A Funny Thing About That...

So I'm sitting here, after enjoying a fully warmer-than-usual weekend with the family. Last week was insanity at work and I had a million things going on at the exact same time, so on the weekends I try to go on full-on hibernation mode and just chill. Of course, chilling involved a 7 mile run with Bean (in a jogging stroller that was pulling to the right the entire time--hello, right core muscles this morning! Owie!) and a solid spin session and weights today. But I fit it in between chocolate chip pancakes, Phineas and Ferb, and a few hours at the Zoo.

Weekends like this with sunshine and warm temperatures make me think of races. And how I miss them. So here are my very very very preliminary plans for 2012:

January 15th: Run for Regis Trail Half Marathon. I am so crazy excited for this--talked Ana into it and we may not be able to prepare much on trails, but it will be super fun anyway!

St. Malachi 5 Mile: It's kinda a rite of spring for Cleveland runners. You just have to be there.

Chattanooga Team Evotri Training Camp: Words cannot express the sheer awesomeness this will be. I am so so so pumped to hang with my teammates and do nothing but swim, bike, and run (okay, and maybe eat and sleep some too) for a long weekend!

Cleveland Half Marathon: Oh yeah, baby. It's on. I plan on puking at the end. In a good way.

A few assorted local tris, including Huntington and Lorain: TBD

And the one I'm toying with....Rev3 Cedar Point. No additions will be put onto my house next year, which means things won't be nearly as nutso as they were this summer. I still won't have enough time to train the way I used to, but who does have enough time to train exactly the way they want to, right? If I do this, I want to do it well and PR. This would mean under 5:44 (and in my head I'm already saying as close to 5:30 as I can get), which I am confident I could do, provided I have the blessing of my family (namely Matt). So I'm still mulling it over and probably will for the next few months.

So that's the tentative deal. I do need to get back to the pool soon, though. I'm still working out those details, since unfortunately, the last time I checked there was no 50 meter pool in my basement. The nerve.

The last thing I wanted to note of record is that several people have told me lately that I look like I've lost weight. Like, more in the past month than I've had in a long time. Which is interesting, because it was just about 2 months ago I decided I was done weighing myself. Like, probably forever.

I was one of those people who weighed myself every day, because I thought it would keep me on track. Which it did, for a while. But then it got to the point that it would dictate my day. Half a pound up because I had some pretzels the day before? I AM A FAILURE. Day ruined. I started to realize that this was quite silly. I know, I know. It only took me 34 years.

I decided I wouldn't be a slave to that stupid thing anymore. I know myself to know well enough that I wasn't going to get huge and bloated and let myself go a la Val Kilmer (I mean, seriously. Have you seen that guy lately? Where is my volleyball scene from Top Gun Val Kilmer? Sigh.) I planned on eating as well as I could and trying to be better about weights (like, 2 times a week, and no excuses--at least some pushups, chinups, lunges and core for crying out loud). So that's what I did.

I have no idea what I weigh. I am pretty sure it is about the same as usual. But I don't care.

I must be doing something right, so I'm gonna keep doing it. And I really don't want to know what the number is. It's not worth risking how good I am feeling. What if it's up? And then, DAY RUINED. I'm finally just kind of done with that.

For now, ignorance is bliss!

Big news--HUGE news, actually--coming very very soon from Team Evotri, too! I can't wait to share! But I have to. Trust me, though...2012 will be an awesome year.

What?

No really.

WHAT?

Are you serious?

Yesterday, I am pretty sure I just beat my previous 5K PR by a second or two.

This is insane on many levels.

1) I am pretty much the least in 5K shape of my life. Or so I thought.

2) I am running MAYBE 15 miles a week.

3) I am not very good at 5Ks anyway.

This time that I set back in 2002 (I think--it's been so long I can't even remember!) which I believe was somewhere around 23:48 or so (again--so long I gave up really trying since I don't do these much anymore) and haven't been able to beat ever since....

I just busted it out yesterday.

According to my watch, 23:47. We'll see what the final times were (UPDATE--They have me at 23:46! Yippeeeeee): this wasn't a chip race, and I was back a bit (now I'm regretting that! DOH!).

To top it off, I even snuck into 3rd in my age group--which means you know it was a small 5K field! Ha ha!

Anyway, I should back up. So this race was literally in my front yard. It didn't run through it but came close, so the Mom and I signed up. Mom had to head out of town due to a last minute family emergency (it hasn't been the greatest 2 weeks in TST land, unfortunately) so it was just me, myself and I. My plan was twofold:

1. Run as hard as I possibly can.

2. Try not to hurl.

I had absolutely NO expectations about this race. I even told my buddy Shannon how NOT in 5K shape I was. I lined up kind of near the front but still pretty much in the middle of the pack. If I could average just under 8--like 7:59 or so--I'd call it a victory, given my lack of mileage. The good thing is that although I don't have many miles, Coach Emily has been giving me some good intensity and I've been doing some hard fartlek stuff. But I had a HORRIBLE run on Monday night. Awful awful awful. I could barely hold low-8s for my TWO MINUTE PUSHES. Ugh. So I really didn't expect much.

The first mile I was going hard, but comfortably hard. I kept looking at the Garmin in a bit of disbelief because it didn't feel that fast. Made it to the first mile marker in 7:23.

The second mile, things got a bit harder and I was laboring more, but the wheels weren't coming off as I expected them to. I tried to follow a few people in front of me who had a good pace and just zone out on them. The second mile was around 7:43 or so. Slower for sure, but given my lack of miles, I knew that would probably happen.

But I still felt pretty good.

It was about here that I realized that if I could hold it together, I might PR. I felt good, and it was hard but not too terribly hard.

Was this really going to happen today? TODAY? Nine years of trying to do this and I don't give a crap and it happens NOW?!

Around 2.5, I was regretting my decision to have coffee. That works really well in my short races for me, but started to make me froth at the mouth and feel nauseas. I let out a fabulous, classy, loogie-spit to the right and put on my big girl panties. It was here that I looked at my watch and knew it would be close. I was slowing down and it was starting to hurt, but I didn't want to get that far and blow up in the last half mile!

Mile 3 was 7:57. Uh oh. Time to turn on the gas!

My last .1 was an average pace of 6:36, which means I had entirely too much gas left in the tank. And when I crossed the line, it said 23:47. And I about freaking laughed, except I was doubled over and wheezing from my lovely allergy-induced asthma. So I just smiled instead.

23:47. And I would say this was the LEAST prepared I'd ever been for a 5K, or really any race.

WOW.

Okay, so what did I do differently than I haven't done in the past? How did I actually pull this off?

1. Hats off to Coach Emily for working with my insane schedule and giving me just the right amount of intensity. I definitely respond much better to low-volume, high-intensity training. This further solidifies that. My best marathon time came on my lowest mileage, and now this?! Geez.

2. I had ZERO expectations. NONE. Therefore, my head was not my worst enemy as it usually is. I just ran as hard as I could, period, the end. No drama. No ridiculous obsessing. No nerves, even. Just run hard, try not to puke, run harder, done.

3. I have been more consistent with strength training. I worked really hard to get my core back after Bean and it's still a work in progress of course, but it's a big focus. I've also worked on large muscles like glutes, hammies, and quads, and kept up with my upper-body stuff. Maybe that helped me not die? I dunno.

Now, what did I learn?

1. This is clearly not even CLOSE to what I am capable of. If I were to have some decent mileage along with intensity, I should be able to do much better than this. Of course now, I'm wondering.

2. This 5K PR bar was set very low.

Me, Anne, and Laura after the race

Okay, so I'm thinking there's really no reason I can't drop down into the low-23s and maybe even get into the high 22s. Yes, that's a dare. You hear me, head? THAT'S A REASONABLE DARE. If I can pull this out of my bum, then I should be able to do better. There's no reason why I can't.

Shannon snapped this one of me getting my medal!

So, I have two more 5Ks on the books that I was doing "just for fun" between now and January 1st. And they will still be for fun. But they might just be a little dare to myself, too. TST, the 5K underachiever, is going to try and drop that bar a bit lower where I know it should be.

Giddyup!

What's Next?

I am SO! ANTSY!

That's what.

Taking some time off always makes me remember how much I love these sports. Whenever I was pregnant, I would miss anaerobic stuff like none other. While I'm running around a track teetering on the point of puking? Not so much. But take it away from me, and I remember how much I enjoy it.

