Monday, October 29, 2007

Pardon Me While I Beat Myself Up

Today was a BEEEYOOOOTIFUL crisp, fall day in C-town, and all I could think about was how good it would be to go for a run.

Sigh.

I had to settle for a walk. Which was nice, but just not the same as a good fall run.

And I'm being irrational about my weight and need to cut it out, pronto.

I dropped 30 pounds virtually instantly, but since then the scale has not budged much. And I want it to. NOW. NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW.

I realize that tomorrow is 28 days since JayZ got here, and I am being stupid. I am doing everything I can...dutifully entering my Weight Watchers points, walking 3 miles a day, blah blah blah. I can't possibly expect my body to be back to normal now.

But I want to.

Blah.

I think once I can actually start running/swimming/more-than-walking, I'll feel better. I'm going to ask the Doc Wednesday if I can try the elliptical. I mean, if I'm walking...that shouldn't be a problem...right?

Blah.

But I look at my little man's face and think how much it was worth it.

And then I eat a piece of celery and want to go for a run.

Can somebody please send me some patience?

NOW?!?!

13 comments:

momo said...

i haven't commented before, but i've really enjoyed watching your joy in expecting and having your little one. they grow up fast - enjoy every single minute.

about the weight - are you breast feeding? if so, from experience, i know that the body tends to hang on to about 5 or 10 pounds while you're feeding and then once you stop - the weight just kind of magically disappears. must be something to do with milk/fat stores, not sure - but it will happen, i promise.

hang in there and congratulations!

Jennifer P said...

It WILL happen. I promise. The weight, the exercise, the sleeping through the night.
Your body is smart and at this stage when the little man is relying just on you for nutrition, it's frustrating. You didn't really gain a lot either and momo is right about the fat stores.
Try switching to Core instead of Flex. It could be that you're not eating enough.

KC said...

It will all come off! The waiting is hard, but it does get better, as you suspected, once you can get back to your normal exercises.

For me it took a full six months, but then I lost even more; so that was a bonus. Breastfeeding an older baby is money. ;)

E-Speed said...

you'll be out on the trails with us in no time I am sure! And I am also sure that you look fab! Can't wait to see you and the little guy!

greyhound said...

LOL. "Almighty God, grant me paitence for this trial . . . and please hurry."

Once the doctor says so, elliptical would be an excellent way to break back in. I think I commented once before about my friend who ran too soon while her connective tissue was still all flexible from the hormones and really screwed up her hips. That could keep you out for years if not forever. EZ does it Mommy Z.

Kickstand Pam said...

Please be patient with your body! Even when you get back to the weight you want your body will take a while to bounce back to it's pre-baby shape.

Just a small word of advice - try not to look at all the goofy magazine covers with the "celebrities" that gained 100 pounds during pregnancy and lose it all 6 weeks later. That's not normal, so don't look. :)

Thanks for such an entertaining read.

Wil said...

Sis, breastfeeding will make the weight fall off - chill out ;)

All right my friend, I'm not going to tell you all the stuff you already know like it took your body 9 months to get here and blah blah blah, but I am going to tell you that you're not giving yourself enough credit for how amazing you are AS IS right now. I swear to God that's why you are, and have been, so stressed about things.

Seriously, you're perfect already and have to try to appreciate what you are and what you're doing in the moment or you're never going to get this off your back, and worse, you'll miss a lot of the happy feelings you could be having right now that won't have another chance up to bat.

Amazing thing about you in your body right now #1: You're nursing, you are the SOLE source of life support for an entire other human being. Desiree Ficker can't say that right now.

Amazing thing about you in your body right now #2: You may not be able to tell on the outside just yet, but on the inside there's a freakin 911 city crew working 24-7 to put you back together. Serious physical trauma baby, and you're strong AMAZING body showed up, held up, and delivered.

Amazing thing about you in your body right now #3: That little boy doesn't give one flying puke about your pants size right now. He loves YOU because your his mommy.

I could write a thousand things, but please promise me you're going to stop defining yourself by what you can't do (yet) and start giving yourself credit for what you can and are now. There's a lifetime for the rest, and you know you'll get there. I hope you're not mad, I've just been there and understand how it feels. The only way out is to just enjoy today sis... love you :)

Cara said...

I'm mostly walking right now, too. I got the ok to run, and I have a few times, but I can only do that when someone else is here watching the baby. The best alternative is to take the kiddo out for a walk in the stroller. It's hard to shake the feeling of inferiority on the trail when you're walking and everyone else is running, but everyone else didn't just have a baby a month ago! And, like you said, the weather is gorgeous right now -- how awesome is it that we can go out for a stroll with our little ones and watch them discover the world? (Though so far, mine always just falls asleep.) And like you said, this spring we can break out the jogging strollers! I'm so excited for that!
I wish you and I lived near each other.

Steve Stenzel said...

No. I can't send patience. Just take it easy, and you'll get there. You know that.

Julia said...

If you're breastfeeding AND on WW you should be eating something like 36 points a day. Contrary to what you would think, if you're not eating that many points and you're sticking to like 28 (ridiculous!) your body will hang on to the extra fat.

BTW, I gained the most weight I know (in my circle of friends) while pregnant, but was able to take it off with breastfeeding and WW.

Be patient. It will come off. :-)

jbmmommy said...

Some people say that breastfeeding helped them take it off, but as Momo mentioned, I held onto about 10 pounds until I was done breastfeeding and then it sort of just disappeared. Try to cut yourself some slack, you're doing great.

Kim said...

peanut z is so precious lying in those leaves! :) are you dressing him up for halloween?
i dont know anything about pregnancy, babies or the aftermath, but i do know you WILL get there :)

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