Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Grand Experiment

...which is what I'm calling my race this Sunday.

It's an experiment, and I don't really know how it will go, but I've done all that I can and plan on enjoying whatever the day throws at me. I'm just glad to be out there, and with friends to boot!

The details are, quite honestly, not as important to me at this time. I know what I have trained for, the heart rates and paces and numbers and miles, and I will throw myself into getting that when that gun goes off. I tend to do better when I relax a bit, step away from the buzz, and take the pressure off until I'm standing there in line and hear that gun. Unconventional, I know. It's why I stayed as far away from Ironman Village as I could in '06. Just how I roll, I guess.

The pressure has been on in another, much more important way this week. I got another call. Another biopsy. Another diagnosis of cancer for someone I care about very much. I'm 30 years old, and I'm angry. I'm angry that I've had way too many of these calls. That I've already had two funerals this year. That I'm seeing too many of my friends, eyes red and voices shaking, dealing with these calls.

I'm scared that someday I might have to do the calling.

Suddenly, race day is seeming less of a fear or proving ground and more of a declaration...of my health, my friendships, and my hope. I'll enjoy every second because I know how lucky I am to be there, to put a number on, and to have a race day.

And that's it, really.

________________

UPDATE: Stage 2, with a 90% survival rate. Not as good as Stage NONE, but as good of news as we could get. I still might have to get Mouse's cross stitch project, though. :)

15 comments:

JenC said...

Yah, that puts it all in perspective, huh?

I look forward to celebrating life, friendship and health with you and Shannon on Sunday.

Rural Girl said...

Good luck this weekend. And you right...it's great to be alive.

Wes said...

Some of the cards people are dealt just suck... That's why I'll be wearing my "Cancer Sucks" pink socks this weekend at Florida 70.3...

You are going to have a blast this weekend! What a way to celebrate and honor health, life, and friendships. Give Shannon a kick in the butt for me since she doesn't come by anymore, but please wait until AFTER she gives Jay-Z my hug :-)

Have a great race, chica!!!

R. Jeffrey Davis said...

Thanks, Sara! I love your last paragraph and will quote you on my blog if you don't mind. If you do, please leave a comment and I will remove the post.

DaisyDuc said...

Sorry to hear about another call!!!

I'm with Jen...let's celebrate life together this weekend!!!

Kevin said...

Good luck and have a great race this weekend. Great idea go out there and celebrate being alive and healthy. Enjoy it

Lana said...

Good luck Sara! No doubt you will rock that half marathon. And just so you know...I thought about you several times during my half iron this past weekend...and how you had inspired me. So in case I haven't told you already - thank you. I intend to carry that inspiration with me all the way to IMFL and beyond.

mouse said...

I am seriously going to learn to cross stitch just so that I can make this. seriously.

that said, I love your attitude. good luck this weekend!

triguyjt said...

"less of a fear or proving ground and more of a declaration...of my health, my friendships, and my hope. I'll enjoy every second because I know how lucky I am to be there, to put a number on, and to have a race day."

thats a fantastic attitude...
enjoy your buddies..kick butt...hopefully i will bump into you .......
that is if you..hang around after you finish long enough..
(sorry about the latest biopsy for your friend/loved one

Alili said...

You have such a positive attitude with all of this. Celebrate your day with friends-can't wait to meet you at Steelhead:)

Pharmie said...

Sorry to hear you got another call. Good luck this weekend, and have a blast. I know you will!

Triteacher said...

Good luck this weekend, Sarah. Yes, unfortunately perspective comes at a price.

Wil said...

You're racing for a reason, and that's worth it no matter what happens at the finish line. You just rock sis, kick butt.

allanjel said...

S,

If you feel a 1:50 is in you..GO GET IT! You only live once as we are all too often reminded. Take the race by storm GIRL!! Live it up, you worked too hard not to triumph tomorrow.

Cara said...

The XC coach at my college always says that running is a celebration of life. After one of those calls, a tearful run is definitely in order. I hope you run well tomorrow, but above all, I hope you enjoy yourself and revel in the fact that you are ABLE to get out there and run a half marathon. Good luck!!!