Since November, really, I've been running running running and it's been great and all, BUT....

...TST is a triathlete, yo.

So it's about time I start acting like one!

This is also the first year in 6 out of 7 years (lost one season due to being pregnant with Bug) that I will NOT be doing a 70.3. I knew it was time for a break. I do love that distance and, like the marathon, feel as if I'm now confident and experienced enough to actually race it. I know I'll be back. But I felt like I needed a break from it so that I could continue to love it, and not resent it. I know that I made the right decision, because I am so so so so excited to get back out there and am looking forward SO MUCH to what for me will be an attempt to go back to the roots and hammer the short(er) stuff this summer!

Now bear with me. Remember--seven years, people. Seven years since I really focused on short course. So I'm sure I'm going to fall flat on my face a few times.

BUT I CAN'T WAIT!

Here's what I'm looking at:

5K on June 26th--it's in memory of a former student who was killed in action in Iraq. I would love to do this, and I think it's about time I get a new 5K PR. (My current is 23:43 which came 6 or 7 years ago and I know I can do better) My only concern is that it might be too soon after the marathon to give that a legit go, but we'll see how recovery shakes out in the next week or so.

Lifetime Oly: July 10th. SO EXCITED for my team race and to see all my teammates and Baby Pharmie, too! Can't WAIT!

July 24th: Huntington Sprint literally down the street from my house (It pays to live on Lake Erie) This is a free race I earned from volunteering while preggo. Local and lots of friends--would like this to be a hammer fest, too (do you see a trend here?)

August 21st: Sprint or Oly--could see what I feel like later--also nearby and also free from volunteering--yahoo

September 11: Thinking about a half marathon with Matt, Ana, and my other friends Rob and Sarah. I've done it before--the course is super fast (slightly downhill point to point) and it would be nice to try and go low 1:40s

September 24: Dances with Dirt Trail Race Relay--just going to have a great time here!

So that's the plan so far. For now, I need to stop eating everything in sight (Cinnamon Toast Crunch! It tastes so good when it HITS YOUR LIPS!), and focus on actually resting and recovering and all that stuff. Oh, and get this! I think I talked Ana into riding with me this weekend and possibly doing the Huntington Sprint in July! I can talk that girl into anything! Skinny skiing? Bullfights on acid?

(That's a Caddyshack reference, in case you missed it. Matt will be so proud. Anyone catch the Old School reference, too?)

Happy training to all!

"Six Month Maternity Leave"

I'm ending what I refer to as my "six month maternity leave" tomorrow. It's bittersweet...on one hand, I already miss my kids dearly. But on the other hand, I am excited to get back into the classroom and start off my 12th year of teaching.

12!

Seriously. Sometimes I still feel about 12. So bizarre. I know I was a baby when I started doing this and all, but....man.

Last night was a challenging night. Bug was being almost-three again, and by that I mean arguing about everything and throwing fits every 2.5 minutes. I finally got Bean down and Matt went out to do a workout, so I tried to get Bug down. He threw fits repeatedly, and intentionally woke Bean up. Then I had two screaming kids. It was rough. I have to admit I cried a bit. How was I going to get everyone out of the house by 7:05am every morning--teeth brushed, acceptable clothing, lunches packed?

Matt came in to help out. I put Bean back to bed, and he worked his "other parent magic" (you know--whatever parent is not there during a meltdown magically becomes the one that the 2 1/2 year old wants, and then is totally happy) and I heard him singing "Five Little Monkeys" within 3 minutes. Then Matt came in while I held Bean and said to come into Bug's room.

Matt asked Bug, "Why did you wake your sister up?"

Bug replied, "Because I love Emery and want to give her hugs and kisses. That's what you do when you love someone."

That is a direct quote. I heard it with my own two ears.

And then I promptly cried.

-----------------------------

I've been working quite a bit on my head game the past 2 weeks. It's no secret that I had second thoughts about the sanity of doing this half ironman 6 months postpartum. I've laid that out here.

What I have decided is that I need to work on my insane worry issues. I flat out worry too much, and that's really dumb and wastes time and energy. Life is too short. I have had some issues with anxiety that have seriously affected my sleeping from time to time, as long as I can remember. I remember being maybe 11 or 12 and my mom telling me to "turn my clock around" so I couldn't see what time it was, since I would worry that it was so late. Seriously. This goes back quite a way.

(I still turn my clock around every night, too)

So I've decided I'm going to really, seriously work on mindfulness. I have been doing some reading on the subject and some practices. Lots of journaling. It's been good--I've been sleeping better and I have been feeling more relaxed. We'll see how the first week of school goes--it's notoriously an insane week where I sleep very little. I'm going to really try to simplify things in my mind and cut out lots of unnecessary stuff. Here's what I'm working on:

--really enjoying breakfast and lunch. Usually, I wolf it down standing up while checking facebook and making bottles and picking up trucks and listening to NPR. The past three days, I have forced myself to sit in silence, not read anything, and think about my meal. Do you know how hard that is?!?! Seriously. I could barely do it the first day. But I'm getting better at it. I am notorious for working through lunch and grading while I eat. While I accept that I might still need to do that from time to time, I'm going to try and eat outside and/or take a short, 10 minute walk while it's nice out during my lunch break.

--going off the grid. No more facebook. No worthless news sites that are all full of spin anyway. No gossip sites or E! shows. At first, I went through a little withdrawal. I'm used to checking facebook all freaking day. But after 2 days? Wonderful. Hearing everyone's banter can be actually quite tiring and mentally cluttering. I will still keep my account so people can get ahold of me, but I'm going to cut the cord of checking updates all the time, and I'm going to only update with pictures or big stuff for my family and friends to see. I am going to focus on my own updates.

--I decided to keep writing here, though. This has always been a bit of an outlet for me. I enjoy writing. I may check blogs less for a bit or narrow them down while I'm working on clearing out my internal clutter, but it will be nice to have this space to write.

--Focus on being home at home, and at work at work. That will be hard to do. Teaching is the kind of job you often bring home by nature--DBQs don't grade themselves. But I'm going to really try hard to use my time at work more productively, and leave work at work.

--Enjoying my workouts, and thinking of them as a celebration and not a chore. I'm getting better at this. Instead of rushing through a workout so I can do what's next on whatever insane list I've made, I'm going to really focus on each workout and let it remind me that I'm lucky to be able to do this. This, as anyone with very young kids knows, will be easier said than done.

I've still got my eye on the Cleveland Marathon next May. I was thinking that I would do the Fall Classic Half Marathon in November and try to get my time down as close to 1:40 as I can get, but I'm going to see how the first few weeks of school go and make my decision from there. I have a very busy few weekends--mostly fun stuff--bachelorette party out of town next weekend for my awesome buddy Jacks, Bug's 3rd birthday party (agh!) and then I'm in two weddings (both out of town, and back to back weekends!) for two of my best friends--Jacks and the uber-awesome TriShannon. So, we'll see how things go here.

I'm getting more excited to race in 2 weeks. I think I've turned my head around a bit. I'm thinking about all the friends that will be there--first on my team (can't wait to see them!) and in the Cleveland area. As Coach Emily says, "it might not be your personal best, or it might be...but just have fun." So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm trying to remember that my best marathon came on my lowest mileage. I might not have been able to swim or run as many yards or miles as I would have liked to, but my body is continuing to show me that I'm capable of pulling things off.

And honestly? I'm looking forward to that finish line more than anything--possibly even more than my Ironman. This one will really mean a lot to me, and I can have my two kids with me and Matt will be there too. Because, to quote my almost-three-year-old, I love them and I want to give them hugs and kisses at the finish line.

Because that's what you do when you love someone.

See? I told you so.

This baby will totally be late. Like me.

Still nothing....3 more days until the "official" due date, but I'm calling it now: LATE, my friends. Don't hold your breath. This is a product of Matt and I, and I should know.

Anyway, I gave up trying to sleep around 4:17am this morning and picked up the book I started last night: The Help. It is really, REALLY good. And I have this thing about books--I read RIDICULOUSLY fast (like, to the point where no one believes I'm really reading it) and I can't put things down until I know how they end. Which is a problem if it's long. I read Sarah's Key in 3 hours and 10 minutes. STRAIGHT. I had to. Now, I started The Help last night around 8:30 and currently, after this morning's 2 hours, I am on page 248. I swear I am actually reading it. Around 7:30, I gave up, and went to Panera to get bagels. Here it is, 8:32am, and Matt and Bug are still sleeping.

