Monday, June 19, 2006

Bittersweet

Yesterday was a great race day and a great Father’s Day. I got to hang out with my Dad, who is a wonderful guy. But it was kind of a sad Father’s Day, too…for my Mom, who lost her father 20 years ago today, on June 19, 1986.

Last night I was laying down trying to relax after a long and fun day, when I started to cry. I’m not sure why I cried, but I have a few theories…

Because my Grandpa was only 58 years old when he died.

Because my Mom lost her father when she was only 35. That’s not much older than me.

Because that day was one of the few times in my life I’ve seen my Dad cry.

Because he didn’t get to come to my wedding.

Because I tried really, really hard, but I can’t really remember him that much, and that makes me sad.

I cried because I do remember this day before he got sick, and I remember how fun it was to chase him, and I remember the sound of him laughing as he ran away from us.


I’d like to think he’ll be there at the finish line in September. I know it might sound naïve, but it’s my dream and I’m sticking to it.

19 comments:

Curly Su said...

not naive at all, sara...i'm thinking the same thing about my grandpa...

Running Rabbit said...

Sweet...and I LOVE the old time photo. Those are so fun to bring out and cherish!

Hermano said...

Every time I get tired or want to quit, my grandfather is one of the first people I think of to inspire me and help me to push through. He passed almost 4 years ago, so I am lucky enough to have a lot of great memories of him. He will definitely be with me on Sunday, and I'm sure yours will be there in September.

GoBrooksGo said...

My grandpa got me through Florida 70.3. He was there the whole way just as I know your grandpa will be there for you.

Scott said...

Congrats on your race. Lovely sentiments about your Grandpa. I was a little bluesy yesterday thinking about my own Dad who was only 61 when he died. I was 35.

I totally believe that he WILL be with you at the end of IWI.

Wil said...

He'll totally be there. Which is kind of making me feel a little creepy about our finishing line plans... lol ;)

You are awesome siter Sara :)

Wil said...

...um, that would be "sister" Sara.

walchka said...

He'll be there!

Tammy said...

Aw, you made ME cry!! ;(

I heard a really cool theory recently. It goes something like this... our essence is like a radio signal. If you turn off your radio, the signal is still there right? The radio station doesn't disappear. Well, our bodies our the radio... you can put the rest together. I like it. :)

Just12Finish said...

He's already there, just waiting for you ... because you want him to be.

rice said...

Both of my grandfathers died before I was born. Even though, I still learned a lot from them. I think this fact has given me a lot of perspective on how to live my life. That even after I am gone there will still be things that I will influence. I will live every minute as well as I can, and when I’m gone I would hope that the joy of the good life that I had lived will outdo any notion of sadness in my friends and they will be able to celebrate the time that we did have together.

I actually plan to have my funeral set up like a wedding reception, with open bar. And the bar is going to be set up on top of my pine box. Then everyone can ‘have a drink on me’. ;) Its going to be fun, I wish I could go..

Cheers.

Rice.

Kim said...

What a great picture of you with your Grandpa. He will always be with you...at the start of the race and at the finish line. I think our Grandpa's are hanging out together rooting for us every moment of every day for the rest of our lives.

DaisyDuc said...

Thoughtful post...may we never forget those important to us!

Pharmie said...

I am fortunate in that I still have both of my Grandpas, but I lost my Grandma Aggie 6 years ago today to a heart attack. She was my role model, and she was only 64. I know she'll be cheering me on at IM!

TryAthlete said...

It's a beautiful picture.

trifrog said...

He'll be there because He's in your heart and your memory.

Chris said...

I don't think it's naive at all. It sounds like he's with you right now in spirit!

Joe said...

Good post. I think it's normal to have such reflections after a race, especially on Father's Day.

qcmier said...

He'll be there and he's cheering you on all the time.