From February 18, 2007....

And now, sports fans, is about when my body started giving me the proverbial middle finger. When it started saying, "Okay, CEMENT BLOCK HEAD, if you don't GET IT YET, then I'm a-gonna SHOW YA what's going on here. Whether you like it or not!"

The positive side here is that it seems to be almost done, now that I'm in week 14. THANKFULLY. I almost banged my head against the wall many a-time, but I just couldn't muster up the energy.

I'm back to working out 5-6 days/week (slowly and no more than an hour!) now, but it's kinda funny to look back and see how crazy NOT being able to work out made me.

Enjoy.

_____________________________

I am so tired.

But really...that doesn't even sum it up.

I guess I should consider myself lucky--there's no "puking my guts out" like it seems a lot of people have. I have sort of a low-grade nausea all day long, which at least is somewhat managable.

What would I rather have: puking for an hour or all day nausea and this tired?

It's really a toss up. Because, see, I don't "slow down" well. And this is FORCING ME to slow down.

Like, how much? Oh, to the tune of I can BARELY FUNCTION IN 7TH PERIOD CLASS ANYMORE, and I have to come home and TAKE A NAP almost every day. Which I hate. I hate I hate I hate I hate I hate because I PRIDE myself on being able to get out there and RUN when I feel tired--that it makes me feel better every time.

But I just haven't been able to do it. I can't even really get my workout clothes on.

I almost fell asleep on my stairs yesterday when I was trying to put my workout clothes on.

I don't know what to do! Matt's NEVER seen me like this. I told him, and I'm not exaggerating here (and I think he knows, because this is a whole new TriSaraTops he's seeing) that I was NEVER this tired during Ironman training. Not even in the worst weeks--the 8 hour brick followed the next day by a 15 mile-hilly-run, 20 hour weeks.

And I just don't know what to do to fix it. Except sleep.

It seems, from reading around, that it gets better in the 2nd trimester....? That the low-grade nausea will cease and I'll have my energy back....?

In the meantime, I'm feeling some more of that "mourning for my independance" as my weekly 10 milers I so look forward to and enjoy are nonexistant, and my friends all had such a great race yesterday at the Chili Bowl. I can't help but be just a teensy bit jealous.

I want to race.

I need to remember that the races aren't going anywhere. The road's not going anywhere. This will all be there when I get back. But it's just sort of hard right now, I think. This takes some getting used to. I've never really had anyone or anything tell me what I can and can't do. And I'm lucky in that sense...I need to remember my blessings and that I've had 29 years of MY way, MY choice, MY races, MY exhaustion.

I know this is one more little reminder that it's not all about ME anymore, nor ever will be again. And that what is going on inside of me will make it all worth it in the end....that I need to TRUST this fatigue and do what my body tells me to do.

Friday night I had so much fun with Matt at our inter-club social downtown at a brewery (me drinking water, of course). A bunch of the local endurance clubs were there: CAMBA, CWRR, CTC, and the Nordic Skiiers. It was so fun! I got to see my buddies ESpeed, DaisyDuc, Charlie, Rob, JenC and her hubby Matt, and a whole bunch of other old and new friends. Matt talked to some CAMBA guys about getting involved with their club, which was great to see. He's a bit shy so I'm glad he had fun, too. And a few people asked me, "So, you gonna race the Chili Bowl tomorrow?"

I totally forgot I still have it on my 2007 Race Schedule. Oops.

I had to sort of make up an excuse that I was out of town. A few people even called me out on it and said "Well you could still race in the morning, right?"

It turns out that, for better or for worse, my friends KNOW me. They know that if I showed up to a 5K, and DIDN'T give it my all--didn't come in at least 24 minutes or faster, that I would be upset. With no verbal explanation offered, and with me not being able to run faster than 10 minute miles due to heart rate restrictions, if I showed up at the Chili Bowl and came in at 30 minutes and offered NO EXPLANATION, I'd be doomed. Everyone would know something was up. And it's just not smart to let the cat out of the bag too early, from what I've seen.

So I had to pass.

God willing, if everything's fine, I can announce to the whole free world in mid-March. And then, maybe what I need to do is sign up for a 5K. No secrets. No PRs, no pressure. And what I can do is pace my Mom to PR. Seeing her face when she'd reach her goal just might be the boost I need right now.

And then I'll probably come home and take a long nap.