Last night, perhaps because I am the size of a walrus, I found myself thinking about how I'm going to get my body back. I'm definitely a little worried about 2 kids, as I've stated before. And people who love to tell me how "hard it will be" are starting to drive me nuts. (Thanks, by the way, to people out there kickin' it with 2 and taking names. You guys rock.) I know it will be a definite adjustment, but I've never backed down from a challenge before and I'm not about to start now.

So, as I've also stated before, my goal will be to qualify for Boston. It's going to take me a bit to get there, as I am hoping to avoid all anxiety issues that I had with Bug. That was rough. But that was different, because I had to work for 4 months instead of 4 weeks before summer break. And it was my first year of AP US History; not my third. I'm in a much better spot now professionally...not to mention, the timing is just plain better. Ever wonder why so many teacher's kids are born in late winter or early spring? ;)

Here's a few things I need to work on after this watermelon decides to make its grand appearance from my ridiculously stretched abdomen:

It will be very hard for me to get to Boston: a combination of skill, determination, sacrifice, and just a good day. I will need every edge I can get. Here's what I'm working on in my head now:

1. I need to get STRONGER. No more slacking on weight training. It will need to be efficient, but it will need to be OFTEN. Please hold me to this. I'm 32, and I know that's the first thing to "go." Plus, it will keep me from injury--especially as I ramp up mileage in late summer and early fall. There is absolutely no reason why I can't do some kind of strength training 2-3 times a week for 20 minutes.

2. I think dropping an additional 5-6 pounds might help, too. My typical racing weight is around 145-147. I noticed a big difference from when I raced slightly higher than this in 2008 to when I raced right at this in 2009. I'm thinking if I could get to around 140, it might really help shave off the minutes or seconds I need. This won't be too difficult, as it leads me to #3...

3. NUTRITION. I am very healthy and eat healthy, too. However, I love my sweets. I simply cannot pass up chocolate or ice cream. I really need to focus on cutting down on the refined sugars and eating as clean as I can. I definitely notice a change in my energy level when I eat well and skip the sugar. Next season, I need to think when I eat the sweet stuff and really try to remember my ultimate goal. I think by cutting down (notice I didn't say OUT--a girl's gotta have some ice cream or a beer from time to time) these empty calories, and combine that with a little more strength, I can drop a few more pounds. 140ish is about as low as I'd like to go, given my height and body type.

I think everything else is there. Treadmill for early morning workouts? Check. Group to run with on the weekends? Check. Masters swim this summer in the early am to push me in the pool? Check. (Yes...I might try Masters again, despite my disastrous start back in '07....where, I've come to realize, I just met the WRONG guy there who rubbed me the WRONG way BIG TIME. But he won't be at this one, so no one will get hurt.) Trainer for indoor quality workouts? Check. Friends to ride with at the drop of a hat during naptime this summer for longer rides? Well.....you can't get everything you want. But I've got almost everything set up here.

Most importantly: awesome husband who supports me? Check.

Very flexible summer job schedule for both of us? Yep.

Amazing family nearby who helps more than they know? Uh-huh.

So this will be a team effort here. If I am lucky enough to get to Boston, it won't be because I did it alone. That's for sure. There are some things I can do by myself, as listed above. But most of this will be made possible by those around me.

So the goal is...

Rev3 70.3 in September: push myself hard and see how it goes--if I'm in PR shape, than go for it. If 2 has been rougher than I expected, not to beat myself up and just have a great race.

Fall Classic Half Marathon: 1:40.

Cleveland Marathon 2011: 3:40.59 or better.

It's aggressive, but you know what? Sometimes I am, too.

So for now, I'm going to waddle and get myself a banana. Hopefully the next time I'm on here, I'll have some news to share about Baby Bean...wish me luck!

Pencils Down

My life is measured in school years. And another one has just closed.

There's a certain familiarity to it; predictability and routine, but also never the same day twice. Never the same student twice. This, I think, is part of the reason I love what I do. Every year, I walk out of a clean classroom--all the posters taken down, the secret initials written in chalk on my board by kids who think I'll never find 'em, the scantrons in the recycle bin, and the students gone. Just me, and 31 empty desks.

Pencils down.

I always get a teensy bit sad--actually, I don't think sad's the way to describe it...wistful, maybe?--when I walk out of that room the last time every June-whateverth, because I know I'm another year older. Another year has gone by, and I'm that much different than I was when I walked in there.

But there's something magical about an empty classroom. It just begs to be filled. And I know when I lock the door for the last time that I'll unlock it and enter in August even more older, and hopefully wiser. Under different circumstances. Still teaching about the Enlightenment and the Gilded Age and the Cold War, but hopefully not the same lessons. And definitely not to the same audience.

I've now been teaching almost one third of my entire life, which is hard to believe. Next weekend I'm heading down to Miami for my ten-year reunion. Where my school year ended, and I packed everything up, and I said goodbye to my good friends that last day after the caps and gowns were put away and the cheap beer had been tapped out, and drove away. And then--only then--I cried. I knew it was the end of something, and I just didn't know what was next. I was afraid that the quote "best four years of your life" end quote were over. What could be better than that?

The good news is what was next has been even more amazing than my four years there. I didn't know it then, but I can appreciate that now, as I'm knocking on the door to 32 years old and walking out of my tenth school year as a teacher.

Yesterday I ran a new loop, which is different for me. As stated before, I enjoy routine. I like the same patterns. I like to know where I am, at what time, and how that compares to last run. So for me to branch out and try a new loop was definitely different. And, here's the kicker--I didn't even take the Garmin. Type-A TST put it away and just ran for fun. Such will be my runs for a while here, as I am in definite need of a break. I have some pretty lofty goals in mind, but I need a bit of time here to recharge the batteries.

I'm reading Dara Torres' biography right now, which seriously is making me want to swim every. single. second. I can, because it reminds me of when I used to watch swimming as a kid. I LIVED for the Summer Olympics. I remember watching in on our TV in our old house--the '88 Olympics, on my parent's small TV in their bedroom. I grew up worshiping the likes of Dara Torres and Summer Sanders. I loved to swim, and am well aware that I never met my full potential in that sport. Just when I needed to step it up a notch and swim year-round--right around, oh, age 12-13 or so--along came band and cheerleading and softball and boys and all the other reasons why I didn't want to stare at a black line for hours on end. I don't really regret it, since I think about all the things I got to experience instead. But I've accepted that I never got to see how far I'd go in that sport. Conversely, I'm on an absolute thrill-ride seeing how far I've come in a sport I NEVER thought I'd enjoy--running. So it all evens out, I think, in the end.

I'm only halfway through, but I love DT even more now that I'm reading this book. I think I can really identify with her in a lot of ways. Not in the 24 second 50 meter way. (In my dreams....) But check this out....sound familiar?

"One thing I learned from being a pregnant athlete and then an athlete-mom is that when it comes to women, sports, and child-bearing, often people's first reaction is to say, "No you can't." You can't do those exercises. You can't go that fast. You can't win that race. But most of the time that negativity is not based on fact. It's based on ignorance or fear. So I chose to do my own research. I wanted to learn what my own body could take." --page 71

Well played, DT. Well played indeed.

Here's another one I like:

"...other people were constantly insinuating that age did matter, that even at 33 I was too old to compete. "Don't you feel terrible in the water?" people would ask. "You know, being so old and out of the water for so many years?" Questions like that really bothered me until I realized they had very little to do with me. Our whole culture is so terrified of growing older, so sure that life goes to hell progressively once you pass 25 or 30 or 35--whatever number people have stuck on their heads. But I came to see such negativity as a reflection of other people's fears about life, a window into the ways in which so many of us are limiting ourselves and selling ousrselves short. I decided, back then, not to live that way." --page 109

I know now that the best is yet to come. I've been so lucky and blessed so far, in racing but really just in life in general, and it's easy to get stuck in the routine and enter another age group and feel like, "That's it...the good times/races/days are over." But that, my friends, is total bull. One day, I'm going to qualify for the Boston Marathon. One day, I might even become the swimmer I could have been 20 years ago. Or one day, maybe I'll even hit a home run over the fence. (My one and only lonely home run on record was inside the park.) Who knows? I don't know what I'm doing next week...or certainly next school year.

