Monday I got a smile.
A real smile.
Not an "I just pooped" smile.
And it was amazing. And I just knew it would be a good day.
I went to the Doctor's for my six week checkup. Got all checked out, and passed with flying colors. I bombarded her with questions, just so I wouldn't get "yelled" at for doing anything wrong, like I did after 4 weeks.
"Can I run?"
"Can I swim?"
"Can I lift weights?"
"Can I do core work?"
"Can I leap tall buildings in a single bound?"
Okay, maybe I didn't go THAT far.
So of course, you know what I did that night. I hit my treadmill.
I was pretty nervous. I mean, I've heard all kinds of horror stories about the first run. How bad it's going to suck. That you will piss all over yourself. I laced up my shoes which hadn't been laced for this purpose for a looooooooong time. I stood on it for an extra minute or two, and was a little afraid to push the button.
My intentions were to walk four minutes and run two at a slow pace. For 30 minutes. If I could.
I started...and then it was four minutes in. And time to run again.
So I did.
And it. was. awesome.
There was no pee. There was no suckage. It was slow, of course, but it felt so good. I felt like I was seeing an old friend again. I made it the 30 minutes with my plan, feeling GREAT.
See? I knew it would be a good day.
Lots of stretching later, I took a shower and gave the little guy a bath. A different post-workout routine, but one I'll be getting used to as my roles are shifting.
The next day, I decided to try a swim. Again, a little nervous. I hadn't been in the pool since September, and at that point, I was in a whale-like state. Would I be able to get through the workout I wanted to?
Warmup: 200 swim, 100 kick, 200 pull
4X50s with :25 rest (drill/swim)
4X100 with :25 rest
A short workout, but one with some purpose to it. What would my 100s look like? I had no idea and feared the worst.
You know what? They weren't too bad. They were, without too much effort, about 10-15 seconds off where they are when I'm in peak shape. That's a lot in swimming time, I know...but 10 seconds was less than I thought it would be. So I've got that going for me.
Which is nice.
Today, another run. I started off with 3 minutes of walking, then 3 of running. Then two of walking, and four of running.
So far, so good.
Two more of walking, and five of running.
Two more of walking, and six of running.
Three walking to cool down.
I've never had so much fun running so slow and taking walk breaks. JayZ slept in his bouncy seat the whole time. I think he knew how much it would mean to me to get this little run in.
As I was running, I was listening to the new Foo Fighters...highly recommended, by the way. The first track particularly struck a chord.
What if I say I'm not like the others?
What if I say I'm not just another one of your plays
You're the pretender
What if I say I will never surrender?
It's amazing how much I got done this morning. I fed, I burped, I changed, I pumped, I ate, I drank, I changed, I ran, I stretched, I showered, I cleaned, I fed, I snuggled.
All before 11am.
It's possible, I think, to pull this off somehow. I'm learning as I go, and I'm sure it's not going to be easy.
But that smile. You don't even understand...I can't even begin to explain...that smile, that smile that will make me do anything to protect him. That's what it's all about now.
The rest is just icing on the cake.
So, I'm back. But I'm definitely not the same...not just physically, either, but that's painfully obvious. I've been permanently changed and am changing more every day.
But I can still run.
And I can still swim.
And now I can do those things and get a smile.