Saturday, September 08, 2007

A Year Later

...here I sit.

At home. In front of my computer. Nowhere near Madison, Wisconsin.

It's hard to believe it's been an entire year since I felt the whirlwind, since I was checking the weather report every hour, since I layed out all my gear and food and socks and tubes and stuff on a hotel bed and stared at a series of 4 bags and went, "What am I doing here? Do I really deserve to be here?"

But I did somehow. I earned the right to enter the water that morning, and as I blew a kiss to Wil and said a nervous "good luck!" to TriThomps and then, about 17 seconds later when I heard Mike Reilly say, "ONE MINUTE! WHO WANTS TO BE AN IRONMAN TODAY?" I spontaneously thought, "Oh sh*t" and peed in my wetsuit.

And then the cannon went off.

And I didn't have time to think about the doubt anymore. I just had to go.

Now, 36 weeks pregnant, I feel an entire new kind of scared. Every Saturday I wake up, I think, "Is this the last Saturday I have to sleep in a bit?" I wonder if all this baby gear will get easier to figure out, as I still can't figure out how to fold up the damn travel system stroller. And why is it called a "travel system?" I mean, seriously. It's a baby. Does it really need a "system?"

I feel this little being tossing and turning around in my stomach and watch it roll. I still wonder if I'm cut out for this or if I really deserve this. If I'm really ready for this. If I can still do this and be me.

Pretty soon my proverbial cannon's gonna go off, I guess. And as much as I can't wait for it to get here...as much as I've thought and researched and mulled it over for nine months now...I still have some doubt. But once that moment's here, I'm not going to have time to worry or doubt anymore.

I just need to go.

I pray for my friends tomorrow that they trust themselves and go. They're ready. It's time. So to everyone who's toeing the line in Madison tomorrow at 0700, and especially to my friends that made my IronDay the amazing day it was last year: Bubba, Greyhound, Wil, TriShannon, Tac Boy, Walchka, Pharmie, Stu, and Steve...I'll leave you with the quote that I read before I left my hotel room at 4am:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." --T. Roosevelt, 1910
Go get 'em, guys.

17 comments:

Wil said...

Got you taped to my frame sister - you're going to Verona with me ... again :)

Jennifer P said...

Can't believe you've only got 4 weeks left. The time has flown!

The travel system rocks. The lentil has just about grown out of his car seat. I'll miss how portable he is.

I spit milk out my nose when I read abut your cannon. Too funny.

Run for Chocolate said...

Great post, sara. And yes miraculously you will figure out all the baby gear. You are a great writer, I hope you have a good sleeper so I can enjoy reading about your new mommy experiences.

Pat said...

Hi Sara, What's Wil's bib #?

thanks

Wil said...

2169!

Wil said...

Oops, that's me posting as Wil...Sara...Wil's good, but even she can't blog from her bike. :)

Lana said...

You are ready, Sara. No doubt, you are ready, and you are going to rock the world of motherhood just like you rocked Madison that day!

Steve S. said...

I don't know that I've ever heard the comparison of giving birth and a cannon going off..... Gross. Horrible mental picture.

Thanks for the super updates of Wil's progress. I have to say (not to rub it in), that it was great to see her at the end when she broke down with Phamie in the finishers area. Not a dry eye around...

RunBubbaRun said...

Like IRONMAN, you will be a great MOM, because when that cannon goes off, your life will be changed, and realize that this will the greatest journey of them all.

Thanks for your thoughts this IM weekend. I know I will see out there again someday.

TriBoomer said...

Just to let you know. I printed your race reports from last year and took them with me to Madison. Thanks for the inspiration, sistah!

Stay tuned...

21stCenturyMom said...

I just had the most amazing thought. Most women who have had children and then get in to sports compare their first marathon/triathlon/whatever to being pregnant and giving birth. You get to do it the other way around. I've never read a birth story from that perspective. Maybe the reverse translation doesn't work but if it does I'd love to hear how your Ironman and your pregnancy and birth compare to each other.

4 weeks to go! How very exciting.

Andy said...

I love the quote!

I know that you will be ready. You have had 9 months to get ready for this (if not more), similar to you training for IM Wisconson. No matter what the outcome (hopefully wonderful), at least you will have tried.

Murtha...

Try@thlete said...

Hoping you continue to keep well and healthy!

SixTwoThree said...

That quote from Roosevelt is priceles!

Mallie said...

You have a new adventure coming your way that will define you as much as Ironman did. You're going to rock the mom thing as much as you did the triathlon thing. I can't wait to read about those adventures. You don't need to change your blog title. No the IM in your adventure will stand for IronMom.

Rachel said...

Great post. One of Jason's favorite quotes. I love the travel "system." You are going through a different sort of Iron-woman experience now!

MostlyTruth said...

De-lurking here to say YOU CAN DO IT! I gave birth 3+ months ago and it was all that it was cracked up to be, but totally worth it in the long run. also, I'll give you MY 2-cents re: all those 2-centers--

1. expect very little of yourself for a couple of months (I did not lift a finger to cook or clean for at least a month--husband and others did that). expect nothing!

2. sleep when the baby sleeps, if you can! the first couple of months are the hardest, in terms of sleep (at least for me)--now it's so much easier.

3. all those people who say "you'll never do x y or z again" are full of it. having a baby changes life, but does not change it for the worse! I've started running again, we've been on a week-long beach trip (w/ baby of course!), gone to the movies, gone out to dinner...it's 'different' than it was, but it is possible. So ignore the naysayers.

Of course, in giving MY 2 cents I'm a total 2-center, so I apologize. just want to tell you from the trenches that it'll be an adventure & you'll do great.