But I know one thing for sure: I am not going to slow down.

Under Construction

As you may have noticed, I've changed my blog layout a bit...wanted it to reflect me circa 2009 a bit more. Still working on a few things, but HEEE-YOOOGE thanks to Sister Wil for helping me with my masthead picture! Thanks, Wil! :)

More to come, but I'm off to Columbus to visit a few buddies and drink some wine...girls night in! Kind of a last-minute trip here and just a quick one. The weather has been gorgeous lately and I just got back from a 9 mile run--the first 4.5 just with me, and the last 4.5 with Matt and Bug. Negative split big time, and ended up with an average pace of 8:54 and felt very slow. This got me wondering: what the sam hill has gotten into me? Since when does sub-9 feel like a nice easy long run pace?

So that has led me to pull the trigger on the Cleveland Half Marathon. I'm in there like swimwear, baby. And I've got an aggressive goal, but I am feeling good. Why not, huh? Might as well take advantage of a little early season fitness.

So here it is: I'm going to go for a 1:45 and either hit it or blow up spectacularly trying. Giddyup!

And next up...

...well, lots, actually.

I've had two weeks to just relax, ride for fun, and run without a watch. It has been awesome. It has been much needed. I feel like I had so much to prove to myself this year--that I could do this again, and maybe that I could do it just as fast, or even faster (to which I suprised myself greatly)--that I needed a break from this, mentally, just to soak it all in.

It's been quite an amazing year.

As mentioned before, I haven't stopped moving since my 6 week checkup last November after giving birth to my son. And I was, at least for the first few months, moving out of fear. Motivated by "what if I'm never going to be able to even come close to competing with my pre-pregnancy self again?" Even though many before me tried to warn me that I'd be fine. You know, me and my head, see, we like to DO THINGS THE HARD WAY SOMETIMES.

So as the months went by and the times dropped...and dropped...and dropped again, I then was moving to see just what I could get away with. Motivated by seeing just how crazy this body was in trying to prove my head wrong. And the body won, folks. Fo' SHO.

So now I'm in the process of assessing.

5 minutes off the half marathon PR, 44 minutes of my half ironman bike split, 22 minutes off my half ironman run split, and 20 minutes off my marathon. I'm still on cloud nine. And don't really think it's fully sunk in yet.

First and foremost, I have to thank my awesome Coach Emily at Vision Quest. She put together the perfect mix of workouts to kick my butt and fit into my somewhat insane day. Thanks, Emily!

Also, I wouldn't have been able to do this without Team Evotri's other sponsors and my awesome teammates. Thank you to Zipp, CycleOps, BMC, Sram, and 2XU. I'm so lucky to be able to race with their products, and to work with each of those companies. They really are the best. Good people all around.

So now what?

Well, I've got some big ideas. I feel like this has been a breakthrough year for me, and I can definitely take it up another notch.

Here's what I'm thinking:

Sub-5:30 at New Orleans 70.3

This one is doable, but will require some intensity this winter. I need to work on my strength and flexibility, and I want to run better off the bike. My goal is a comfortable 36 minute swim, a 2:45 bike (which I did at Steelhead but that bike was a bit short), and a 1:55 run, including transitions, to come in just under 5:30. So there it is.

A Boston Qualifying Marathon: 3:40

This is, quite honestly, at the very upper end of what I'm capable of. This will most likely take a few tries. I'm thinking of going for a faster half marathon in the spring (1:45 would be ideal), and then shooting for 3:50 in a marathon, and finally hitting that 3:40. This will take several seasons. But I can do it. I just know that. It will be really, really hard, but I know I have it in me.

For Columbus, I never ran more than 38 miles in a week. I was swimming or doing a bike ride one other day so I had cross training, but my runs were intense. Lots of tempo, and pretty much EVERY run was a negative split. This was tough, but great especially for my mental game. One of the toughest runs I did was a 16-miler with 8 easy and the last 8 at race pace. I thank Coach Emily again for this, as I believe that's what led me to that crazy 8:52 for mile 24. I was ready to run tired, and it helped me a TON. So, what might I be able to do with a little higher mileage? I just wonder...

I'm ready to begin base training. I'm ready now to focus on strength flexibility. It's time to make myself even better.

Time, I think to put the watch on again. But not lose the feeling of running without it. :)

Laying it all out there

It's quiet now, and Bug's asleep.

It's been quite a challenging week, and an emotional one at that. I haven't really even had time to think about the race, and maybe that's a good thing. There's been no obsessing, no freaking out, and I forgot to mention it to most of my students. A few of them remembered from a week or two ago when I let it slip, but other than that, my day ended quietly in an empty classroom like it usually does. Tomorrow it will just be me in my room for a scheduled work day, which I love. Time to actually plan, make some calls, look up interesting lessons, and do all the other things I never get to do in a jam-packed school day.

So it's Thursday night, and I have about 2 more days until the big day. I've never felt more ready, but the events of this past weekend have definitely taken my mind off the race. I think it's time maybe I started thinking about it.

Hmmmm.

So I have done 2 "stand alone marathons." One, in 2002. Trained alone, 30 pounds heavier than I am now, and just happy to finish. Finishing time 5:14.

Then, me and my partner in crime, Canada Jenn, did the Flying Pig in 2005. Trained with Second Sole and my awesome buddies there. Actually had a clue. Lost the poundage. Ran a 4:18.

This race, I'm setting the goal at 3:59.59. Things went so well during training, that I thought about lowering the bar even more. But I don't want to get too ahead of myself...18 minutes is a lot to chop off, and a BQ is still too far away, so I think sub-4 is a good goal for right now.

The plan is to run with Pacer Catherine of the Clif Bar Pace Team (who just so happens to be an IMW Veteran as of this year) for the first half. Then, pick it up just slightly if I can, or stay to her like glue if I cannot.

So that's the plan.

Weather looks good so far, but this is me we're talking about and I get rained on in pretty much every race I do, so I'd better not speak too soon. I do not do well in heat, and I think I'm out of the woods for that at least.

The events of the past week have been sort of a punch in the face of perspective, so I really am rather calm and collected at the moment. In the scheme of things, really....this is just a race. I'm going to do my best, do what I know I can, and enjoy the day and the finish with my buddies and Matt and the Bug.

So, there you have it. Not the usual intense pre-race situmatation that I usually find myself in. But, regardless, I just kind of have a good feeling about this. And I just kind of feel like I'm going to do it.

So that's what I'm going to do. For those who want to play along, I'm number 4025, and you can probably track me somehow here.

See you on the other side of the finish line.

The Grand Experiment

...which is what I'm calling my race this Sunday.

It's an experiment, and I don't really know how it will go, but I've done all that I can and plan on enjoying whatever the day throws at me. I'm just glad to be out there, and with friends to boot!

The details are, quite honestly, not as important to me at this time. I know what I have trained for, the heart rates and paces and numbers and miles, and I will throw myself into getting that when that gun goes off. I tend to do better when I relax a bit, step away from the buzz, and take the pressure off until I'm standing there in line and hear that gun. Unconventional, I know. It's why I stayed as far away from Ironman Village as I could in '06. Just how I roll, I guess.

The pressure has been on in another, much more important way this week. I got another call. Another biopsy. Another diagnosis of cancer for someone I care about very much. I'm 30 years old, and I'm angry. I'm angry that I've had way too many of these calls. That I've already had two funerals this year. That I'm seeing too many of my friends, eyes red and voices shaking, dealing with these calls.

I'm scared that someday I might have to do the calling.

Suddenly, race day is seeming less of a fear or proving ground and more of a declaration...of my health, my friendships, and my hope. I'll enjoy every second because I know how lucky I am to be there, to put a number on, and to have a race day.

And that's it, really.

________________

UPDATE: Stage 2, with a 90% survival rate. Not as good as Stage NONE, but as good of news as we could get. I still might have to get Mouse's cross stitch project, though. :)

Partyin' Like it's 1912

The AP test is this Friday, so I doubt I'll have time to post this week...or do much of anything. I will be lucky to squeeze in my workouts here and there.

