "How did my body do this?"

How did I help create something so wonderfully complex and challenging and perfect?

I look at him and see so much of Matt and myself, but also his own little drive and personality. Already. It's crazy. I wonder what he'll be and do and enjoy...and if I'll be good enough for him.

I'm utterly, completely amazed.

Still, my body is providing everything he needs. I don't have to think about this; it just does it. Just as my body helped him grow before he arrived, it continues to do so now. There is nothing I can say or do to change this. It's just what I'm supposed to do, and what I'm doing.

The nights are getting easier. I'm starting to adjust to this new life, despite the "two week shell-shock" that my friend described to me before. I'm crying a little less and trusting myself a little more. I'm learning to get by on an hour of sleep here and there...to avoid getting peed on (the joys of a little boy) and to laugh sometimes instead of cry.

He knows me. I say words and he knows me...he recognizes me. That has been the most amazing part so far. It's a feeling I can't describe in words.

I think about how far we've come in seventeen days, and how much I've already changed. I can't stop thinking about where we'll go from here.

I hope I can be everything he needs.

I hope I make him proud.

Crawling before you can walk...

...and ride...and swim...and run...

Today I had my first doctor's appointment to check some things out. I'll spare you the details as to what those things are. Let's just say they are healing well...good news! I go back in 2 weeks to check again.

And, I got the all clear to start walking today! You don't understand how FREAKING excited I am. See, I have been literally in my house for 2 weeks now. It's been nice to forcefully get me to rest (relatively speaking, of course..resting in 2 hour increments) and relax a bit. But, as stated before, I DON'T SLOW DOWN WELL, and have been feeling very antsy. However, I know what my body's just been through is worthy of recovery and recovering RIGHT, or else it will mean more time on my (sore) ass in bed.

So, to hear I could walk made me happy.

I've been replacing Pregnancy magazines with Inside Triathlon and Runner's World.

I've been able to check blogs a bit and get excited from reading other's goals and plans.

I've been excited to start my plans...which begin with walking.

It will still be 4 more weeks before I can swim and, according to my Doc, at LEAST 4 more weeks before I can run. I'm going to do all I can to try and make it 4, but if the body needs more, I guess it needs more and I can't rush it.

I can't even FATHOM sitting on my bike right now. I didn't even ASK the Doc when that will be. Arcaro the Road Bike will just have to wait a while.

It's a little ironic that I'm having this forced recovery in the beginning of what most of my tri-buddies are calling their off-season. I feel strangely like I am following that, too. Slow recovery, followed by nice easy base. Funny...for the first time this year, I don't feel like I'm missing anything...I feel like I'm right on schedule.

And I have a little JayZ man, to boot. Life can't be better.

If only he'd sleep more at night...but hey, he's only 2 weeks old so I've gotta cut him some slack. :)

Off to walk!

No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn

....or Jackson. Who will now be known as JayZ. Because he's big pimpin' and spendin' G's. Or maybe just big.

I have neither the time, brain capacity, nor energy to compose a witty paragraph post....so list format it is.

1. My friends, family, and coworkers are AMAZING, and I'm quite sure that without them I'd be a crying exhausted heap on the floor. Special props to my Mom who has been my own personal nurse on call...and maid...and coffee maker...and laundry folder...and baby rocker...etc. etc. etc.

2. Multiply that by about 57 and that's how amazing Matt has been. I thought I loved him before...this whole adventure takes that to another level entirely.

3. I sorta feel like a milk machine.

4. I've lost 28 pounds in 10 days. Can you say, water weight? Sadly, I still have quite a ways to go....but it's a start.

5. I'm getting really good at changing diapers in the dark.

6. I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a time since September 30.

7. Sometimes I'm not sure who cries more at 3am....JayZ or me.

8. Once again...Matt is amazing. Even more so at 3am when I am exhausted and not making sense and babbling.

9. JayZ is the cutest thing I've ever seen, and I can't believe that he's mine.

10. He's now 9 pounds 6 ounces, and has gained back all of his weight, so I must be doing something right.

11. Every day the world is a little more amazing to me, and every day I'm surprising myself and slowly getting the hang of this whole thing.

The hardest thing I've ever physically done...

...was to bring my little man into the world Tuesday night.

Jackson Adam Ziemnik arrived at 7:39pm. He was 9 pounds, 4 ounces. Yep, I grow 'em big. Somehow I made it through with Matt's help and avoided a C-Section, despite Jackson being in a difficult position and being such a big little man. I've never experienced something so surreal and amazing. Ever. Evereverever.

We're finally home and doing well...not sure when I'll be able to update as I'm lucky to get 10 minutes to take a shower here and there. But soon, I promise!

Thanks for all the happy thoughts over the past 10 months. We are so happy right now, and I just love him more every second.

IronMom, signing out! :)