Mostly that it's over. And I'm dry now! And not cold anymore. A 4:05 equals my second best time ever, and given the rotten weather I am even more okay with that.
But I'm very happy with the end result. I knew in my heart that this was just a bit out of reach, and unless things went perfectly, it wouldn't happen.
I have also decided it is about time to stop doing things I don't want to do.
I know I would have killed the half today. When you start having to stop and stretch at mile 14, that's a bad sign. I was ready to quit at mile 17 when I saw my family there, except they surprised me and saw me at 14. I figured I'd just gut it out and try to make it to the finish line.
I think I'll need more explanation later, but the short version is this: I said before I do believe I could qualify for Boston, but for me it would require a lot. A LOT. A lot of things would have to be sacrificed. I did sacrifice quite a bit this time, but not nearly enough. I will never, ever sacrifice too much time with my kids, time with Matt, or being the best teacher I can be. I have sacrificed all remnants of being a triathlete the past 4 months. I don't like it. Those are some pretty big jobs. There is only so much of me, and I did what I could.
Realistically, I should have tried for a 3:50 and I think I probably could have done that. But then I would have wondered, always wondered. Now I won't, and that makes me happy.
I'm also kinda like, why am I running fulls if I don't like to run fulls? The last mile was fun, mostly because I was TOTALLY hamming it up for the crowd. But the rest was very painful and not fun. I spent quite a bit of time stretching and talking with the guys in the medical tent at mile 18.
The bottom line is this: for me personally to get to Boston requires things I'm absolutely not willing to give. I don't regret attempting; now I know for sure. I will sleep better tonight knowing this. I would have wondered.
What kept me going was that I wanted to go to school tomorrow and not have to tell my students I quit. I also didn't want to explain to my own children that I quit. I am not a quitter.
But I am in a pretty good deal of pain right now. And unless I can devote what needs to be devoted for full marathons, I probably shouldn't do them. I'm not much of a fan of half-assing things.
So I can't wait to hammer Lifetime this summer with my team, get in the pool, ride my bike again, train with the kids this summer for the tri, and absolutely KILL half marathons for a bit.
Pictures to follow, but my family is amazing and I was so lucky to share this race with good friends, too.