Not surprisingly, I tend to look to the past for inspiration. My students are freaking out on me as they approach their "race day." I try to tell them that if they've been doing what they should have all year, they will be more than fine on Friday. Cramming for the AP test 4 days prios makes about as much sense as squeezing in a 20-miler four days before your marathon.

I'm making them little notes with Smarties attached that have one of my all-time favorite quotes on it. Exhibit A:

"The credit belongs to those who are actually in the arena, who strive valiantly; who know the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spend themselves in a worthy cause; who at best, know the triumph of high achievement; and who, at the worst, if they fail, fail while they are daring greatly, so that their place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." --T. Roosevelt

For many of them, the cards have been stacked against them as they deal with serious issues outside of school. I want them to know how proud I am of them for making it to test day--regardless of what happens. They have grown tremendously and I consider myself lucky to witness this.

Sometimes, getting to the starting line is overlooked. Often, getting to the starting line is a task in and of itself for many reasons, and one that should be celebrated. Sure, there are standards of "success," whether it's a 5 on the AP test from the College Board or a sub-10 hour Ironman. But, ultimately, I want them to understand that success must be defined within. Your goals and dreams may be up for discussion, but they are not up for negotiation. Ever.

For me, the goal is the journey. I am so grateful to be able to stand at a starting line in less than two weeks, and with one of my best friends there, too. Sure, I could have done more over the past seven months to prepare for one standard of success--time. But at what cost? At one that, at this point in my life, I'm just not willing nor have any desire to make.

I am very nervous and excited to enjoy the day and share it with friends. For me, that will make my race day a success.

Have a wonderful week everyone--see you after I get my life back on Friday!

Finally...

I'm starting to feel like me again!

Man. Whatever the heck this bug was that I caught was ROTTEN. I guess it could have been worse--I wasn't throwing up--but it reminded me of when I got Mono freshman year of college, and my throat was so swollen that I was snoring so loudly that poor DaisyDuc had to carry her mattress into another room to sleep in one night.

(Seriously. Poor Daisy couldn't sleep a wink and didn't want to wake me up. I woke up and looked down to see my bunk mate gone--mattress and all!)

My throat is much better and I'm feeling a lot more like me, but I won't be doing any training today. Or, tomorrow. That will be almost a whole week off. Which led me to my previous post's ruminations.

From what I have been discussing with those who know this stuff, it seems that (big surprise here) I'm freaking out a bit for not much reason. I need to remember the consistent work I've done since January. The speedwork, tempo runs, and various long runs in the 10-12 mile range as well as a 13 and 14 mile run already. And this weekend, provided I continue to feel better, I'll do 12-14 again. So that will mean I will have ALREADY RAN THREE HALF MARATHONS. I have covered this distance three times. Each time having a successful negative split.

My mileage has been lower than I'd like, but I've also been swimming and cycling a teensy bit, so that should help a bit. I've seen lots of my triathlon friends greatly improve their race times from adding cycling to their routine, so I'm not going to worry about it for now.

I also have a history of my head being my biggest enemy on race day. I know I am capable of doing well on the 18th, and I think I need to make mental training just as high of a priority as I will my next two weeks of runs.

So here's the plan:

A Goal: run a 1:50 half. Follow pacers for first 11 miles, then dig deep for the last 2 on my own when they turn off on the marathon course. Then grill out and drink beer with TriShannon.

B Goal: Stick with pacers for first few miles, and run the rest on my own. Go 1:54 or less. Then grill out and drink beer with TriShannon.

C Goal: Stick with pacers for first few miles, run the rest on my own and decided just to finish, high-fiving as many people as I can along the way. Finish. Then grill out and drink beer with TriShannon.

If I don't give it a shot, I'll kick myself. I've put in a great deal of time and consistent training for a while now, as well as sort of already running "three half marathons" in training. I need to go for this. I can go for this.

First task: get 100% better.

Next task: kick butt.

Distance Girl, Revisited

Wow.

Sometimes blogs and email just go by the wayside. For like, a week.

Anyway, I had an awesome week of workouts and spending time with JayZ. He had his shots on Tuesday--which was harder for me than for him, if that's possible--and is already 14 pounds. Dare I say that he's been sleeping through the night? From what I'm reading on websites it qualifies as sleeping through the night if we get a stretch of 5 hours. For the past week, he's given us at least 4 and the past two nights we got 6.

SIX.

IT. WAS. AWESOME.

It's amazing how much better you feel with sleep. Sometimes after I feed him around 7am I bring him to bed with me to snuggle for another hour or so. I know that I don't have much longer to enjoy this time so I'm trying to take every advantage that I can. I already had a little meltdown at 4am on Saturday morning after I put him back in his crib and wondered how on earth I'm going to leave him in January.

But I'll do it somehow, I'm sure. I think the anticipation of my first day back is going to be much worse than the actual day. Thank goodness I'm not dropping him off at the sitter's--I get to pick up. But I'm sure I'll still be a crying mess 1st period, nonetheless.

JayZ seems to just know that Mommy needs to run, and he is great at letting me do just that. So is my amazing husband who does whatever he can to let me sneak outside for anything more than 4 miles when he can. I'm trying to repay the favor for him, although he hates the cold and prefers the dreadmill. Ew. Give me cold and rainy over dreadmill any day. But, I'm glad we have the 'mill and JayZ will sleep in his swing while I squeeze in a 4-miler here and there. Thanks, buddy.

I'm also getting stronger in the pool, slowly and surely. My 100s at 75% effort this week were quite pleasing. Now, my 200s are another story. Ugh. But, it will come.

One part of my equation as a triathlete is sorely missing here. I know, I know. I'll get back in the saddle. It's just not as fun, and time is at a premium so I'd rather do what's fun at the moment. Not the best way to improve your limiter, but hey, it's working for now so I'll take it.

I watched Ironman Wisconsin on TV and got so pumped up. It reminded me of everything from my Iron Summer of 2006, and all the amazing things I got to do an amazing people I got to meet. It got me thinking about what I plan to do next year. Things are going well so far so I feel like I can start to really firm up some goals and state my intentions. I'd rather reach high and fall hard than not reach at all, you know?

From 2002-2004 I did lots of short course racing--5Ks, 10Ks, sprints and olympics. It was fun and I had a great time--mostly because of who I was with. My buddy Canada Jenn and I raced almost every weekend and often placed in age group, although I was almost always a good 30 seconds behind her. Speedy girl, that CJ is. I now realize that I built up my base from these years, and that's a good thing.

So I thought I'd just want to get back into that in '08. I wouldn't have time for the long stuff. It would be fun to hammer again. Maybe I can try for age group glory again.

But a funny thing happened on the way to basework.

I don't want to do that anymore.

I want the long stuff.

Now, I realize that this doesn't make sense on paper. Why wouldn't I want to do shorter things? Won't that be easier to train for? But I can usually place in age group in small, short stuff...and I ain't even CLOSE to bringing home any hardware in a half marathon, marathon, half-ironman, or IM. Why would I want to do it?

I don't really have an answer for that. When I was running my six miles on Saturday one of my favorite running songs came on the ol' iPod...

"The sun has gone down and the moon has gone up
And long ago somebody left with the cup...

...No flowers, no flashbulbs, no trophy, no wine
He's haunted by something he can not define..."

I think the only way to explain it is that it's just more me.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Perhaps I should state my intentions.

(this is a little scary, but I'm aiming high with the realization that if you aim high you might fall hard)

My A goals include the following:

May 18th: PR in the Cleveland Half Marathon. Ideally, sub-1:50.

August: Sub-6 at Steelhead HIM.

October: Sub-4 at a marathon.

There. I said it.

Let the adventure begin.

The Inevitable Conversation

Mind: Next week is six weeks already.


Body: Yep. I'm still recovering.


Mind: I can't believe it's been six weeks already.


Body: Still recovering. You hear me?


M: I can't even put into words how much I love him.


B: That was all me, by the way. I grew that.


M: Seriously. More and more every day.


B: You're welcome.


M: I can tell things aren't the same. Anywhere.


B: Ya think?


M: I get down on myself sometime for not having things instantly back to normal.


B: Give me some time, for crying out loud. Look at what I just did. Can I have a little credit? Please?


M: I wonder if I can start running...or should I say, run/walking (aka wogging) next week?


B: I wish you'd give it a rest and chill out already.


M: I hope I can.


