Monday, September 17, 2007

Strange Silence

It's been a little while, because I really don't have much to say.

What do you say on the eve of your life changing forever?

Yeah, I don't know either.

All is well, and I've been beaming with pride for all my IronFriends in Wisconsin. Seeing you cross the line and reading your stories reminds me of where I've been and where I'll go again someday.

That being said, I definitely pushed myself too far the second week of school and ended up a little overwhelmed, dehydrated, and exhausted. A day off school helped, and so did the weather finally breaking to my favorite temperature EVER....high of 60 something, low of 40 something. Now, if I could just fit into my favorite jeans and sweatshirts, I'd be set...but these maternity ones and Matt's sweatshirts will have to do.

School is challenging me and keeping my mind off things, which is good.

I've gotten to do lots of fun things with Matt and my friends the past few weekends, and will continue to do so as long as I can.

I have less than 3 weeks now.

Saturday night at the Tribe game some drunk guy touched my belly in the elevator and told me I'm having a girl.

In the elevator, people. No escape.

Sigh.

I can't wait to be done and meet this little monkey that's been climbing around and kicking around like crazy, but then I remember how it has to get out. And then I get pretty scared.

And as excited as I am, for 30 years now it's just been me, myself and I making my decisions. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little scared to give that up. I know it's worth it, or we'd all be only children....but I'm pretty independent and it's a little scary, and that's all. Somewhere I read that becoming a mother is like having your heart forever walking outside of your body. It's a little intimidating.

Tomorrow, I will find out how big this critter is. And Thursday, some decisions might be made. And when it comes down to it, as of today I'm full term. Which means it could happen in 5 minutes, or in 4 weeks.

And that, my friends, is scary.

Please don't let it happen in front of a room full of 16 year olds.

So I don't know if I'll get to post again before...I feel a little like I'm at the edge of the high-dive at the pool when I was about 7 years old, looking down, thinking, "It will be so fun...just do it...go...go...it's time...you can't stand here forever..."

And in that situation, there's really nothing left to do, but close your eyes, turn off the voices in your head, and jump.

So, for lack of a better ending...here I go.

28 comments:

Fe-lady said...

And just like everything else you do...you will do fine! (Or better than fine!)
Prepare to fall in love all over again...and if you have to have a c-section, you will be able to sit on your bike on a trainer in a couple weeks! :-)

Chris said...

Ahhhhhh! Just 3 weeks! How exciting!!!

Amy said...

My heart started beating harder just reading that. I am excited for you.

Laurie said...

Ohhhh! I got chills! I am so excited for you :) You're going to be a great mama. You dedicate yourself to every thing you do, this will be no different.

KC said...

this post actually reminded me of how much i love my life with my son. you are really, really going to have the best time. not ALL the time, but MOST of it. :)

are they thinking of doing a c-section? i had one, and it was all fine. since you're a swimmer, you'll be especially fine in the recovery.

BEST WISHES!!

Julia said...

Have a wonderful birthing, just like your ironman, it's an experience you'll never forget! (and I say that in the most positive way)

jbmmommy said...

It's been only a few weeks since I was in the same position (the waiting part) and it's quite a feeling, not really knowing when things will happen and what the outcome will be. Intimidating? Yes, and completely awesome. Good luck for an easy labor and delivery, whenever they happen.

Wes said...

Bless you, Matt, and baby Z... Make sure Matt is well aware of his blogging duties after the baby comes :-) We are going to need a birth report..

JenC said...

I know how you feel. We're about to try for a kid and the thought of having one scares me, but EVERY mother I've met has absolutely adored her child. You will too. I can't wait to meet the new little Z!

Lisa said...

Hi! You don't really know me, but I started reading your blog when I started triathlons last year. (Gosh this sounds completely sketchy--sorry!) I did want to wish you the very best in this next big adventure. You're in the home stretch, and the adventure is just beginning... :):)

All my best to the Family Z,
Lisa

AGA said...

I don't know if I ever posted on your blog or not, but I've been reading since I discovered your IM race report last year and I must say that your journey has put into words things that I've been trying to say. Your fears are how I've felt as my DH and I have started talking about kids. So, thank you for verbalizing how I am feeling. Best wishes on this new journey!

E-Speed said...

oh girl you are going to be a great mommy!

TriSonq said...

Wow, I can't believe it's about to happen?!?

Thanks for sharing this experience with us bloggies.

You and your family (and new addition) are in my thoughts and prayers.

greyhound said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
greyhound said...

Actually, if it happened in a room full of 16 year olds it might be the most effective lesson on abstinence that they are likely to receive.

You're going to be great, coolest mom on the planet.

("My Mommy does yoga."
"My daddy plays softball."
"Oh yeah, My Mommy's an Ironman.")

Curly Su said...

i'm thinking of you sara; you've grown so much in the past 9 months...you'll be glad to have these posts to look back to...i can't wait to see how great a mom you are...

Kim said...

baby z sure is lucky to have a mom like you! that little bugger is sure gonna be ADORABLE!

(by the way, part of the word verification thing i have below is 'BABY'...UMMMM RIGHT)

Siren said...

Awesome post - summed up beautifully many of the same things I'm starting to feel now that I'm closing in on my own due date. There's days it just doesn't seem like this can possibly be happening because it's all just too surreal and wonderful.

Steve S. said...

Drunk guys are full of wisdom. Take him seriously!

Cara said...

Sara,
I have had no life since school started, but every once in awhile I get a chance to stop and think about what exactly is going to happen, and HOW SOON it is now (6 weeks for me). I can't believe you only have 3 weeks left (less now, I guess)! Thanks for this post, because it covers just about everything I've been thinking. I keep going over your lines "What do you say on the eve of your life changing forever?" and "Becoming a mom is like having your heart forever walking outside your body" and it's absolutely terrifying.
BUT, we'll do it, and we'll be fine, and it will be the best thing we've ever done. You are going to be an awesome mommy! I can't wait to hear about Baby Z! :)

jkrunning said...

I can't wait to meet baby Z. Even if it's just in pictures.

tri-mama said...

oh boy, for a brief moment you had me wanting to swap places. I loved those last moments of the pregnancy when the baby starts to take on a bit of personality in her kicks or thumps. I used to have quite the pushing match with some of them-come to think of it, I still do :-) All the best in these final days-yea labor's a little scary, but you will have Matt with you and just like Ironman, you keep moving and before you know it, you are at the finish line.

Run for Chocolate said...

I love that saying about the heart on the outside of your body, that is a good description. You are so level-headed, don't worry, we'll all be here with our motherly advice!

Rae said...

You gotta let us know what's up! I can't wait to see Baby Z!!!

Cara said...

So exciting! I can't wait to get the 'race report' on IMPreggars! I wish you the best. You're an Ironman woman, you can do anything. :)

Lana said...

Sara you give me chill bumps!!! Saying that 'becoming a mother is like having your heart walking around outside your body'is soooo true. I can't think of a better way to put it, actually. But I can tell you that I've done a lot of fun and exciting things in my time, and nothing, NOTHING, nada, none compares to watching your children learn and accomplish things of their own. When I watch Briar hop in the pool and swim laps, or put his football helmet on and run out onto the field - it's like nothing else. And helping Bo learn to read and watching him enjoy kindergarten...and learn to hit a baseball - it's amazing. It's the greatest joy there is on this world. You'll see...

Josh said...

go ahead and jump... the water is fine.

Triteacher said...

You have a gift. I have never been pregnant, but reading you, I feel I'm living it right there with you. Deep breath and smile. :)