I'm like my soon-to-be-four year old Bug, who NEVER wants to go somewhere (bath, library, park, fill in the blank) and then when he gets there it's the BEST!THING!EVER! and does not want to leave.
Let me be straight: I love my job. But I hate the transition from full-time SAHM for 10 weeks to full time working mommy. I usually get a healthy dose of guilt with a side order of not sleeping well for about 2 weeks or so. The two weeks that happen to usually be the craziest of the school year (tied with the last week of school).
So I was really trying to stay positive. I felt guilty for doing a race this weekend the day before I head back, though. Especially with such a late start time: I don't even start until 8:20 or so. And the course is slightly longer (you know, one of those local deals, not a USAT course) so I'm looking at being done after 11, not home until at least noon, etc etc etc. Guilt. GUILTY.
I was thinking about downgrading to the sprint just for the sake of time. Still fun but done much earlier since their waves go off earlier anyways. But then I felt like a slacker.
And then I felt like punching myself. Who does 3 triathlons in 6 weeks with two children under 4 and is SLACKING? Seriously.
Sometimes I let myself get a little warped since I train with people who have much higher volume and go much longer than I do. I knew this summer would be like this, and that's why I adjusted my schedule accordingly. So why am I feeling bad about that? Have I become so warped that I really don't think a sprint "counts" anymore?
Because if I'm becoming one of those people, I need someone to throw a pie in my face or something. Maybe smack me. Because that attitude is annoying. And just plain wrong.
Lately, I've been lucky to be able to even get out at all, and it's been so great, even if it is alone sometimes. I will miss my early morning sunrise swim and runs with friends, since those are gone until next year. I will have to be done by 6:30am from here on out during the week, and I've come to accept that I need one day of rest on the weekend for nothing but family things: zoo, library, snow fun, etc. So it's about to get pretty isolated up in hrrr, because I don't think I can convince my SAHM friends to meet me as early as I need to.
Because their job is seriously tiring, yo. I have huge respect for them. I'm tired after work, too, but it's a different kind of tired.
And then yesterday we got some news that is a game-changer. It's a game-changer for the next few months, and quite stressful to say the least. I was already up at 4am consumed with it. And it made me want to do the sprint for sure.
But then now I'm thinking maybe to continue with the slightly-longer-than-an-olympic Olympic. Because it's my last tri for months. Because I (somewhat) trained for it all summer. Because yeah, I can't do the mileage and hours most of my friends can do right now, but I still love this stuff anyway.
So I'm going to think about it. I'm going to do the race either way, and I think it might be a game time decision.
For now, I need to transition myself to hit this major pile of schoolwork.