B: You're going to get frustrated if you think you can just go back to the way it was instantly.


M: I know, I know! Seriously, I know. I'm ready. I'm ready for the first "this sucks and I just peed my pants" run.


B: (No you're not.)


M: I'm slowly but surely dropping this weight, and that's good.


B: Once again, I JUST GREW A PERSON. CUT ME SOME FRICKEN SLACK.


M: My stomach looks like a deflated balloon.


B: SERIOUSLY I can't even talk to you right now.


M: I signed up for the Turkey Dash again this year...I know I won't be out at the bars driving my drunk best friend around until 3am like last year so maybe I'll actually make it?


B: If you think you can run the whole thing, you're on crack.


M: I KNOW!!!!! I'm fully accepting the fact that I will be wogging.


B: (No you haven't.)


M: It will be fun just to be out there and at a race again.


B: Don't forget. I just baked a person for you, so no getting pissy at being slow for the first few months.


M: I know!


B: (No you don't.)


M: No, REALLY. I know, I know, I know. You're much smarter than me. I think I finally understand that. You got me here. And you got me this:

...and because of that, I respect you now more than I ever have in my entire life.

B: Well it's about time.

M: I wonder if I will be OK to start running next week....?

B: Oh brother.

The Soothing Sounds of Axl Rose

First, before I start, let me say last night was AWESOME!!!!

By "awesome," I mean JayZ slept from 11pm-2:45am!!!!!!!!!!!!

(it's the little things that make me happy)

Then he was up until 4:45 but then let me sleep with only 2 or 3 interruptions until 8:30!!!

That's my boy!

Okay, enough of that. So yesterday I totally thought I could go during his "mellow time" (usually 6-8pm) to Trader Joe's to get me some WINE (yahooooooooooooooo), Extra Virgin Olive Oil (my staple for cooking and it's hella cheap there), some Emergen-C for Matt (also cheap there), and tasty cereal and peanut butter (the bomb). Things were OK until I made it to the peanut butter, and then my little man decided to freak out on me. I was sort of embarrassed. I decided to high-tail it to the checkout aisle without looking like an even worse mother by perusing the wine aisles with a screaming baby. So, no wine for TriSaraTops yet. Sigh. Although I have had some tasteeeeee Hoegarden (yum!!!) which rocks.

I paid and sheepishly got the heck out of dodge, while JayZ continued to melt down. I got to the car and put him in, hoping that the car would mellow him out as it usually does. Not until I turned on the radio did he calm down. And who was on the radio? My boy Eddie Vedder, singing "I Am Mine," which is on my running mix.

Sigh. Running.

He was pretty calm during that, but what really lulled him to sleep was the next song: Mr. Brownstone by G N' R. WTF??????

This is also on my running playlist and gets me so pumped up! But apparently to JayZ it is a sweet little lullaby.

I guess that's what he gets for having a father that listens to nothing but Iron Maiden, Anthrax, and Pantera in his car and a Korn onesie that he proudly wears.

Anyway, listening to these songs got me soooooooooooooo excited to start running. I really really really hope I get the all clear on the 12th to exercise, as I signed up for a tri swimming clinic that meets every other week to work on my stroke and just miss running and my running buddies so darn much.

I also saw that my Iron Sis Wil has started a 23 minute 5K challenge. See, that rocks on so many levels. I have run a 23 ish minute 5K a couple of times, but not in, like YEARS. That will be a fun goal for me to try next year. It got me all pumped up. My Runner's World Guide to Running and Pregnancy says to "disregard your pace for the first three months of running."

You know me. That's gonna be hard. But I'm gonna try.

So I figure if I can start run/walking in 3 weeks, hopefully by the holidays I'll be able to do some half-hour-45 minutes of consistent running...even if it's slow. Then I can gradually introduce some speedwork and hills in the new year, and hopefully be back on track by the time the first few 5Ks roll around in February and March. Maybe by early spring I can actually see some decent times.

Or not. Or I just get to make it to the starting line of some 5Ks this early spring and I'll have to be happy with that. And you guys will have to remind me to be happy with that.

And if spring comes early I can even take my little man out in his SWEET jogging stroller!

hee hee

So anyway, obviously, all plans are subject to change depending upon what the doctor says and what my body says. But for now, I'm getting excited to get back out there again. Fall is here--my favorite season by far--the leaves are changing and everything's preparing for winter.

So thanks to Eddie and Axl for lulling JayZ to sleep and for getting me mentally prepared for my very different winter.

Silver Linings

....after yesterday's utter homeowners disaster, it looks like carpet being full of sewage is covered by our insurance. Yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Still have to pay a deductible, though, but let's just say that Baby Z will have the cleanest and newest basement carpet to crawl on and be all cute on. So that makes things somewhat better. :)

At least we didn't ACTUALLY WITNESS the type of encounter that my poor neighbor found floating in her basement water.

Unfortunately, it wasn't a Baby Ruth in their basement.

My buddy Steph DID give me a HILARIOUS shirt for Baby Z this weekend at my shower...it says, "If Pooping Your Pants Is Cool, Consider Me Miles Davis." This is not only a take on my favorite Billy Madison quote, but pretty much the first thing I told her and my AGD friends when I crossed the finish line in Madison last year...except I swapped one bodily function for another.

On a lighter, and less smelly note, I got an AWESOME swim in today. Just a mile...but I felt so good and had I had more time, I could have kept going. Instead of doing sets of 200 like I normally do, I did sets of 400. It took me roughly the same amount of time, and I didn't feel as out of breath. Yippee! Now, it was still REALLY slow...let's not get ahead of ourselves...but at this stage in the game, I'm just so doggone happy to be out there doing SOMETHING.

I dream about next year and racing, too. I really miss racing, but I think even more than that I miss training. I love long solo runs, group runs with my Soler friends, and long rides with IronJohnny and my other IMW buds. I know that things will need to be flexible next year but I'm already planning on how to make it work as much as I can.


Case in point: just got my schedule today, and it is AWESOME. My favorite lunch period (later--I'd rather eat later for some reason) and instead of 147 kids like I had last year, I have...are you ready for this?....101!!!! AWESOME. This is in 5 classes. I have one pretty big class of freshman and the rest are small. I knew that teaching the AP would have this effect, but I guess I didn't realize how much. So, I will have a MUCH higher load of grading, and a much higher quality of work to grade (like essays and the beloved DBQ's), but not as many bodies. I'll take that.


I'm still nervous though. But excited. Even more so now that I know my awesome friend who retired this year and whose schedule I'm essentially taking over agreed to be my sub! She is, without a doubt, the best teacher I've ever seen. I feel so good knowing my kids will be in her hands for almost 4 months.


The other good part of my schedule is that I have 1st period planning...AGAIN! This makes 3 years in a row. I used to hate it....before I started doing the long stuff. Now, I really enjoy having my first period free so I am not as rushed in the morning. AND, this just might work out well with Baby Z, since I've sort of (GASP) become a morning workout person. I can get my swim in--maybe even swim with my Y friends, like Dave the Lifeguard, TriEric, Noodle Lady, and Navy Guy again! Or, I can hit the treadmill or trainer in my basement for an hour before the shower. The main thing, of course, will be lack of sleep...but I feel like my body's preparing me for that a bit already. Matt HATES working out in the AM, and is MORE than happy to have AM Baby Z duty so he can work out in the afternoon. We're already discussing it, and that's going to be half the battle, I think. The other half is SLEEP.


Case in point: I've become a third-trimester insomniac. My pal Suzi had a similar issue. I just don't seem to sleep well, and when I do, the baby wakes me up with kicks or I have to pee like SEVEN TIMES A NIGHT. Last night, I really don't think I got more than 2 hours of continuous sleep at all.


Practice, anyone?


See, I know this is going to factor in next year. PLEASE don't tell me again how it will. I swear I understand. :) XT4 and I were just discussing how very well-intentioned people who keep mentioning how we have no idea how much things are going to change are starting to drive us batty. WE. GET. IT. We'll figure it all out. But, I for one refuse to just throw the towel in and give up because I'm tired. Like today. I so did NOT want to swim, but I dragged my sorry sleepy ass to the pool and had the best swim I've had in probably 2 months.


Lesson learned. You will be tired, and sometimes, a workout will make you feel better. Even if it's small.


