Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Fight of Our Lives

Suddenly, your world can change in an instant.

For us, it was last Wednesday.

Cancer sucks. There's no other way to put it. And I am angry and sad and frustrated and scared that I am staring it in the face yet again, as I watch another loved one wearily take a deep breath and get ready to fight.

This will be a hard fight, but a fight that I know we will win. That we must win.

I'm seeing our prayers already working, and I just hope that they continue to turn the tide our way.

So, between hospital visits and tears and we-can-do-this-it'll-be-okays and anxiously waitingwaitingwaiting for results and biopsies and CAT scans, I can't say much else right now about triathlon. It might take me a bit here.

Right now, we're all gearing up for the fight of our lives.

And I'm really wishing I could just go to the track and run 800 repeats until my legs shook, until I couldn't breathe anymore, until I could barely stand. Because that's about all I think that would make it feel a little better. I tried to swim the other day, and I could barely move. I felt like it was quicksand. And, unfortunately, running to exhaustion is not allowed at the moment. Until, like, March.

So I'm going to have to channel this nervous energy somewhere else. Today I did it by taking Jackson to the dancing fountains at the park, and then to a pizza party, and then to the park again and a little DQ kiddie cup afterwards. And I said, "can you give Mommy a kiss?" to which he usually just leans in for a hug, but today, no....today, he puckered up and laid a big slobbery one on my cheek.

And I teared up and smiled, and thought, "this is even better than the 800s."

To everyone with a loved one fighting cancer out there, we're all in this together. Let's roll up our sleeves and take care of business.

NOW.

20 comments:

Kate said...

I'm so sorry. Take care.

filoli said...

Yes! Let's roll up our sleeves. It is time...because this is all just too too much.

Wendy said...

I'll be thinking of you and yours.

jbmmommy said...

Thoughts and prayers to you and your loved one.

Mike said...

Sara,

My thoughts and prayer are coming your way. Having a little brother (19 now he's 20) who has gone through more in a year than anyone should have to in a lifetime with his battle, I understand. Although I don't have the added hormones and emotions that you do at this time! You did the right thing channeling your energy into something positive! As angry as I was with my brothers situation, I channeled my energy into staying healthy with my diabetes in case my family needed me to be even stronger for them and cycling. I would ride and ride hard, I cried many times while riding. It was good. I would ride until my girlfriend would have to help me up the steps into our apartment and then go out the next day and do it again. Was I angry? Yes.

Bottom line, we dug our heels in and said hell no to cancer. It can take away a lot of things and did for my brother who will never be able to run, jump or maneuver without the use of a cane. But we said not here, not now and it's worked! My brother had one of the most aggressive forms of cancer he could get and came out on top even when his chances were in the ball park of 10%. Look at Lance!

Everyone's journey must be there own but there are people here for you. There are only two ways you can go, lay down and take it or stand up and fight.

Take care and drop a line if you need to.

LIVESTRONG
-Mike

Wes said...

Cancer Sucks. I got pink socks that sez so...

Benson said...

Strong strong good vibes to you along with prayers for you to fight it and win.

Fe-lady said...

Thinking of you and sending positive energy and prayers.

Mel-2nd Chances said...

Cancer does suck, lately it seems to be closing in... So sorry. Will be thinking of you and yours.

walchka said...

Very sorry to hear about your news. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

marathon mommy said...

I know almost exactly what you are going through having done this myself only 6 months ago. And it sucks. But being an athlete makes it a lot easier. You know how to deal with seemingly impossible goals and be victorious. Use that to power you and your loved ones through the months ahead. The race is long and tough but it can be won.

IronVince: My Ironman Wisconsin 2009 Story said...

You will be our prayers as well.

Carolina John said...

so sorry to hear about that. cancer's a bitch, no doubt. i've got an uncle fighting prostate cancer now.

Renee said...

Sending prayers and hugs your way. Fight to win!

Eric said...

Even those of us who seemingly don't have a direct connection are rolling up our sleeves to fight along side everyone else.

I'm here to help you fight.

Love ya sis.

IronVince: My Ironman Wisconsin 2009 Story said...

Again, our prayers are with you. My wife, Heidi, is an oncology chemo nurse. She runs an outpatient chemo clinic here in the NW 'burbs. When I told her of your post she wanted me to let you know she'll happily answer any questions you might have or help in any way she can. Feel free to email me at ipvincentew@gmail.com and I will put you two in touch.

triguyjt said...

all the best sara......

JP Severin said...

I love you. The best way out is always through.

Alili said...

Thoughts and prayers headed your way.

Josh said...

Be strong.