So there's another silver lining for me. The girl who loves to sleep...the one who with DaisyDuc could BARELY MAKE 1:00pm brunch in the dining hall ...she is realizing she can do more with less sometimes.


It's not going to be easy, but it'll work somehow.

Shakin' it up

Not really a theme to this post, just a lot of odds and ends.

FIRST things FIRST--good luck to my buddy JenC as she tackles her first Ironman in Lake Placid! Jen has worked so hard and I just know she's going to rock the course. Also, good luck to Cliff as he takes on IMUSA, too! These guys are both just awesome people and I wish them an amazing and memorable race day. I'll be cheering for everyone out there!

Second off, I never got to disclose the Super Fast Blogger I got to meet last week....drum roll please...it was Kurt! If ya don't believe me, here's proof:

(agh! my camera is swallowing pictures...stay tuned for proof!) :)

Kurt was just as nice as could be, which is how I pictured him exactly! It was great to meet him in person and I hope our paths cross again. We talked about all kinds of stuff, and I asked him what the secret was to his super fast 5 and 10Ks, since my favorite thing to do is go out way too fast. :) Wish we could have hung out longer, but he had to go to work! Thanks for having lunch with me!

Onto next year...my races are EXTREMELY subject to change, and they are already changing by the day. I think what I really want to do is to balance my family with my friends and racing--and racing friends. That's a tall order. So, I decided I really, really wanted to be able to go back to WIBA next year. There are just so many awesome people that I met there, and hopefully there will be a good crew next year as well. So, turning around and doing Muncie the following weekend is just too much traveling for this chick with a little one--I can already tell and Baby Z ain't even here yet! So.......here's my new plans: (don't worry--they might change in 5 minutes)

• End of May: Cleveland Half Marathon, hopefully to race, but at the very least just to run!


• Early June IF life permits: Maumee Bay Sprint or Oly Tri....cuz why not? It's not too far-and I can be back by the afternoon!


• July: WIBA with my Ironfriends (maybe I can pick up Jacks on my way to Madison....? :) Hear that, Jacks?) and perhaps a local sprint tri, like Huntington, since I earned a free race by volunteering this year--boo-ya!


• August: Greater Cleveland Half Ironman--this is a great race put on by an awesome guy and HUGE supporter of all things triathlon, Mickey, and TONS of peeps in my tri club do it every year. It would be a great chance for me to get in a 70.3 close to home. It's not the flattest bike course, which for me means probably not a big PR, but I might need to sacrifice finishing time for distance. The other option is Steelhead, which I believe is a flatter bike course...but requires a 4 hour or so drive and a night at a hotel. Boo. So...we'll have to make that call probably more in May or so, when I see how I'm handling life at that point.
  
• October: Chicago Marathon--big trip and a big A race...and hopefully a sub-4 or at the very least a PR with my IronSis Wil !!! Lush might be there if life allows it for her, which would be hella sweet. And I know another SuperAwesome person who might be on the course somehow, too! :)
  

This sounds a bit more doable. And, it only really calls for 2 weekends (possibly 3 with Steelhead but that would really just be one night) away: one to Madison, and one to Chi-Town. AND, I'd get to see lots of my IronBlogger friends while also doing a great race with my Cleveland TriClub friends. I've never done a "big" marathon before, and I think I could really feed off the crowd support and atmosphere when the going gets tough, as it inevitably will if I'm (able and) trying to go hard.

So that's the new flavor of the week. I'll have to update my chart! But for now, a storm came through and cooled things off, so a nice long walk is in order.

Sammy and Justin are coming into town this weekend for Cerveza's wedding, as are Po, Lush, and Hedda...so I'm pumped! And HAPPY 30TH TO MY GIRL JACKS! I have a few days on her but now we're even. :)

GOOD LUCK to all at IMUSA this weekend!

Outswimming the Storm

You know in those Charlie Brown cartoons where there's a little black cloud that follows Charlie around when he's having a rough day?

I feel like I've had that around me for the past week or two. Probably just general anxiety about me hitting the 7th month and only having a jogging stroller.

(It is a really sweet jogging stroller, BTW.)

That's part of it, but there's some other stuff, too. Essentially, I've been worrying about a few things quite a bit that I need to let go, and I've really been down and extra extra hard on myself lately.

(I'm always kind of hard on myself, so the extra extra part is not so good.)

I gave Wil a call to chat on Sunday as she was driving home from High Cliff 70.3 and then we finished our conversation up on Monday. It made me feel a lot better to talk to a like-minded individual about some of the dumb stuff I'm worrying about on all angles of my life. We also got talking specifically about tris and next year. She gave me some good advice.

She told me that Peter Reid gave her some advice (update--Okay, so he gave Melanie McQuaid the advice, who then passed it onto Wil...either way, STILL PRETTY SWEET!), which, is pretty damn cool that Peter Reid is giving her advice--holy shizz! I had to interrupt her and laugh at that. Anyhow, he said that at every race, he's not trying to WIN it. He goes out and tries to do the best he can for that possible day, and if he's done that, then he wins. Of course, this is a guy who, with that philosophy and mindset, has MULTIPLE Ironman WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS under his belt.

Maybe he's onto something.

I know I can't compare myself to others now, or even next year--that's not why I got into this sport anyways, and I need to remember that. It's the main reason why I think swimming was such a good sport for me as a little girl. You are on a team, but ultimately, you are competing against yourself. Next year will be harder than anything I've ever tried to do. The nervousness and anxiety I feel now trumps my sleepless nights worrying during my Ironman summer about 10 to 1, and I've still got 3 months to go. So I need to remember what Peter said now more than ever.

Will I win the Muncie 70.3 next year? Of course not.

Will I PR? I'd like to, but there are so many factors that I can't control.

The only thing I should worry about is what I can control...my attitude, my training (to the extent that I can control it with a few-month-old at home--it will have to be flexible and efficient), my nutrition, and my knowledge of my gear and the course. If I can keep the right mindset, I may not win the 30-34 age group, but I will win the first overall female with an 8 month old baby at home who hasn't raced in a year category.

Life's too short to sweat too much about your time anymore, I think. I had several years of age group awards at sprints and olys, and that was fun....but I feel like long course suits my personality better. Putting in the training required to pick up hardware at one of those things for me is not totally impossible (I never like to say never), but at this point in my life, would require an amount of time that I just will not have and am unwiling to create.

So I will look to the countless other rewarding aspects of triathlon besides the trinkets.

I've got a whole shelf full of those collecting dust, anyway. They're on a dresser that will soon be the baby's, and I'm not even sure where to put them. I don't want to say they don't matter anymore, because they were and are an important reminder of who I am and how far I've come, but they might just be moved to a box somewhere upstairs for now. I think now, as I'm staring a new decade in the face, I'm realizing that they are overrated.

You know, kind of like waistlines. :)

Anyway, yesterday I couldn't help notice while I was banging out 3000 yards in the pool again (hey, it's the only thing I can really do right now, so I have a feeling we'll be doing a lot of those workouts these next few weeks), that a ominous black cloud was hovering over me--literally. I stopped to fix my goggles, and the wind blew some lady's newspaper into the pool as she sipped her iced mocha. Kids ran after hats and toys. "Oh, no you don't," I thought. "I'm not done swimming yet." So I pushed off again for my last 1000. There was a guy in the lane next to me with a gatorade endurance bottle and I figured he must be some kind of triathlete. He was pretty fast, and for once I just let him go so I could focus on my own sets. He did his short sets fast and stopped, while I just went steady...the opposite of what I did for so many years...the 50 and 100 free, sprinting. I've got trinkets for those, too, I thought. I'm not even sure I know where they are.

Steady, steady, I kept going and the black cloud still hovered. On my last 100, I noticed fast guy was right around me. I decided to try and keep his pace just for fun on the last 50. I "beat" him by a stroke.

Alright, so that's the closest I can come to racing this year. Cut me some slack. I've got to appease otherwise slow Competitive Sara somehow.

Victory is often in the eye of the beholder. That's what's so great about this sport, and now more than ever, I'm learning that as I sit on the sidelines and watch this season. My first tri season in 6 years without a tri.

I might just be learning more this season than in all the other seasons, combined.

What's Kickin'?

First and foremost, thanks for all the heartfelt comments and just acknowledgement of my last post. I really appreciate it! Sometimes I wonder how much I should say, for fear of sounding like some ungrateful bee-yotch, but I decided that I am just going to be real here. What I feel is too private to share I put on my private blog, but some fears are good to get out there, you know?

I feel like before I got pregnant, I really only heard the GOOD things. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of good here. Baby Z is kickin' like crazy, and that's pretty awesome. But I never realized what a hard time I'd have with certain aspects of this journey, and I guess it's just good to see that I'm not alone. That I'm not the ONLY one to think that pregnancy isn't all sunshine and roses. I've got my partner in crime standing by me, too, which has been wonderful. And I've even got an IMW boy who is going through this on the flip side. And I've got all you guys and girls who have been there before. And that just rocks.

So Baby Z is kickin'. And I thought today when I went for my somewhere-around-2200-yard-swim with Canada Jenn, my kick really blows. She's got this powerful kick that when she does kick sets, she just HAULS. My kick sets are SOOOOOOOOOOOO wimpy. I feel like all I do is pull! I wonder why this is. When I got my stroke analyzed by Coach Angela last year, she said she could "tell I was a sprinter." She told me I needed to kick LESS for tri-swimming, which makes total sense. No use burning your legs out before you even get on the bike, you know? When I am swimming hard, I usually fall into old habits of kicking my arse off for a 50, but have a hard time finding a happy medium in long sets. They just kinda flutter back there. It's so lame.

Does anyone have any advice on how to improve my kicking? I feel like I just kick and kick and get nowhere. I want Canada Jenn's nice strong kick. She said she wants my pull, though. If we could just put her legs on my body we'd kick some serious butt. We could have a CanadaZimJennSaraLainger. That would be pretty sweet.

Lots of fun stuff this weekend--meeting ESpeed for a run/walk (I've been running 9 minutes and walking 1...seems to be going well now that I'm pokin' out and stuff) tomorrow morning! I hope my pace doesn't make her fall asleep. Monday I'm doing Yoga in the Park and then hopefully meeting up with Kelly and Melissa for a walk later in the day. Kelly's due with twins in late-July--she just did IMFL in November and rocks! And Melissa is an old friend who is due 4 days before me with baby #2. She is another marathon running chick. We've got 2 BBQ's this weekend, too. And next week I have 4 days of school....and then for all intents and purposes I am DONE. Yahoooooooooooooooooo! Let the part-time jobs begin this summer! I gotta make me some ki-zash for this kid, you know?

And, I've got a new plan in the works. It's been in the works for a month or so now. It involves IronJohnny, Wil, and Lush. Lush isn't a triathlete YET. But don't you worry. The girl can swim 1000 yards in TEN MINUTES.

Yes, that's TEN. As in 1-0. She's a FREAKING MACHINE.

Let's just say the plan involves 2009. And, it involves something that rhymes with "Ironman KanSuckEEEE." And I know, Mom, that you're worried about me growing a third eye from that nasty river, as am I. But they've got two years to perfect things before the plan goes into place, you know? That's plenty of time for me to see if anyone else grows third eyes or extra appendages. And I've been swimming in Lake Erie for 6 years now. So far, no third eyes. I'll just have to swim fast.

:)

The plan involves driving distance, no plane tickets, no shipped bike, a race date before school starts, and the most time consuming part of training during the summer. It allows for more time for me to get used to my new role, as well as time to save up a little moo-lah. It also allows for me to share a suite with my Iron-Sis and have my family there, too. It does involve some rolling hills (which totally grew on me last year) and ridonkulous humidity, but hey, you can't have it all. It's as close to a perfect plan as I think I can get.

The more I get to talk with my Iron buds and Tri buddies, the more excited I get for next year.

And the more this kid kicks around up in herrrrrr, the more excited I get for that.

And I really need to work on my kick. I can't let this kid get the upper hand on me already.

Looking Ahead

Okay, so I took a short bloggy vacay. It was quite nice. I discovered the joys of a private blog! I don't know why I didn't think of that earlier. See, I think with some of this stuff, A) it's private, you know? and B) I really don't want feedback. I just want to write. So I will probably be writing there lots about all these crazy changes, and try to keep this blog here as tri-related as I can.

Had a wonderful time in Indy with my Nutter girls. It was so fun to see everyone! We always have a blast. I hadn't seen them since the finish line at Ironman, so it was great to be on the other side and rooting for them. Lush and her hubby both PR'd! Lush broke 2 hours for the first time ever, which kicks booty. I was so proud and got a blister from ringing my cowbell so long.

Still running and swimming, and riding the trainer as much as I can. Last night's swim felt great! I had to keep it short because it was so late, but it felt good mid-set to bust out 1000 yards without stopping, even if it was slow. I ain't gonna lie. I was pretty proud. Flip turns are getting interesting, though!

Tomorrow's my annual field trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The weather looks good, so hopefully it will all go off without a hitch! They put on a good free program for the students. It's pretty sweet to have a resource like that down the road.

On to tri-related topics...well, I've spent quite a bit of time crunching lots of numbers and doing lots of thinking, and I think I've come to the decision of what will be included in my 2008 Race Season.

I do not want to do another Ironman that year. Ironman Florida is the only one I can logistically do, and it is out of the question.

Here's why:

Race Registration: $450
2 plane tickets: (believe me, I've searched everywhere and this is the best I can do) $900
Shipping my bike: $200
Rental car for 4 days: somewhere around $200
Hotel for 4 days: minimum $450
Food for 4 days: $100 or so

TOTAL RACE ENTRY FEE FOR ME TO DO IMFL: $2,300.00

And that doesn't even include coaching. When you look at it that way, it's just freaking ridiculous. I can't imagine a more selfish thing to do next year than that. We're both teachers, for crying out loud. And we have some debt we had to amass this year due to our unforseen circumstances. And we will have an infant. I know Matt would support my decision either way, as he's made very clear, but when I look at it this way I have NO desire to do that to us.

So that made me lose ALL desire to do an Ironman next year.

In a perfect world, Ironmans wouldn't cost $2,300. But, for now, they do. And seeing that combined with knowing the great physical and emotional sacrifice I'd have to make next year makes it an absolute no-brainer.

I can't afford Ironman. Period. End of story.

So hopefully within the next few years, I will be able to again. I am very lucky that I HAVE such a wonderful husband, and will have a little one, to share life with, you know? I need to remember that many don't have this opportunity. I am so lucky.

So what I am planning on doing, is this:

Late-May: Cleveland Half Marathon. Goal? Largely will depend on the situation. If training goes well, a PR. If training is sporatic, to finish with my baby there to greet me at the finish line.

Mid-July: Muncie Endurathon with Wil. Goal? A) to go somewhere around 6 hours. B) to PR, which is under 6:34. I've only done 2 70.3s--the first one I was clueless on and death marched the run due to lack of hydration, and the last one was just for training, so I think I can pretty easily PR. C) to finish, less than a year after giving birth.

August: Huntington Sprint Tri and Lorain Olympic Tri. They are essentially in my backyard. Goal? To hammer a little bit and have fun, and give my baby a big sweaty hug at the end.

October: Chicago Marathon, with Wil and Lush. Goal? A) sub-4. B) PR, which is sub 4:18. C) finish the race with a smile on and with enough energy to still celebrate my baby's first birthday.

So there it is. Flexibililty included. I know I can't predict what will happen next year. And, please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell me that, either. I've heard it enough, I promise. These are my goals, and I don't shoot down others goals who I may think are unrealistic.

I watch and hope they make it and show me that doubt is worthless and anything is possible.

I like do to things on my own terms, and if I fall, I fall on my own. You can laugh at me if you really must when I have my face planted in the ground, OK?

Just thinking about next year gets me pretty excited. I can't wait to have my body back, and I can't wait to try some new things and get back to basics--staying local for the most part, and just enjoying a season without too much long stuff.

(Even though I suppose a marathon is long...um... :)

But somehow I think marathon training will never scare me again after the training I put in for Ironman. It will be fun to do my long runs on the weekend with my Soler friends, as during the week I'll most likely have to hit the treadmill or get up really early to make it work. But I'm looking forward to all the new challenges.

Well, it just feels like a bit of a relief to know that I will not be doing another Ironman next year. I will someday, but it will find me when the time is right just like it did the last time. It's the kind of thing you really have to want, and right now, I just don't.

So on with the rest of the adventures.